sharonallen

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I am so tired of being frustrated and downhearted about this weightloss journey!! I wish i was enjoying it like so many others are. I just want to get back to being ME, happy, optimistic and encouraging of others. In 3 months i've lost 45lbs, i have stalled 4 times so far the first one lasted a month and i'm in yet another long stall which so far has lasted 3 weeks.... I am so pissed off its unbelievable. I have been to the gym everyday this and last week. I intake about 800-900 calories a day, i have about 80g of protein, 70oz of water which do not include my protein drinks. I have a small amount of carbs a day, which is normally a slice of wholemeal bread with my salad. I dont eat chocolates or chips or any of the bad stuff.
Normally i'm happy for peoples success but for some reason i cant be at the moment...i'm just being honest.. I just cant understand what the hell i'm doing wrong.

Before my surgery, my friends would come to me for support, advice and encouragement. Before my surgery my staff would come to me for encouragement and advice about their personal issues, i've always given myself to everyone... i've given up work for the time being as i've been a banker for 23 years and never had a break so just wanted to focus on the surgery and doing something just for me, going gym and getting healthy but even that has backfired. I dont seem to be getting anything out of this.

I'm so tired of being pessimistic which is NOT ME!!!! I have turned down going out with my girls 3 times this month simply because i dont want to answer the questions about how much weight i've lost, or how i'm feeling about it, because i feel like shit. I hate moaning and wallowing in self pity, before this i wouldnt have time for people who wallow in self doubt and pity but since the op this has become ME.  Why cant i feel upbeat as i used to be? I dont think i'm in a depression, i just want to see SOMETHING happening. I'm a very big girl and i cant seem to get under 308lbs, i'm more active than i've been in 15 years, i eat a quarter of what i used to eat. I've cut out all the takeaways, no more Chinese/Italian food and alot of exercise so what more can i do?

I'm scared of failure.....i was hoping for about 100lbs for my 6 month anniversary but its very obvious that i wont make that. I failed my first goal of 299lbs for my 3 months anniversary, that would have been a loss of 54lbs, so i'm 9lbs away from that.
Its funny because i've never failed at anything in my life...and my weight has been my biggest challenge which is why i wanted to concentrate on getting it under control.

I feel lost and am hoping that someone else has or is going through this and how you cope. I have an appointment with my Doctor on the 1st October, my Nutritionist is utter crap, when i went through my first stall at 3 weeks out, i was beside myself...i just was in a panic because i had stalled for a month and didnt know what the hell was going on, she was so blase' about it, so i asked her what she would do if she was in my situation, she said ' i would never have had the surgery!!' Can you believe that? Well thats encouragement for you. Suffice to say that i refuse to consult her.

This is the UK, the bypass is not common, there are no support groups in my area, so my only source of information and encouragement is on OH. Thank you all for you support and encouragement.
Please feel free to be as direct as you'd like, if you think i just need a kick up the bum then do it.. 

Thanks for listening!

Well there's nothing much to report other than today is my 3 month post op, i havent lost ANY weight for 2 weeks infact when i stepped on the scale today i had put on 3lbs, which is the same 3lbs which i've been playing with for over 2 weeks. I'm getting slightly frustrated that i cant get under 308 lbs.. i failed at the first goal i set for myself of being 299 for my 3 month anniversary, i thought this was realistic, but obviously not!!  I've increased my protein intake to 80 a day, i drink about 80oz water, my calorie intake is about 800-900 a day, i exercise a few times a week but i must admit in the last 2 weeks i've been disheartened and haven't been belly dancing or salsa dancing at all. I've only been aqua twice but i do go to the gym 3 times a week and also go on my cross trainer at home daily.. I think the main reason for that is i've lost my gym buddy, Ash my daughter is now at college so i dont seem to have much get up and go....
  
My initial goal for 6 months was to lose 100lbs, but at this rate i'm not sure i'll get to 70 lbs...

My promise to myself is to increase my exercise everyday.

