Larissa P.

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There is nothing like getting a nasty cold AND a visit from Aunt Flo in the same week. Gah. Well, at least I can be sure that woman won't follow me to Mexico to visit during surgery!

I've been taking multivitamins for a few weeks now, and I'm adding some calcium, to make sure I have some vitamin stores before surgery. Thursday I stopped eating all sugar, then next week all carbs, so I don't  go through a carb crash at the same time as surgery. I'm also going to up my protein and have some protein shakes to prepare, too.

But mainly, I've been preparing on the home front. All those chores I've been putting off? I'm doing them. Spring cleaning, too. I want to come home to a near perfect, stress-free house so I can veg and do nothing for weeks if I need.

I have my bag packed already, I'm a bit anxious.

I'm going to do something I never was brave enough to do before.

First, I am going to post a raw, unedited, unstaged, unrehearsed and unposed picture of what I look like now.



I hate this picture of me. But I love the smiling faces of my family. I've been hiding/ducking from pictures like this for years. Ashamed of how I look, picturing people making fun of me or insulting me or blaming me for looking the way I do. However, I look at other people and don't tear them apart but just enjoy their smiles and find something to complement. As if anyone would be that gracious to me. Kinda funny (not) the mindset, eh?

Well the next thing I am doing that I have never done before is invite people from my life to take a look at this blog. Here, at this website, I have always felt free to discuss anything. How  I feel, what I eat, what I have done before in diet and excersize. We talk about poop and innards. We talk about the joy of one day being able to cross our legs again and it's ok - we all understand - we've been there. We DON'T fee ashamed here, but validated and worthy. But - when we go back to the world we live in day by day - the shame cloaks us like a trap. We feel the judgemental stares of those around us. We feel how everyone knows by golly we should just....you know... eat less, excersize more. I was actually yelled at an torn apart for daring to suggest that this disease of obesity should receive medical treatment like cancer - because I was just a fatty who did this to myself and I'm telling you - that person was almost spitting with fury.

But, as helpful and WONDERFUL and freeing it is to post on this site among people who understand, there has to be some kind of outreach to those beyond our safe bubble, if we are ever to make the last bastion of accepted prejudice as unacceptable as prejudice based on color of skin, handicap, sexual orientation, gender...etc.

But really, while that is a lofty goal, it's more personal to me than that. You know that cliche where you go to your high school reunion and pretend to be more successful than you really are? Well, obese people do that ALL the time. We pretend we aren't as fat as we really are. Because we don't want to rejected, laughed at, judged, even downright hated. It's a world of lies and creative camara angles. It's a world of isolation and feeling like there is something wrong with you, you don't belong.

So, I'm inviting people - from family, to good friends, to aquaintences - to see what I've been hiding. So I don't have to hide anymore. Maybe some will enjoy my journey. Maybe some will cheer me on. Maybe some will be inspired to help themselves or someone they know. Or maybe they will laugh at the fatty. I'm going to take that risk.

As of today, it's 29 days and counting to my surgery. I'm taking vitamins in preparation. Soon, I'll stop simple sugars and then carbs, up my protein. Spring clean my house. Pack. And look forward to be a loser.

I first found out about the Huacuz Surgical Center doing google searches for duodenal switch. I had recommendations from those on this board, but I was curious about what I would find out there. I sent out emails or contact page submissions to many doctors, including Dr Ungson, Marchesini, Antelmo and Dr Huacuz. Only Dr Huacuz got a patient coordinator to get back to me immediately. Others eventually emailed me a copy/paste form letter, one never did get back to me.

Ok, no problem, these are busy practices and I didn't really hold that against them. My research also sent me to their yahoo groups, and I knew I could get help with communication. But let me tell you about Eureta George.

Eureta asked if she could call me, and I said sure. I had already been warned about Dr Huacuz and was curious about what she would have to say about his reputation on this site. She told me who she is, a patient of Dr Huacuz who successfully lost weight with the lap band and now she works for him. She is sort of his American liason, who works directly with the patients, travels with them to Mexico, and stays with them through their surgery. I asked her about the stories I had read about and she told me that she didn't know those families directly but she was under the impression that things did go wrong, as any doctor can have complications, and communication between the doctor and the family broke down. She is not at liberty to say more than that for patient privacy obviously. However, she assured me his surgery stats were excellent and in comparison for any other bariactric surgeon. (As a side note, my googling brought to a news story about a death with Dr Marchesini - but we don't hold it against him it seems. As it should be, I mean. Things happen.)

We talked about why I was choosing the DS, and that Dr Huacuz does the DS lap exclusively, and at the time she didn't know that there were other surgeons in Mexico that did the DS. I told her about Dr Ungson, and she said she'll look into him. She told me she had a DS patient who would be happy to talk tome in person, I got her number. Turns out, she's a member of this board and we chatted briefly. She did great with Dr Huacuz.

