motowngirl1967

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Haven't had a minute to update anything since becoming a full-time professor!  Whew!  Busy all of the time, working as the Academic Success Coordinator for my campus, in addition to teaching, lends itself to some days where eating is a luxury, not a necessity.  When I'm not in the classroom, I'm in my office with a student, tutoring them in math or English.  Hopefully, my schedule will become routine soon... 

I haven't even been to the gym in weeks and my body is hating me for it!  When I'm working 14 hour days (8AM-10PM), there isn't much time to get in a run or Zumba class.  I'll get some exercise this weekend--tackling yardwork at my place before the summertime rains come.  Sloooooowly losing weight, but without exercise, it's just not moving like it was.  I've got to find the time for more activity in between spending time with my son, my boyfriend, my job, and sleeping!  If anyone finds they have an extra hour in their day they can spare, please send it my way!

Been a busy few months!  After the holidays, I got back the motivation to keep on moving forward with my weight loss goals.  I have dropped a few more pounds but am finding it slowing to almost a crawl now.  I'm a bit disappointed with the pace now, but the needle continues to move down, not up.  I'm still with the college and working on moving up the ladder there.

Also moving to a new (smaller) house this weekend with my son.  I've been in the new place cleaning for a week and could never have done that before dropping the weight.  I've scrubbed every inch of that house, I'm sure, and work until the wee hours prepping for the furniture and such to arrive on Sunday.

Moving on with my personal life, too.  I'm seeing someone wonderful and special and smart and funny--someone that I don't have to give a definition for every little word I use!  He's quite brilliant.  He has seen my before and after pictures, saying I look like a new person.  He's a true gentleman, and I am lucky that I have lost enough weight to finally feel comfortable about myself again to enjoy this new relationship.  No more feelings of inadequacy here!

I'm thankful for every move in my life right now.  Progress isn't being happy where you are; it's moving on to bigger and better things!

Down over 100 pounds and looking great!! 

I still look at my new pictures and can't believe it's me!  Yep, I look better than I did in my 30's.  In fact, most of the people I come into contact with think I'm in my mid-30's, not 43.  I love shopping for new clothes now and can shop in regular stores.  No more Lane Bryant (unless they have a phenomenal sale on size 14's). 

My biopsy went well, and I ended up with 3 needles in the neck.  Luckily, everything was contained and treatments are going well.  I'm tired most of the time, but I'm alive to raise my son.

I'm a college professor and they LOVE me at school!  I am now up for a full-time professorship, and I'm hoping that the committee approves me. 

Off and running now...dinner date awaits! :)

I am very relieved that I'm not crazy.  What?  You're surprised that I thought that I was crazy?  Well, I was beginning to believe that I had some serious mental health issues when it came to my weight loss journey.  That's what my doctor wanted me to believe when I told her that I had stopped losing weight--she wanted me to believe that my weight issues were all my fault, and that all I had to do was workout 6 days a week, train to run a 10K, and take Pilate's, Zumba, and kickboxing classes, in addition to starving myself in order to keep losing weight.  Too bad I had hit an endless plateau and nothing I was doing would jar the weight loose.

I sought the help of a metabolic specialist, who immediately sent me for more conclusive testing.  My endocrinologist and oncologist disagreed with my last doctor; I am far from cured from my thyroid disorder.  In fact, they both agree that my non-working thyroid, autoimmune disorder, and the HUGE cancerous tumor on my thyroid have been the leading reason that I stopped losing weight, started losing my hair and eyelashes/eyebrows, and have been so tired that I could barely function.  According to my new doctors, I had cancer as early as 3 years ago.  They are testing for the extent of the spread, and are hopeful that it hasn't gone anywhere.  The next logical place it would go is my lymph nodes for distribution throughout my body.  I'm on a cocktail of medications, including Synthroid, Metformin, and injectable Byetta, and have dropped 8 pounds already in two weeks.  My diabetes is under control thanks to the exercise regimen I've been doing, with my A1C now being normal--5.7, a drop from 7.1 in September of last year, along with the two medications (Metformin and Byetta).  My cholesterol and my blood pressure are excellent.  My liver enzymes are high, but they think that it's just the autoimmune disorder, not the cancer having spread to the liver.  I have a biopsy scheduled for August 3rd; a needle to the neck and throat are not really high on my "Bucket List" of items I want to do before I die, but it must be done. 

