motowngirl1967
The Journey of a Thousand Pounds...
Jul 28, 2009
Well, not quite a thousand, but it sure feels like it.I am starting my journey because I am ready to reclaim who I am.
You know, I thought I knew who I was. I am a Mom and a great middle school Language Arts teacher (nominated for Teacher of the Year after only being in the classroom for 2.5 years!). I am a force to be reckoned with--just ask anyone who knows me. I am a loyal friend, great listener, and advice guru. I am passionate, compassionate, "obsessed with detail", and am widely known and respected as a go-to person in a crisis. I am lovable and able to love in return. I'm even told I'm beautiful.
I am also fat. I didn't realize the last trait until I took a hard look at myself and hated what I saw in the mirror each morning. All of the good feeling, mantra-type sayings instantly became null and void the minute I saw my round face, big arms, bulging belly, and log-like legs.
I didn't start off this way. I was always a bit chubby after high school due to Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, but I didn't let it affect me. I could always lose some weight through medication, harsh diets, and cigarettes as replacements for meals. I even met and married the man of my dreams. I was positively blissful, and I didn't even have to be thin!
Then, our marriage fell apart too soon, and I was left alone. I lost my Mom shortly afterward to cancer. I started to fill the holes in my life with cigarettes and food, foregoing doctor's visits, medication, and medical advice. I grew exponentially over the next 10 years, with times in between where I would lose some weight, but gain it all back , and then some.
No one ever told me I was fat; when I became huge, people started to avoid looking me in the eye or paying much attention to me. I became the invisible elephant in the room. I developed an outgoing and gregarious personality to offset the hurt and rejection I felt whenever someone would say, however well-meaning, "You'd be so pretty if you lost a LITTLE weight..." I'd say things like, "Diet is just DIE with a -T on the end!" Making people laugh and forget about how heavy I was became easier and easier over the years.
About 6 years ago, I met a man who loved me for me. He and I shared a love-hate relationship with food. We loved it, and we hated ourselves afterwards for eating it. We both ballooned in our weight, blaming it on "happiness". We adopted a child during one of my "thin phases". Then, I developed MS. Steroid treatments and such left me bloated, tired, and heavier than ever. The depression was bad enough, but the weight wouldn't budge anymore. I was now a wife and Mommy, too busy and sick to worry about a diet. I really quit caring about myself when my best friend was murdered in 2007. She and I were closer than sisters, and now, I was left alone again. Food became my best friend instead. I was the second heaviest teacher at school. I would go shopping, dreading the looks on the faces of the sales people when I would approach. I hated dropping my son off at school, knowing I was "The Fat Mommy".
To this day, and I don't know how, there was a Heavenly intervention that happened in my life. I was brought a special someone who cared enough to say, "Rene, I love you, and I am worried. I want you to be healthy again. I want you to be happy. I want you to have a better life." I had already begun taking off some weight, but now, I was motivated to get moving. I was motivated to LIVE and want the best possible life for myself!!! I was motivated to be beautiful again. He gave me this website address, and gently encouraged me to join. I am glad that I listened.
So here I am, starting my journey. I am working out each and every day with my Wii Fit and my EA Active. I eat much smaller portions of protein and veggies, limit my carbs, and avoid sugar, fast food, and large amounts of fat. I am already seeing results! As of this date (July 29, 2009), I have dropped over 26 pounds and am more focused on the future than ever!
I know I can do this. This time, I'm changing my life, not just my diet. I am ready.