Any encouragement or advice on what i'm doing or not doing would be great. HOW CAN I INCREASE MY WEIGHT LOSS????

I hope you all are doing well and succeeding on your journey!
Until next time!!

I dont know if anyone else is going through this, but i dont see the changes. I'm feeling better in myself, but i put that down to my belly dancing, aqua, salsa and gym. But when i look at my photos i dont really see any changes... I get alot of compliments from friends/family but i cant help thinking that people just say it to make me feel good. I also hate when everyone asks me 'so how much weight have you lost' they ask this nearly everytime i see them. It makes me feel really bad because i'm a very slow loser and at the moment i'm in yet another stall. Also my scale stopped working so i got another one and its 5lbs up from my previous one!

I'm not depressed about this stall as i know the scale will start moving again but i wish i really see it in my clothes!
Does anyone else feel this way??

Thanks
Sharon

I know i havent posted on here in a while but its been a bit hectic! First and foremost my daughter Ashleigh passed all her exams (GCSE's) 7 A's , 5 B's and 1 C.... so now she's off to one of the best Colleges in London, even though she wont be there for too long as we're hoping to be in Texas by December, fingers crossed! I couldnt be more proud! Its hard to believe that my girl has finished High School/Secondary School, passed all 13 subjects and is now off to College. She asked me a few weeks ago to accompany her to pick up her results, so last Thursday 27 August we went up to her school and i was the only parent there, all the kids were either screaming for joy or crying with disappointment.. the atmosphere was go tense. We went in and got the envelope, all her friends and teachers gathered around waiting for her to open it and she just said that she'd like to open it outside with just her Mum..i felt like a million bucks.... We got outside and she opened the envelope and we just started screaming and i got really overwhelmed, its was just great, i cant tell the last time i felt such pride and joy...she surpassed my expectations. I was hoping for 2 A's and then most B's, i never dreamt of 7 A's!

Its been a hectic 2 weeks, going out with my girls, meeting up with family, sorting Ashleigh out for her College and all the other things... my gym has been shit....i havent been for a while so now that my birthday is coming to an end its time to get serious again.

Yesterday my family and friends had a BBQ for me and it was absolutely wonderful...we all just totally enjoyed ourselves, i laughed so much i was literally in pain!  Today, Ash made me breakfast in bed and we're going to watch a movie, then out to dinner later.

As for my weight, its coming off VERY VERY slowly, but i'm not stressing at all....

All the compliments received yesterday were great...other people can see the changes but i cant really, but i'm feeling good.
 
I hope all is well with everyone! Until next time...Adios!

Well today is my 2 month surgiversary. Its been a very rocky road to say the least! Its been an emotional rollercoaster but is now getting alot better. I've cut down on my exercise to 3 days a week in the gym, 3 times a week aqua aerobics, 1 day belly dancing and 1 day salsa (on the same day). i'm not spending more that 1 - 1 1/2 hrs a day in the gym. I've also changed up my food...for brekky i have a protein drink which i put in the blender and add a banana, grapes, apple and plum its really yummy! I then freeze the left overs and have that as a snack later on in the day (sounds weird but its soo nice). For lunch I have a tuna salad - lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, jalapeno peppers, green olives and onions - loving it. This operation has been so weird because before op i was highly allergic to any type of fish, the smell of it would make me heave. Tuna and mackerel was the worse. Then a few weeks ago my daughter was making tuna pasta and normally i'd stay out of the kitchen but i went in there and it actually smelt great. I told her that i'd like to try some, so i went and got my Epipen in case of a disaster. Normally my throat swells and i'm unable to breathe properly, I also break out in huge blotches all over my body and if its really bad, my face swells up so bad closing down my eyes and lips swell about 3 times the normal size. With the Epipen its immediate relief..my daughter Ash was saying i shouldnt take a chance but i've always felt like i've missed out on eating fish as i used to love it as a kid but found out when i was 14yrs old that i was allergic to it. Anyway, armed with Mr Epipen in one hand and Tuna Pasta in another i tasted it and waited for a few minutes and nothing..no itching, no swelling no nausea! After that i've been eating tuna salad, mackerel or salmon almost daily, each time armed with Mr Epipen..but no allergic reaction...