Facing your own demise at 42 is daunting, but to do it with a 5 year old who relies on you for everything is tough.  My family is being very laissez-faire regarding my treatment and care.  I have to take my son with me when I go for treatments.  I know he's worried, but when he throws his arms around me, hugs me tight, and says, "I love you, Momma!!"  I know that I'm going to survive this.  I have to.

I have applied for a position at a local college, and all indications are that I am in serious contention for the position.  I need this so that I can keep moving forward with my life and stay on my journey to reach my fitness and weight loss goals. 

I've had to stop going to the gym for a while due to having surgery on my legs.  I had surgery last week on the left, Tuesday was the right.  I've been having issues with blood flow and circulation from when I was morbidly obese.  The surgery was VERY painful--only used a local anesthetic to numb the area, but then the doctor dug 4 inches deep into my legs!!  He said they were the smallest veins he's ever seen in an adult, and that they were extremely deep.  He had to work for his fees!

Once I'm able to resume normal activity, I'm going to do a 60 day bootcamp training.  Yes, a bootcamp!  I want to get leaner and increase my endurance for running.  I really enjoy the personal challenge of running, and training for my first 10K run has been fun.  I would eventually like to run a marathon (26 miles!) but that's at least a year away! 

I really hate not being able to work out right now, but the way I see it, it will only help me to rest and relax a bit.  If I push my training too hard, I'll end up back in surgery and worse.  I haven't gained anything, but I can tell my muscles are going slack.  

My Zumba instructor called me to check on me, and my Pilate's instructor saw my ex-husband at the gym.  He's still over 400 pounds, but that's his issue, not mine.  When our divorce became final, I washed my hands of his life, unless it concerns our son.

I'm also headed back to school for a double Master's Degree/Ph.D., program.  I'll be a Doctor of Education in about 36-42 months.  I'm so excited!!

I did go back to the school that I taught at last year with my friend to pick up her daughter.  No one recognized me!  I had to tell all of my former colleagues that it's ME!!  They couldn't believe it!  I am 11 sizes smaller than I was last year, and in shape.  They told me that the kids miss me terribly and that they credit me with their success in writing.  I'm so proud of them and their accomplishments.  Many are attending the collegiate high school that opened last year.  Getting accepted was tough enough, but then they tested the students on their Math, English, and Writing accumen.  If they were my students, they passed with flying colors!  That made me feel GREAT!!

So, life goes on, the weight continues to come off, and I stay on my path to success.

Well, I just had to buy a new pair of jeans today.  The jeans that I purchased for my trip in October fell off of me today while buttoned and zipped!  Yep, it's official--I've lost 10 sizes since last year!!  I'm still going to the gym 6 days a week, in addition to Pilates (2x's per week) and Advanced Zumba once a week.  I can't believe the changes in my body, mind, and spirit that I have brought about since changing my diet and exercise routine.

I've really taken to running as a main form of exercise, and am up to 25 minutes on the treadmill at 6.0 MPH.  I'm going to run a 5K later this year, as well as do something else I've never done before.  I'm going to attend my class reunion!  It's been 25 years since I've seen many of these women, and I want to blow their minds when they see me.  I've already picked out a RED dress that will look divine once I've gotten my body to look the way I want it to look.  I'm still a work in progress.

Oh, and I've changed my haircolor; I'm a brunette again.  I was really tired of the blonde with highlights--the upkeep was horrid and expensive, so my stylist took me down slowly.  My hair is now light brown with some blonde and red highlights in it.  It really makes my eyes pop and adds some dimension to my face.  I've also decided to let it grow longer, having some bangs cut in and layers that angle in toward my face.  I look 10 years younger, according to my friends.  My son is still calling me, "Pretty Mommy!" so he must approve of the changes!

I will continue to update as I make progress and hit more milestones.   

Well, I'm still losing weight!!  I'm down over 80 pounds now, a size 16/18 regular, not Women's.  I'm in the gym 6 days a week, running, lifting, resistance training, Pilates, and anything else that looks exciting!  I am addicted to exercise and have adapted my diet to a new lifestyle.  I have given up sugar, salt, most carbs (except for complex carbs like whole wheat, brown rice, legumes and such), artificial sweeteners, and are learning to cook delicious meals that support my new body.  When my son sees my Facebook profile picture, he says, "My pretty Mommy!" and points to my new picture.  Awwwwwww!!!!!

