Shystermom
5 years later...
Dec 16, 2013
I thought I would stop by my old page. I am so happy I did this blog way back then. It really helps me to understand my mindset. Anyway, I am doing just fine. Never regretted my RNY in December, 2008. I am still a size 14. Got as low as a size 12, but at 51 1/2, holding steady at size 14 without much effort. I eat just about anything I want. I have to be careful with too much sugar - it makes me dump, still to this day. But that's fine. Who needs so much sugar? I have to be careful with alcohol - I get buzzed very quickly. But I don't have problems with gas anymore thankfully.
I am currently mentoring a couple of people who are considering WLS and I am encouraging them heartily "If I did it, you can too!".
Along the journey, my beloved husband passed away 6 months ago, of Pancreatic Cancer, at the too-young age of 56. He suffered so much and it was hard to watch. My father died last month. My daughter is now 14 and doing fine, adjusting to High School. So it's me and her now. But I am so happy in my body with my weight loss that at least it is never going to be source of stress any more. I have enough from other sources.
If anyone logs on to check me out, I want to thank them for thinking of me and I wish everybody health, happiness and successful surgeries.
2 years out - reflections on my Anniversary
Dec 10, 2010
I am happier with myself and my life since the surgery and again, am very glad I did it. I'm sorry I didn't do it earlier than 2008, but it took 10 years to get miserable enough to do it. The other day, I said to my husband (as I reviewed some truly awful fat photos from early 2008, pre-surgery) "I'm sorry you were married to such an ugly fat beast". Of course he said "You were not an ugly fat beast" automatically. But photos don't lie - I looked awful. I wonder now if my sex life would have been better back then, when I looked attractive and of course, felt attractive and desirable as well. Since life goes on, I try not to dwell on what might have been, since it gets too depressing to do so. I might have had another child had I not been so heavy those 10 years. Now it is too late.
Of course my health, pre-surgery, was suffering too, but vanity is a great motivator and I look so much better now. I am happy to take photos now and get out from behind the camera more post-surgery.
As for my health, I am still on high blood pressure medication. I still take a sleeping pill at night. That has not changed. My BP is fine with medication. I am entering peri-menopause, but, at 48 1/2, don't know if that has anything to do with my RNY. I suffer from terrible gas, which is embarrassing, and I deal with funky bowel movements regularly.
What's next for me? Perhaps post New Year's 2011 I'll make more of an effort to drop the 15 lbs. If I could go down a full 20 lbs, I would be down to a size 8 and 147 lbs - how cool would that be?
My daughter will be Bat Mitzvahed next October, 2011 - I might just try to fit into a "better" dress, but if I don't, I will not beat myself up about it. I will buy a perfectly lovely size 14 dress, do my hair and makeup and celebrate the joy of reaching such a wonderful milestone in my child's life. I don't hate myself at size 14 and that is the most important thing to me.
Will I love myself more at 157lbs? 147 lbs? Jeez, I don't want to become obsessive about this while, at the same time, don't want to excuse away the 15 lbs that came back. I have been "bad", it happened, and the 15 lbs won't go away unless I do something about it. It amazes me when I read about those who have lost over 100 lbs - I only lost 45 and it changed my life. I am truly in awe of those 100 lbs-lost ladies. And I am really only 20 lbs away from a bikini body - very doable if I am so inclined. I have the tool if I wanted to do it.
But the point is - 45 little lbs is the difference between me hating myself and accepting myself - crazy, no? I needed surgery and re-arranging my insides permanently for 45lbs. But I could not have done it without surgery, sad to say.
To anyone reading this, I wish you well and continued success. I know you are all rooting for me, as I root for you.
I'm trying to post a new Avatar profile photo, but can't
Apr 15, 2009
I skipped March posting - now it's April already! 53 lbs down
Apr 10, 2009
I have tried a cup of regular coffee only once since my surgery. As soon as I started drinking it, my heart seemed to race. It scared me and I won't try it again. It's ok. I am done with cafeine. It's nice not to be a slave to it anymore. Even decaf coffee is not something I crave. I would much rather drink Crystal Light or Propel water.
I am wearing a size 14 these days and enjoying it. I have not been a size 14 and 164lbs since before I was pregnant. Well, now my child is 9 1/2 so it's been almost a decade. When I see my reflection in the mirror, it is someone I used to know and I missed her. It is nice to get re-acquainted again. The photos I see of me at 222 lbs are shocking and sad. I was so miserable.