A couple of weeks ago, if you asked me i would have told you that i had regrets about doing this op, today i'm over the moon and so thankful...i used to worry about eating out at a restaurant and the kitchen staff using the same utensils for fish and other foods, i used to worry about having an attack on the plane, every time i ordered a sandwich... i never left home without my Epipen and now it looks as if thats all behind me...and i cant explain how this happened, my Doc also doesnt have an explanation. Thank God is all i can say!

As many of you know i stalled for nearly a month, i think that was the worse time as i kept on feeling that i was going to be the one person who failed at this...i'm so thankful that it has passed and i know there will be many many more but now i know how to handle it.

For the last week or so i've been feeling really great, very active and very motivated! I feel good about myself.
This week is going to be a bit different as i've lost my Gym/belly dancing/salsa dancing/aqua aerobics buddy...my daughter Ash. My sister and her hubby and kids have taken her to Cyprus for a week, they left this morning, so at the moment i'm all alone at home and READY TO HAVE SOME FUN!!! YIPPPEEEE!! hehe, tomorrow i'm going to visit a friend who had the bypass done today..i met her online and we've chatted nearly everyday for the passed 2 weeks or so, so that should be nice..although she'll be in hospital.  Friday, i'm meeting up with my girls for lunch/dinner whatever it turns into and on Saturday night my girlfriend and i will be going to a club called Big Girls Paradise..which is a club for women over size 16 and its GREAT...we have a fabulous time once a month.

Anyway, thats enough of me...sorry for rambling on a bit...

I hope everyones doing really great!

For some unknown reason i was in a great mood all weekend. I went bra shopping yesterday and also bought myself a new top and i must say i was pleasantly surprised that it was a size 24/26  which is down from size 34/36. I thought it must have been a fluke and they had put the wrong size on the hanger. I thought 'let me try on an Halter Top as i havent worn one since i was about 8 years old' and i was shocked to see that i looked semi decent in it. The next thought that entered my head was the fact that I was invited to my good friends birthday party today and i could shock everyone by wearing something that they'd never expect me to wear or have ever seen me wear.
Anyway my brother in law arrives to pick me up and he was really surprised and said that i'd lost alot of weight since i last saw him 2 weeks ago (my scales tell a different story though) but when i got to my friends house and he and my sisters saw me..the look on my little sisters face was a picture. I must admit i did enjoy the attention (just a little)
As usual when all the Clan gets together we really enjoy ourselves, conversation was excellent and there was lots of food, but nice salads and baked chicken too, so thats what i stuck to.

This week is going to be a bit hard as Ashy my daughter will be going away to Cyprus for a short holiday with my sister and bro in law, plus neices...so i wont have her motivating me to get out and go to the gym.

I'll be 40 in about 3 weeks time so now i'm making preparations for it....about 20 of my girlfriends and i will be going Karaoke, back in our old hangout Pub...where it all started 20 years ago. This was the Pub that i had my first drink at 21 years old where my girlfriends laced my Orange Juice with Vodka and i didnt notice that something was wrong until the guy who was controlling the Karaoke had to turn off the machine because i wouldnt get off the Mic ! Good times!

Anyway i've posted some pics taken today... I hope everyone's doing great and enjoying your weekend.

See Ya!

