Self Image

Dec 04, 2011

Perception is a funny thing, isn't it?  One person sees red, while another sees shades of orange.  What most people don't grasp or consider is that to that person, what THEY see, feel, hear is absolutely true in their mind...no matter what someone else's perception is.  And it's difficult, if not impossible, to change someones's perception depending on how strongly they feel about whatever it is in question.  I have a point, stay with me.

I hate having my picture taken.  I'm sure this is nothing new to anyone overweight.  I avoid mirrors at all costs and full length mirrors?  Forget it.  I don't even like my blurred reflection in a window.  While I don't l look at myself in a mirror, I can deny/avoid the trouble I've gotten myself into.  Not that I see myself as slender or model-esque...but I can not think about it at all.  I keep it locked, way back in my mind, that I am a full  human being worth overweight (or a set of Olsen twins).  I have thought about this lately because I spent the week with my boyfriend and he would randomly sneak pictures of me on his phone and send them to me.  Not in jest, but being bored, he took a picture of me playing on my phone.  When I see that, I think, "My God, what a pumpkin head!"  I also did a project with my mom recently of scanning old family pictures to present as Christmas presents to aunts/uncles/cousins/etc.  I noticed 2 things doing this.  1) When I look back now at the pictures, where I thought I was so fat and hideous, it wasn't nearly as bad as I felt at the time.  And 2) I almost never looked happy in any picture.  Was it because I HATED pictures, or was it something deeper that the camera caught in my eyes?  Probably both.

My point is I need to work on my body image.  I am realistic in the fact that I am fat...but I need to work on not being so hard or critical of myself.  I need to work on seeing the truth instead of seeing only the bad.  Weight loss is the beginning, but it only corrects what is physical, and while it helps, it doesn't correct what is mental.

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