Will I lose more weight? I don't know. Time will tell. But if I maintained at 164 lbs the rest of my life and a size 14, I would be happy with this. I don't see myself running triathalons or drinking protein shakes into my 60's just to be 125 lbs. But I hope to settle in eventually at 137lbs. That was my goal weight, only because I liked the round number of an 80 lb weight loss. At this point, it's only 27lbs away and I am not strictly dieting or exercising regularly. So yeah, I think I'll get there. It has only been 4 months.
Did I take the easy way out?
Feb 18, 2009
I saw somebody post the following and I copied and pasted it because I liked what he had to say:
I had people telling me it was the easy way out also. My comeback to them was this: "Absolutely! It was so incredibly easy! The only things I had to do was change everything I ever learned about food, portions, nutrition, cooking, shopping,mental status, social changes, exercise, fitness, body image, self-worth and respect, and taking responsibility for myself. I did that SO easily by just dealing with appointments, learning about surgery, combating insurance companies, meeting multiple times with psych and nutritionists, giong under the knife, waking up to realize that I made a permanent change in my body, seeing doctors for multiple med changes, carefully calculating nutritional values of everything I eat, seeing the chages in my body as my weight changes and mentally dealing with the empty skin, and dealing with lame brains who tell me I did this the easy way! That usually shut them up!
Flying Free
Feb 15, 2009
So you see, it was like that. One day, your drain comes out and then you will be free to really begin your weight loss journey. Until then, you are still tethered in a way, to your surgeon and surgery. The cord will be cut and you will fly after that.
I am down to 180 lbs.
Bye Bye to the Drain!
Feb 05, 2009
He said that if there is any more leak to the leak, it will come out of the hole and stain the gauze, not go into my body (and give me an infection, sepsis, etc.) So no silk blouses for me for a couple of days :) I will not miss the smell, the mess, the bulge under my clothes or most importantly, the worry about whether or not this leak will ever heal.
My weight loss as of today is 33 lbs. The good news is - I finally weigh less than my husband!
Mindlessness
Jan 29, 2009
I have expanded my lunch repertoire to include Lean Cuisines, Healthy Choice Entrees, South Beach Living, Smart Ones, etc. My supermarket had them on sale 4 for $10.00. I can't make lunch for less than $2.50 a day, not here in NYC. So I bought 30 (I have a chest freezer). I eat one a day for lunch. Just eat the protein and veggies and only a couple of bites of the rice or pasta. Some of them have like 20g of protein! The trick is, of course, to find them on sale. I know, I know, watch for the sodium content, but I'm not taking in sodium really from other sources, so I'm eating these.
That's 2 meals down that I don't have to think about.
I am still drinking one 23g Protein shake per day.
I am still wearing this stupid drain. I have alot of drain pain still at the site. I can cope with the smell and discomfort of wearing the drain. But the pain wears me down, especially at the end of the day. There's nothing I can do but cope and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Down to 191lbs today
Jan 20, 2009
I haven't posted in awhile since things have been status quo. I am working, eating and feeling fine. I still struggle to take in enough fluids and protein, and I hate taking my vitamins. On the other hand, I can't think of any other way to lose 26lbs in 5 weeks, so I guess it's working.
I find that my best meal to keep down is shrimp (sure, I couldn't pick a CHEAP food!) so I buy alot of it and make it with various sauces like scampi. I eat 8 -10 small-med shrimp and that's my dinner. No carbs, no vegs, nothing. I also have problems with getting in water and protein. I have one 23g nectar drink a day and hope that between the oatmeal and shrimp or chili or whatever else I eat that I break 50g. It is rare I get to the recommended 75g. I don't think I drink more than 20 oz/day of liquid as well. But I feel ok, so I don't think I'm dehydrated or weak or anything. I also forget to take my vitamins alot, which is bad. Have to be better about that.
I am working full time and don't feel the drain slows me down that much. But it is there and I feel it especially when I bend. Also still can't really sleep on the stomach, although I can sleep on the side. Mostly it's the smell and gross emptying of the drain that depresses me.
Today, at my checkup, it turned out the drain has come out a little on its own, so a resident had to come in, give me lidicane (sp?) to numb the area, and then put in some sutures to hold the drain in place. It hurts alot now that the lidicane has worn off. What a drag this is! Plus, I didn't get into work until 11:30. I think my boss is not too happy about all these appointments.
Do I regret doing it? It's really too early out and the drain has got me down, so I think it's unfair for me to answer the question. I want to be like those people at 9 months to a year who seem to be all over the boards "lovin' life" and down numbers like 70lbs.
