It's been a while.......

Aug 16, 2009

So, my date is getting closer... Im still nervous, It's a big surgery---AGAIN, im going to be away from my kids for several day's, im going to be off work for 6+ weeks.  Plus I am pretty much starting all over, going to need to retrain myself to do things alot different than I did the first time around, and I need to be able to stop vomitting EVERY time I eat solid food and break OLD habit's once again.. but I am excited too!  A second chance! 

I am scared the Dr say's that he can't/won't guarantee that I will loose weight, but I guess that's a chance I'll have to take, just being able to eat again with out vomitting will be a plus in the long run.  I do however HOPE that I loose, I am going to work my butt off (literally and figuratively ) to do that, I want to feel good about myself again.

The kids and I went on vacation the 1st of July to Las Vegas and I look at those picture's and as much as I keep telling myself I only weight 217, I look at the picture's and I see me BEFORE my 1st surgery at 296! ick!

My mom, daughter, gram and I went to the cabin end of july into august and I look at those picture's too and think I can't believe how disgusting I look!   I want and need to change it, I don't need to be 110 lbs, but I need to get healthy, get out of this funk/depression of not being able to eat, constantly vomitting and get back to excersizing and as long as I am healthy and eating right and getting away from old habit's I can't believe that I won't loose!!! sooo im keeping my chin up, keeping a clear mind and trying to stay focused. 

OH has been helping me, I do alot of lurking and reading things that people post, finding strength and encouragement in their words', their thoughts', their advise. 

I know that I have the strength to do it, I know that I can do it, I KNOW I WILL DO IT!

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