One thing we discussed was price. I explained I was working hard to raise the money, and the best price I had been quoted was from Dr Ungson for $12k open. But I didn't want open. We ended the call on a good note. But I was still being told it was a bad idea. So, I was still going to go with Dr Ungson despite not really feeling good about their communication or going alone (couldn't afford to have someone travel with me at the time).

Over the weeks, as I was trying to resign myself to an open surgery, Eureta got back to me several times. How was I, how was my planning going? She knew my struggles with money, and she came back and told me Dr Huacuz agreed to match the $12k price for me, to have DS lap instead of open. I thanked her, and told her I get back to her. I went around and around in my head. Not only would the price be a godsend, but the flight to Mexico is twice as expensive as to San Diego (Huacuz' people pick you up and take you across the border), and ther are no hotel expenses. At all. You stay at his center the whole time you recover, under the careful watch of his nurses. Plus, I have close friends in Southern California who could be there for me with no travel expenses on their part.

I made the call, scheduled my surgery. Maybe it was too much about the price, but I had waited so long, and didn't want to wait any longer. I could start living now, not another year when I saved more money. And I was not concerned about his skill or my life, truly.

Unfortunately, it was not to be. This story has been told already, but I made the mistake of scheduling the surgery before I got my IRS refund (as a single mom, it was over $5k) which was the last part of my money for the surgery. This was the year the IRS decided to audit me. It was a nightmare, I had to cancel. I lost my the money for my non-refundable plain tickets, and a month later I was laid off. So even when I eventually did get my refund, I had to use most of it for my family. How great is Eureta? She had already had her trip to Mexico paid for, and couldn't get refunded either. She would not let me pay her for her trip. In addition, Dr Huacuz helped Eureta by letting her stay at the center for free instead of getting a hotel, and he refunded me every penny of my $4k deposit even though it was cancelled merely 2 days before surgery. He could have kept a cancellation fee, but he didn't.

I was depressed beyond depressed, but it wasn't over. Eureta kept in touch with me over the last year, and even tried to talk me into the gastric sleeve since it was cheaper, knowing how bad I wanted this. I knew better than that, but it was tempting!

Again, I thought maybe it was for the best. Maybe I should go to Brazil, they are very inexpensive as surgeons go, and the surgeons are highly thought of. I started saving money again.

Now here I am again, at tax time, my refund is already on the way, no more shenanigans from the IRS. I have to get recent prices, as everything went up this past year. I contact them all, including Eureta. Eureta mentions to me that Dr Huacuz is currently in Spain - studying with Dr Baltasar until April.

Now, Dr Baltasar is considered the foremost DS surgeon in the world. I knew that Dr Huacuz had taken a seminar with him in the past, but now he's directly studying with him in person. That was the clincher for me, I scheduled my surgery for his first day back after his trip.

Eureta told me that Dr Huacuz is going to give me a steep discount to help me after all I've been through. I am just in love with these people, who have taken a personal interest in me for over a year.

That's why, for those who wondered why.

PS - I'm going to document every step of my journey, and won't be going alone after all. I will have someone who cares for me with me. Also, anyone who wants Eureta's contact information feel free to ask.

*edit - one year later THIS WAS JUST STUPID. I should have listened to others here and went to Dr. Ungson instead. Read on...

Well, I haven't been to OH in a long while. Let me tell you why.

I found a local DS support group through this forum, and was attending dinners and things were well. I loved the people in it, so kind, so fun. I tried to get to know them, to share in their triumphs, to learn from their experience. I even bought one of the girls I admired most a pre-surgery fun gift for giggles. Of course I myself was having issues getting the surgery. I tried in vain to get my employer to cover it, then I saved up my money - only to BOOM get audited AND laid off from my job the month of surgery. (The IRS refund that was earmarked for the last several thousand of my surgery money was delayed for 4 months!) So, you'd think I'd get sympathetic ears from the group, right? 'Hang in there, Larissa, we are here for you! You'll get it, just give it time!'

I was blindsided.

'Larissa, we don't want you in our group. You are clearly not serious about getting the DS. We feel you are just a "looky-loo," we don't know your intentions and we are not comfortable with you attending anymore. Oh, and we just kicked you out of the Yahoo group too.'

That was it. I never had an arguement or so much as strong words with any of them. I thought they were my friends. To this day, I have no real idea why they treated me this way. To one member's credit, this unnamed person from the group offerred to meet me herself for dinner occassionaly with one or two others. She knows who she is and I am grateful for her kindness.

Meanwhile I came to the conclusion I'm not doing this surgery for social aspects, and it has not detered me from getting the best weight loss surgery out there or from meeting my goals.

But it did keep me away from the DS board for months, just because I was hurt and they are very active on it.

But dammit, I am getting the surgery and I need to be able to discuss issues, worries, symptoms, diet, supplements, etc. My health both physically and mentally are my top priority, not what others think of me.