My support system recently collapsed and I had to keep going.  The person who really gave me my push to get healthy and take control of my life walked away from me with no explanations, although I suspect it was due to my weight.  It really hurts to be left again, especially when I'm going to succeed at this without surgery.  As before, however, I learned to stand up on my own and be my own support system.  And I'm doing just fine, thank you.

My doctor saw me 3 weeks ago for the first time in a while, and she was blown away!  "No surgery for you!  You can do it!"  were her exact words.  She even hugged me!!  My story, complete with BEFORE and current pictures, is also featured at the gym, in the Member's Spotlight, for being an inspiration to others.  I didn't even know I was--I have had lots of people recognize the fact that I've lost a whole lot of weight and I'm looking much better.  But an inspiration?  Didn't have a clue until I was approached by the manager who had been told by many of the other patrons that I am there no matter what, I never give up, and I am looking great; they cite those reasons for their commitment to the gym and a healthier lifestyle.

That's about it.  I get up each day, get to the gym, volunteer at my son's school as a Reading Coach, be a good example to others, and live the healthiest lifestyle I can! 

Well, not quite a thousand, but it sure feels like it.

I am starting my journey because I am ready to reclaim who I am. 

You know, I thought I knew who I was.  I am a Mom and a great middle school Language Arts teacher (nominated for Teacher of the Year after only being in the classroom for 2.5 years!).  I am a force to be reckoned with--just ask anyone who knows me.  I am a loyal friend, great listener, and advice guru.  I am passionate, compassionate, "obsessed with detail", and am widely known and respected as a go-to person in a crisis.  I am lovable and able to love in return.  I'm even told I'm beautiful.

I am also fat.  I didn't realize the last trait until I took a hard look at myself and hated what I saw in the mirror each morning.  All of the good feeling, mantra-type sayings instantly became null and void the minute I saw my round face, big arms, bulging belly, and log-like legs.

I didn't start off this way.  I was always a bit chubby after high school due to Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, but I  didn't let it affect me.  I could always lose some weight through medication, harsh diets, and cigarettes as replacements for meals.  I even met and married the man of my dreams.  I was positively blissful, and I didn't even have to be thin!

Then, our marriage fell apart too soon, and I was left alone.  I lost my Mom shortly afterward to cancer.  I started to fill the holes in my life with cigarettes and food, foregoing doctor's visits, medication, and medical advice.  I grew exponentially over the next 10 years, with times in between where I would lose some weight, but gain it all back , and then some.

No one ever told me I was fat; when I became huge, people started to avoid looking me in the eye or paying much attention to me.  I became the invisible elephant in the room.  I developed an outgoing and gregarious personality to offset the hurt and rejection I felt whenever someone would say, however well-meaning, "You'd be so pretty if you lost a LITTLE weight..."  I'd say things like, "Diet is just DIE with a -T on the end!"  Making people laugh and forget about how heavy I was became easier and easier over the years.

About 6 years ago, I met a man who loved me for me.  He and I shared a love-hate relationship with food.  We loved it, and we hated ourselves afterwards for eating it.  We both ballooned in our weight, blaming it on "happiness".  We adopted a child during one of my "thin phases".  Then, I developed MS.  Steroid treatments and such left me bloated, tired, and heavier than ever.  The depression was bad enough, but the weight wouldn't budge anymore.  I was now a wife and Mommy, too busy and sick to worry about a diet.   I really quit caring about myself when my best friend was murdered in 2007.  She and I were closer than sisters, and now, I was left alone again.  Food became my best friend instead.  I was the second heaviest teacher at school.  I would go shopping, dreading the looks on the faces of the sales people when I would approach.  I hated dropping my son off at school, knowing I was "The Fat Mommy". 

To this day, and I don't know how, there was a Heavenly intervention that happened in my life.  I was brought  a special someone who cared enough to say, "Rene, I love you, and I am worried.  I want you to be healthy again.  I want you to be happy.  I want you to have a better life."  I had already begun taking off some weight, but now, I was motivated to get moving.   I was motivated to LIVE and want the best possible life for myself!!!  I was motivated to be beautiful again. He gave me this website address, and gently encouraged me to join.  I am glad that I listened. 

So here I am, starting my journey.  I am working out each and every day with my Wii Fit and my EA Active.  I eat much smaller portions of protein and veggies, limit my carbs, and avoid sugar, fast food, and large amounts of fat.  I am already seeing results!  As of this date (July 29, 2009), I have dropped over 26 pounds and am more focused on the future than ever!  

I know I can do this.  This time, I'm changing my life, not just my diet.  I am ready.