Julie G.

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You know what hurts the most! My daughter likes to play outside and I can't because I'm too embaressed or lack the energy. Or having my daughter sit on whatever lap I have left! I guess I'm just having one of those days!

I had my appoinment on the 23rd of October with Dr. Treki. I didn't feel it went very well. He talked to me like I'm an idiot. Afterwards, I talked to my family physician and asked to see another endro. who has dealt with people for Barix. She rudly said no she would not that that is who I saw and will stay with. Anyway, Dr. Treki sent me for blood work and to see a dietician. I think he failed to see that I have tried different methods and have not suceeded. On the 9th of November I saw my family physican who just said to wait a month and then we will send for OHIP approval! We'll see how that goes. I want this surgery bad. I've been explaining that to every Dr. I see! I'm tired of being fat. Well, I hope by new years I'll have my answer!

I finally got my appoinment with the specialist! It's tomorrow the 23 with Dr. Treki. I hope he's a good Doctor and not like my family Dr. I read on the message boards that a lot of you went to see Dr. Wilson. I'm thinking of asking my family doctor of refering me to him if things don't go well with Dr. Treki. My wish is to have my surgery date hopefully by the end of this year. One thing I know is I've been feeling down. On Saturday which was the 20th was exactly 3 years that my husband left us and on the 26th would have been our 4 year anniversary. I don't miss him but it's just an emotional month for me I guess with everything happening. Trying to get my divorce papers sent so I can file already, trying to get OHIP approval so I can get my surgery date. I'm being flooded with emotions this month. Happy,sad, fustrated, angry and relief. But one things for sure, I'm not going down without a fight! I will get approval one way or the other. For now I'm just looking foward to my appoinment tomorrow. We'll see what happens with that. 

Well Friday's appoiment with my dad's doctor was a bust. When I got home that day I had a message from my family doctor asking me to call back to confirm appoiment with specialist. Yeah, finally! This appoinment is this month which is great cause then I can see what he recommends and then if he recommends surgery I can get letter from him and fax to OHIP! Yahoo! I hope I get approved. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see and just dream of being normal skinny again. First things first appoinment with specialist. We I'll let you know what happens Monday! Bye for now!

My dad has been begging me to see his doctor (because he knows how upset I am with my family doctor). So i agreed and we are going tomorrow. Really excited. Hope all goes well. I know that I will still have to wait for OHIP but at least I know he will do everything in his power to help me. I watched this movie called "To be Fat like Me." It was about this skinny, pretty girl who goes undercover as a fat girl to see how they are treated. Anyway, there was this one part that had a girl who was overweight talking about what it was like. I tell you I cried cause I felt her pain. It was like looking at myself on TV. As long as it takes I will wait! Its just fusterating having people judge you because of your looks. No one knows what you go through unless you've walked in their shoes. I told a friend of mine about the surgery and she said she couldn't believe I considered it because she said I'm so beautiful. You know thats the first time in a long time I've every had a compliment from someone other than my family! My best friend thinks I have food allergys and that's why I gain weight. She thinks that if I'm diagnose with it that all my probs will be solved. Easier for her to say she's been skinny all her life and never over 150. I just have to keep in mind that my surgery is right there I just have to work hard toward it.

I had an appoinment with my family doctor.
I wish she was more supportive. 
I feel she just wants me to be depressed so she can keep me as her lab rat for testing different anti-depressants.
I had to explain to her why I'm depressed. 
Yes, my marriage failed and it was tough.
For a year I cried and cried and then cried some more. I went on anti-depressants for a little over a year.
I truly did feel better and I told her I wanted to stop them. With a big sigh she, not willingly, aggreed. 
I feel like I have to do what she wants. I know she's the doctor but she doesn't know how I feel.
I told her the reason I've been depressed recenly is because of my weight. I hate looking at myself in the mirror; I hate going out in public; and I hate not being able to do more with my daughter. 
My marriage is over and so 3 years later I file for divorce and look foward to my freedom and new found life. I'm so happy I'm going to have a party when I get the certificate. 
Anyway now I have to see a doctor who specializes in obesity. Apparently OHIP wants to know if any other doctor has seen me. So I have to wait for this appoinment. 
I look at the before and after photos and dream of the day I can post my before and after pics.
Take care for now,
Julie

I called my Dr. only to find out that she faxed my OHIP application to Dr. Poplawskis office. When I went to give the secretary the right fax number she said that she had never done that before and that I should pick up the paper work and fax them myself so then I would know that they were faxed. So tomorrow I go to pk up paper work and then fax them. I've been reviewing the memorials and well the've gotten me a little worried. See I'm a single mom of a 3 year old and I don't want to leave her without a mother. Am I having second thoughts about the surgery? Yes. But I'm torn. I want the surgery and then I don't. Yes I belive this is the best step for me to take in order to save my life. But then I think what if I end my life trying to extend my life? I read what others have been through and then I think I can do this too. I don't know. I guess today is just not a good day! Maybe some sleep will help! Goodnite for now! 

My parents (whom if it wasn't for them we would have ended on the street) took my daughter and I camping for 10 days and we got back Monday the 24th! Weather was perfect and we all had a good time! I really got to get closer to my parents & dicuss more about my decsion to get the surgery! They are behind me 100% and will help me out! I am really greatful to have them still in my life! On Tuesday 25th I finally filed for divorce from my husband who abandoned us over 3 years ago and then cheated! I should have my divorce certificate in 4-6 months. We didn't have nothing together (no house, no property, no money) only a child which well he abadoned when she was 3 months old! Shortly afterwards he got deported out of the country for not leaving when ordered! Anyway ,I've recently had to declare bankruptcy well I really didn't have a choice but I feel that I finally will get a clean slate at everything! Financally (In February) I get to start over, Emotionally (Once divorce is finalized) I get to start over and Physically (when I get my surgery) I get to start over! I will finally get my break! I want to enjoy life to the fullest, especially with my beautiful daughter who if it wasn't for her I don't know where I'd be today! She is the reason I get up every morning! I thank God everyday that something good came out of this marriage; her! 

I just returned from my Doctors appoinment only to find out my blood tests came back bad. My sugar is very high, my iron is very low and my good cholestoral is very low. My Dr. wants to send me for a 3-hour blood test which will determine whether I'm a diabetic or not. The good news is this mught be the boast I need with OHIP. I hope things don't get any worse for me. For now anyway I'm avoiding any sweets! I can't believe in a year how your body changes. Anyway, I will let you know when my OHIP gets faxed. Bye Bye for now!