no appetite

Aug 02, 2011

Its been weird these past few days.  I really haven't had a taste for anything, so I've been eating less than I should.  I am drinking plenty of fluids, taking my vitamins, and exercising.  I don't think its the blues - I don't feel sad over the  turn of events since the surgery. I don't miss not pining  for all of my comfort foods...at least not yet.  Aunt Flows visiting, and usually I am met with intense cravings for specific things and fatigue, but it wasn't like that at all this time around, though I was tired. 

I didn't want to step on the scale this morning either, because I was fearful & doubtful.  I was afraid that I'd gained weight, even though I've been eating well and exercising, and doubted that the sleeve was still working.  It was completely illogical, but still felt real.  Why?  Because I am struggling with letting go of the ideas (lies) that: 1) Nothing works for me, 2) I am inherently doing something wrong, or 3)  I just don't deserve it, so why should it work?  I cant describe it fully, but maybe other folks are familiar with this feeling.  I almost walked away from the scale, but if I had, then those thoughts would have planted in a small dark corner of my mind, and maybe grew.  So I stepped on the scale, and I am 299.2.  I know this is good, its exactly what I wanted, but because of the head-screwing, I didn't feel good. I was confused for a minute, not believing what the scale showed, so I stepped off and on again with the same results.    As excited as I was about reaching this weight a week or so ago, you would think I'd be cartwheeling all over the place. 

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