I just want others to know please don't let the cliques, the bullies and xenophobes keep you from educating yourself and getting the support you need. Keep posting, there are so many more on this board who are patient and kind and will answer that question that has been asked 100 times before just because the 101st time it's for somebody new.

The choice of a public health insurance plan is crucial to real health care reform. But right now, it's being smeared by conservatives and insurance-industry front groups. Here's what you really need to know:

1. Choice, choice, choice. If the public health insurance option passes, Americans will be able to choose between their current insurance and a high-quality, government-run plan similar to Medicare. If you like your current care, you can keep it. If you don't—or don't have any—you can get the public insurance plan.²

2. It will be high-quality coverage with a choice of doctors. Government-run plans have a track record of innovating to improve quality, because they're not just focused on short-term profits. And if you choose the public plan, you'll still get to choose your doctor and hospital.³

3. We'll all save a bunch of money. The public health insurance option won't have to spend money on things like CEO bonuses, shareholder dividends, or excessive advertising, so it'll cost a lot less. Plus, the private plans will have to lower their rates and provide better value to compete, so people who keep their current insurance will save, too.⁴

4. It will always be there for you and your family. A for-profit insurer can close, move out of the area, or just kick you off their insurance rolls. The public health insurance option will always be available to provide you with the health security you need.⁵

5. And it's a key part of universal health care. No longer will sick people or folks in rural communities, or low-income Americans be forced to go without coverage. The public health insurance plan will be available and accessible to everyone. And for those struggling to make ends meet, the premiums will be subsidized by the government.⁶

Sources:

1. "Words Designed to Kill Health Care Reform," Huffington Post, May 7, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51414&id=16123-15266730-2Eu.H9x&t=4

2, 3, 4, 5, 6. "The Case for Public Plan Choice in National Health Reform," Institute for America's Future
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51396&id=16123-15266730-2Eu.H9x&t=5

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I've been too depressed to be around OH. I am STILL waiting on my tax refund (to the point the Taxpayer's Advocate's office has gotten involved). Add to that I just got notice my office will be closing in May and I am going to be laid off.

I went to bed in my favorite pajammies and played my favorite classical piano music all night and slept in as long as I wanted and cuddled with my best friend - Bear, my yorkie-chihuahua mix and let the depression work it's way through.

I finally crawled out of bed at 1pm to face what I must with a bit more clarity. I've reset my plane tickets (they are in a voucher pending my new surgery date), turns out my shuttle was 100% refundable so that wasn't so bad (the plane tickets have a $150 fee for changing dates). I feel bad for Eureta, the wonderful assistant that was traveling with me, right now she was forced to take her tickets and go even though she won't be paid (I offered to pay her expenses and she refused, but I will find a way to force money on her).

I'm reaching for a date a month from now, and will not make it permanant until I get my hot money in my hot little hands.

Thanks for all the sympathy and support guys, I just was in denial right up until midnight last night when I had to face the ultimate truth and get on with it.

I haven't said anything about this because I was working so hard to overcome it, and I felt like I would jinx my efforts...

But after getting my passport, tickets, airport shuttle, putting down a $1k deposit on my surgery, going through my diet and vitamine changes, liquids only for 9 days straight, arranging the time off - the IRS has been HOLDING MY REFUND.

I was supposed to get it January 30th, but I was pulled for a random review that will delay my tax refund...indefinitly! They refuse to tell me when it will come. I got a letter the other day that says "call us if you don't get it in 3 weeks."

I have been talking to friends and family. 3 different people applied for a medical loan for me, all three were denied (because they are so strict!). Obviously, I can pay them back within weeks so there was no risk...and today, today...I was so hoping that I would finally see a "pending" deposit - so that at the last minute I could authorize a wire transfer in the morning before my surgry, but I've been checking my account every hour on the hour...

I've been having nightmares, literally. Taking drugs to sleep and get through work. It's killing me. I hate the IRS. I have used up all my options. I will lose so much money and have to raise that amount again. I'm just sick...

Man, I'm going to get fired. I'm so scatter brained (doesn't help that I am on day 7 of liquid-only diet, either). I keep making mistakes, asking people on the phone their names after they just gave them to me...I'm a mental mess!!!

On another note, lately I've been dreaming of buying a bicycle and taking to the trails - I've decided I'm going to take it up! I love trees, the outdoors, and bikes. Of course I haven't ridden one in over 10 years!

Meanwhile, I think I am going to be a wreck for the next couple of days.  Two week freak? Didn't have one. Two day freak for me I guess...

The funny thing is, I'm not scared at all, I'm just....not ... mentally there! It's like my mind has already left to get the anesthesia early...

I only work 5 miles from where I live, and it's country lanes most of the way - I think I am going to find a new way to get fit and save gas!

I can see my new life ahead - and I can't wait to live it. I've got this kind of manic energy building up...