I think i need to leave this site because everyday when i sit and read about everyone losing weight and I'm stalling i get more and more demotivated. I want to be my usual happy self and i want to be happy for everyone on here that works hard at losing the weight. I dont want to moan and be miserable by always posting that i'm not losing...I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't deviate from the plan...i get in all my protein, i drink all my water, i exercise 5-6 times a week for 2 1/2 - 3 hrs per day and nothing, i go aqua aerobics 3 times a week, i go belly dancing once a week and i've just started Salsa... and yes i know that muscle is heavier than fat but I'm not seeing any results on the scales or by measurements....I'm truly f...ed off today and most days since i had this surgery. I'm such a competitive person and i work hard at things so its really discouraging not to see the results....I just have it in my mind that i'm going to be the one person that this surgery just does not work for. I hate feeling like a failure..i hate being unhappy because thats not who i am..I hate not being in control of this....i hate that the scale determines how i'm going to feel that day....i did  2 years of research before i had this op but one thing it didnt tell me was all the depressing moments....I've never been depressed, i've never been one to wallow in self pity but since the op, i've found myself doing just that....everyone talks about the honeymoon period, i havent had that yet. How can i make this work...WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??

Today was my first hospital checkup since Surgery, my Doc was very pleased with my progress and advised that i should continue to do all that i am doing. She also said that i was looking fantastic so that was great to hear. I did ask about the fact that i've stalled for over 3 weeks and if there's something that i can do to break it, she advised me that i'm losing inches and should just continue with what i'm doing.. I'm still frustrated about it but i'm trying to be positive. I'm very strong willed and love a challenge and i think thats what frustrates me more..the fact that i'm putting in so much effort and not seeing any results.
Yesterday was a great day at the gym where Ash and I spent 2 1/2 hours... i really enjoyed it. The gym is about 10mins walk from home and i think we had to crawl all the way home, every muscle in my body hurt. But it felt great to have worked so hard. I quite enjoy sweating now! There must be something wrong with me for saying that

Anyway once again Ash was armed with her camera taking pics of my journey.

Well me and my girlfriends decided to meet up for lunch on Wednesday, since i havent seen them from i had surgery. I was running about 15 mins late as my taxi driver decided it would be nice to take the scenic route through traffic , anyway i get to 'La Pasta' our favourite Italian restaurant, I could see all 8 of my girls as i was opening the doors and the look on their face was a picture...they were all very surprised at the transformation! Well i was really surprised because i dont think that i've changed that much. One thing that i love about our friendship is our brutal honesty for each other...if we come in looking like crap, you can bet you will be told about it.

After i had a million and one questions asked about how i was doing, our food arrived, i ordered my favourite Paesana and i remembered all the times that i would order a starter of  Bruschetta, a bottle of house white wine (just for me) then my main meal..normally Paesana then Desert of Apple pie and custard followed by double shot of Tia Maria.
When i started eating, i could literally only eat 5 tablespoons..i had to ask for a doggy bag to take home. My girls were all having their starters, main and desert with lots of alcohol and you know what... i didnt miss it. I didnt have an alcoholic drink, i didnt have starters/desert and it was just great, knowing that i didnt need all that food anymore. For me it was a turning point. I didnt envy my friends...it was just like it always is, great to be with them.
As they said..I'm a cheap date now. I think from now on, i'll order the kids meal as its alot cheaper.

These days i've been really enjoying the gym...i've been everyday except Wednesday this week which is great! I started my belly dancing class again as i havent been from before surgery and next week i think i'll join the Salsa aerobics class, it looks like fun.
Yesterday my daughter Ash and my friend Sierita and her friend went swimming, we enjoyed ourselves so much, just playing and competing against each other doing aerobics..then we hit the sauna. It was a perfect finish to a great week.

I also made a decision last week to weigh myself every week instead of daily. I've hidden the scales, so i dont need to see them everytime i walk into the bathroom. So i'll weigh on Friday to see if all the exercising / diet has paid off.. Fingers crossed. Lets just hope that this is the end of me being so obsessed with the scales!! 

Yesterday we had a family party for my daughter Ashleighs 16th birthday and we enjoyed ourselves soo much, i cant tell the last time that i laughed so much. It was just what i needed. I got so many compliments on my weightloss, it really gave me a buzz to just try to forget about the scales and to continue doing the right things.

I'm out with my ex-colleagues on Wednesday for our monthly catchup and i'm so looking forward to it!