Rachelynka
Blouse buttons didn't gap & negative thinking.
Jun 04, 2009
In spite of all the wonderful things happening, I am battling negative thinking. Im so close, my surgery is only 18 days away so why is keeping a positive attitude so difficult? 
Im losing weight and my doctor is very happy with my progress. He said he knew how hard it was for me and that he was going to "make it easier" for me. Im holding onto that thought... as each morning I step on the scale and it reflects all my hard work leading up to this point. This morning I put on a blouse that I love, and the buttons down the front actually layed flat... amazing! 
I have so many people that are supporting me and that I can talk to and the one person who I really need right now, my Mom, is going through her own stuff and just can't be there the way I need her - she hasn't been for a couple of years now. She tries, and in her way is supportive in words, but doesn't have time for me. I no sooner start talking about what's going on with me before I get Im goint to have to call you back, or your father this, or she is interrupted by my neice, or your brother needs that... I am trying to be strong and not feel sorry for myself and keep remembering that I can do this... but what i feel like I really need is a good cry and a hug... as I sit her at my desk bawling... 
silly huh? I just know its going to get better 
June 22!
May 24, 2009
Wow ... Wow... Wow! I am very excited!!! 
Pre-op with Dr. Sanchez on June 1, pre-op appt for lab work and dietition and therapist 6/12, and good to go on 6/22. Its finally really happening! 
2 comments
I am very excited!!! Pre-op with Dr. Sanchez on June 1, pre-op appt for lab work and dietition and therapist 6/12, and good to go on 6/22. Its finally really happening!
ADMITTED, APPROVED & WAITING FOR DATE
May 22, 2009
I thought that my surgery date would be sometime in July, at least that was the target ... but looks like it will be earlier than I had thought! 
I am so very relieved, happy and scared too... One minute I feel a tremendous amount of joy at this opportunity and all that my future holds, and the other I am afraid for the future and saddened at losing what now seems like my essence - who I have become while being fat... if that makes any sense.
I have never not even for a second in my whole life "not liked" myself... and I think I am a pretty o.k. person, definately upbeat and happy...
... and Ive always thought that I am who I am because of my experiences and my perspective ... and how hard I have had to work not to let my weight issues hold me back, and I appreciate things because it seems nothing in my life has ever come easy... but I know I am going to change in so many ways, and I have to have faith that I am going to still be ME just healthier. 
I had a funny thought on my commute to work this morning.. with all my worrying, I am seemingly going through each phase emotionally
before I actually physically go through it... I guess it is a good thing! ... and Ive always been kind of ahead of the game...
But, I am ready for this in so many ways... I am ready to be healthy, I am ready to continue to live my life full speed ahead and with a new perspective... whatever that turns out to be.... and I know its not going to be easy... as hard as this journey itself and the emotional journey so far has been...
... I know its just going to get harder... 
BRING IT ON!
1 comment
I am so very relieved, happy and scared too... One minute I feel a tremendous amount of joy at this opportunity and all that my future holds, and the other I am afraid for the future and saddened at losing what now seems like my essence - who I have become while being fat... if that makes any sense.
I have never not even for a second in my whole life "not liked" myself... and I think I am a pretty o.k. person, definately upbeat and happy...
... and Ive always thought that I am who I am because of my experiences and my perspective ... and how hard I have had to work not to let my weight issues hold me back, and I appreciate things because it seems nothing in my life has ever come easy... but I know I am going to change in so many ways, and I have to have faith that I am going to still be ME just healthier. I had a funny thought on my commute to work this morning.. with all my worrying, I am seemingly going through each phase emotionally
before I actually physically go through it... I guess it is a good thing! ... and Ive always been kind of ahead of the game...But, I am ready for this in so many ways... I am ready to be healthy, I am ready to continue to live my life full speed ahead and with a new perspective... whatever that turns out to be.... and I know its not going to be easy... as hard as this journey itself and the emotional journey so far has been...
... I know its just going to get harder... BRING IT ON!
The Joy of Unjury!
May 06, 2009
I had read here on this site that everyone pretty much liked Unjury Protein Powder. So I ordered some.
In the meantime, while I was waiting for my order... I tried Proteinex that my dietition gave me... and YUCKITY YUCK YUCK!!!
....
So, needless to say I didn't hold out much hope for it to be very good.
I tried my first chocolate drink this morning... and YUM! IT WAS AWESOME!!! ... as long as you drink without smelling it. I guess I must have a sensitive sense of smell, because I can smell the protein if that makes any sense... but the TASTE is more than doable... EJOYABLE even! Yay!
Will be cutting out breakfast and two snacks a day and substituting Unjury... the goal.. -8lbs a month... or -2 a week... should be easy right? HA!... but heck.. I'M GAME! Its been two hours and I am not even hungry yet... a freakin MIRACLE!!!
0 comments
In the meantime, while I was waiting for my order... I tried Proteinex that my dietition gave me... and YUCKITY YUCK YUCK!!!
.... So, needless to say I didn't hold out much hope for it to be very good.
I tried my first chocolate drink this morning... and YUM!
