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The empire strikes back --- - Young Skywalker's caught in a potherOf feelings that fluster and bother.He's stunned for a while(Anagnorisis-style)When Darth Vader says, "Luke, I'm your father."

While ringing in 2012 --- - For the loved ones now gone—yours and mine—And the friends that we've lost, we repine.Let us lift our champagne,And sing out a refrain,Of that bittersweet song, "Auld L...

MsBatt, alcohol will not sove your problems... - But neither will milk, or water!HTH,Fred

Resistance to chocolate .... - Is futile!

Acid reflux - Acid reflux begins in the tummy,Caused by eating too much, like a dummy.Unrestrained Christmas cheerBrings on heartburn, my dear;It's the price of insidious "Yummy!"

WLS and memory loss? - My absolver has freed me from sin,But Saint Peter won't let me come in.Here I'm stuck at the gateWith a terrible fate:I've forgotten my password and PIN!

Feast of the dead --- - A "furrie," a lass named Miranda,Threw a party upon her veranda.On that Allhallows night,She was all black and white,As she loves to dress up as a panda!

You gotta have faith --- - The Decalogue, given to MosesBy Jehovah, was no bed of roses.It made moral demands,And today it still stands,Though it's often ignored, one supposes!

Why you're on OH --- - You've a morbid obesity gene,So you're fat—can't get slender or lean.When the surgeon you see,Says he'll do BPD,He will bypass your guts, not your spleen!

Last rites --- - Since my pain's grown too powerful, drug me;Bring my loved ones all in here to hug me;Tell the doctors to go;Turn the lights way down low;Say you love me again—then unplug me...

Mary Poppins or Mahatma Gandhi? - Mahatma Gandhi always walked barefoot and ultimately the soles of his feet became thick and very hard. He also was, of course, known to be a man of deep spiritual conviction. He un...

The rewards of VSG - Balboa was always quite sunny....but sometimes it took lots of money.to just sit on the beach....and do nothing but reach,for the beer and the under-aged honey.

A proper fairy tale --- - Once upon a time, a prince asked a beautiful princess "Will you marry me?"The princess said "No!"And the prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and fucked with cute...

For your reading pleasure --- - "The Harlot's House"  Oscar WildeWe caught the tread of dancing feet,We loitered down the moonlit street,And stopped beneath the harlot's house.Inside, above the din and fray,We he...

Dear life; - When I said "can my day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge!

Perversion for beginners --- - My thoughts on creation are secular:That beings called biomolecular,Owe their birth to the pang,Of a really Big Bang,Which must have been rather spectacular.

My kinda Gal --- - She was dainty and light as a feather,An agreeable lass altogether,Sweet and charming, demure,Proper, pious, and pure.Then she asked me, "Are you into leather?"

Weight loss race? - They calibrate watches, these guys.Then they wait for the runners to rise,And take off at the crack,Of the gun down the track.They're the souls who are timing men's tries!

The 10 commandments --- - The Decalogue, given to MosesBy Jehovah, was no bed of roses.It made moral demands,And today it still stands,Though it's often ignored, one supposes.

Waiting for insurance approval? - His patience, endurance, and hope,Had been spent; he could no longer cope.As a desperate plea,He prayed, "God, set me free!"And was found at the end of his rope!

Doing without? - Abstain means avoid or eschew,Enjoyable practices you,Would otherwise sample,(Casual sex, for example) —So nice but so strictly taboo!

Lost??? - A wayward young maid, who's dismayed,By her tryst in the mist of a glade,Starts to shriek a critique,Of her boyfriend's technique,In a pique over being mislaid!

Becoming proficient in English --- - I'm delighted to say that I've mastered,The appropriate usage of bastard:It's a person who's bred,By a pair who weren't wed,But were too much in love—or too plastered!

Proper use of English --- - "When in Boston," she said, "it makes senseTo go for the specialty; hence,I've come to get scrod."And her friend said, "That's odd.You've used the past pluperfect tense!"

Coping with negative people post VSG. - My advice? Pull the plug. Don't delay.Face the facts. Call it off. Walk away.Go for broke. Take pot luck.Play it cool. Pass the buck.Go to hell. Take a hike. Make my day.