newlife68
What can I say..or where do I start? I have typically been overweight all of my life, however i was active when I was younger participating in Dance for nearly 15 years. Also playing volleyball, softball and participating in gymnastic's at some point in my school days. But was still "overweight" compared to the other's. I grew up with an alcoholic/abusive father and altho I tried to stay away from home as much as possible, I used food as a comfort when I was there and on needles. I was sad and depressed and hated living under that roof and couldn't wait to get out. When I met my NOW ex husband, he was so controlling and abusive that I became more and more withdrawn and depressed and turned to food to comfort me, thus packing on more and more weight. Throw pregnancy and kids into the mix and I was on a road to self destruction. I finally gathered up the courage and decided that I no longer wanted to live in that situation and didnt want my children raised in that environment and told him to leave. We soon were divorced and I was so much happier and feeling better out from under his control. I began to look at my life, my future and my health and decided that I would research and look into Gastric Banding surgery. Well that is where it all began.....
I made the decision about 5 years ago to have gastric banding surgery. I was having some sever stomach problems and had undergone many many many test's and scope's and nothing was found, so the only other option...exploratory surgery and well while they were in there, may as well do the band.
I have to say that I am glad that I had the surgery I did loose about 100lbs, NOT as much as i thought OR was hoping I would loose, but none the less it was a loss. And I was feeling healthy again, and could keep up with my kids. I have been thinking alot about what my option's were now, and until I was turned onto this site I wasn't even aware that "revision" was possible. I have an upcoming appointment with my surgeon and well I am going to be armed and dangerous.. 
I guess I should explain WHY I am even looking at a "revision" or what brought me to think about it. I started having problems about 2 years ago and was vomitting more than I thought I should be, but at the time, I chalked it up to ALL the things that they say can make you vomit, stress, over eating, eating to fast, lack of sleep.. etc. I had all those things going on in my life. My ex was taking me back to court every time I turned around for some stupid thing or another. I was working overnights trying to raise 3 kids and NOT sleeping nearly enuff. Financially I was struggling, and I started to have MORE low back pain than I had been having before. SO I started turning to old habits.. chips, pepsi, sweets to get me thru they seemed to stay down better than solids and slowly became a staple in my daily diet.. AGAIN! Once the court stuff was done, I moved to day shift, was sleeping better, had some answer's and temporary fix's to my back pain I was sure the vomitting would start to go away. To my surprise it didnt so I then found this site and then made an appointment to see my surgeon for options!
To my surprise I ended up with a "complication" I have scar tissue from my band that is blocking the opening to my stomach and a tear in my esophagus..sooo everything and anything I eat that is solid sit's in my esophagus and causes me pain until I vomit, the vomitting has caused the tear. After 3 weeks of endoscopy with dilation and no relief it was decided that surgery was/is the only option. SO here I am, back on the road to surgery. I am excited, scared, nervous and GETTING ready all at the same time!
I can't wait to be able to "eat" again.. I have a long road ahead of me, but I am keeping myself motivated and I am getting things in place to succeed ! I know I have no control over the complications that occur , but I want to make sure that I get the control that I need to succeed so that I don't fail because I have gotten complacent or gotten back into old habits, old routines that got me where I am now!
I know that I can't change my past, it is what it is and it all happened for a reason and I believe that thru it all I am a much happier, healthier person. I can only learn from what I have lived and move forward and HOPE and PRAY that I never live that life again. This is just one step forward in becoming the person I KNOW I am on the inside and now need to show it on the outside NOT just in my appearance but in my attitude! I want to be that positive person, role model for my children show them that even though life is not perfect that we still have the power to make it the best we can!