IT WAS AWESOME!!! ... as long as you drink without smelling it. I guess I must have a sensitive sense of smell, because I can smell the protein if that makes any sense... but the TASTE is more than doable... EJOYABLE even! Yay! Will be cutting out breakfast and two snacks a day and substituting Unjury... the goal.. -8lbs a month... or -2 a week... should be easy right? HA!... but heck.. I'M GAME! Its been two hours and I am not even hungry yet... a freakin MIRACLE!!!
OH Northern CA Luncheon...
May 05, 2009
Attended the Northern CA Luncheon this past Saturday in Pleasant Hill.. and what a wonderful group! 
I wasn't sure what to expect.. but everyone was warm and genuine 
and made me feel like a part of the group instantly. Just talking to these ladies was a huge inspiration to me.. and to know that I won't be doing this alone is an amazing feeling. I learned more than I ever could have imagined from these women in a couple of hours! Can't wait for the next get together! 
Moving right along.. .this weekend i am headed to Eurekafor a family visit and some R&R time. I've already planned a pedicure, sugar scrub massage and some bubble baths in the special room I picked out with the large whirlpool tub. Oh what a wonderful thing its going to be not to have to worry about taking a bath in the little bathtub at home anymore 
and not to have to look forward to it only when we travel. In fact, its hard not to think about and look forward to so many things that I miss out on being large. Part of me says indulge.. and part of me is scared that this will never happen. Some days its easy to say all the things Ive missed out on doesn't matter, but it really does. .... I also like going to Eureka for the three day weekend (a day off work and away from my desk chair.. ugggh!) 
but because we will walk around a lot and be outside.. which is another relief.. clean air and even just to be out of the normal routine.
Though.. I have to laugh.. I've been making laps around the office floor more often.. and my co-workers are wondering what's up that they see me more often... have to fight the urge not to chat though... or I will land myself in the office manager's HOT chair.. not where I want to be.
Then its back to see Dr. Sanchez on Monday... scheduling surgery starts.. and if all goes well.. I will be on target for the first or second week of July. ... I am trying to stay calm and not freak myself out over anything...
4 comments
I wasn't sure what to expect.. but everyone was warm and genuine and made me feel like a part of the group instantly. Just talking to these ladies was a huge inspiration to me.. and to know that I won't be doing this alone is an amazing feeling. I learned more than I ever could have imagined from these women in a couple of hours! Can't wait for the next get together! Moving right along.. .this weekend i am headed to Eureka
for a family visit and some R&R time. I've already planned a pedicure, sugar scrub massage and some bubble baths in the special room I picked out with the large whirlpool tub. Oh what a wonderful thing its going to be not to have to worry about taking a bath in the little bathtub at home anymore and not to have to look forward to it only when we travel. In fact, its hard not to think about and look forward to so many things that I miss out on being large. Part of me says indulge.. and part of me is scared that this will never happen. Some days its easy to say all the things Ive missed out on doesn't matter, but it really does. .... I also like going to Eureka for the three day weekend (a day off work and away from my desk chair.. ugggh!) but because we will walk around a lot and be outside.. which is another relief.. clean air and even just to be out of the normal routine. Though.. I have to laugh.. I've been making laps around the office floor more often.. and my co-workers are wondering what's up that they see me more often... have to fight the urge not to chat though... or I will land myself in the office manager's HOT chair.. not where I want to be.
Then its back to see Dr. Sanchez on Monday... scheduling surgery starts.. and if all goes well.. I will be on target for the first or second week of July. ... I am trying to stay calm and not freak myself out over anything...
Today I see the Surgeon!
Apr 30, 2009
Ive been poked and prodded, head shrunk and tested, Ive poured my heart out to my loved ones who Ive been hiding my true self and feelings from.. boy has that been a relief!.... I have cut my portions and have not had soda or caffiene for two months now. Ive worked out some vitamin-making-me-sick issues, stopped beating myself up at every turn and am ON TRACK. I AM FOCUSED! I AM READY!
Hopefully all goes well and surgery scheduling gets underway... I am hopeful. Maybe its a self-preservation technique after all the years of defeat, let-downs and feeling like a failure - NO MORE!... but... addmittedly, old habits die hard... I find myself always planning for the worst and hoping for the best - talk about freaking myself out!!!
. Don't think that's gonna change anytime soon. No matter what happens today... I have a Saturday of Support Group-ey-ing planned...
.................................................................and I have FAITH!
0 comments
Hopefully all goes well and surgery scheduling gets underway... I am hopeful. Maybe its a self-preservation technique after all the years of defeat, let-downs and feeling like a failure - NO MORE!... but... addmittedly, old habits die hard... I find myself always planning for the worst and hoping for the best - talk about freaking myself out!!!
. Don't think that's gonna change anytime soon. No matter what happens today... I have a Saturday of Support Group-ey-ing planned... .................................................................and I have FAITH!
About Me
Pinole, CA
Location
32.3
BMI
Surgery
06/22/2009
Surgery Date
Mar 20, 2009
Member Since
