Changes

Aug 14, 2012

It's been a while since I've been here.  It took me a while to actually get back to this.  I think maybe I wasn't sure before.  Since December, a lot of things have changed.  I had a very serious cardiac episode that kept me in the hospital for 3-4 days, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, and I changed jobs.  I know it doesn't sound like it but I really don't like chaos.

In the last few weeks I've started to be more aware of MY needs.  I spent my life taking care of others and giving and giving and giving.  Damn it, I'm sick of never getting anything back.  My soul feels empty because it's not replenished enough by myself and NEVER by others.  So I'm learning to be selfish.  Not in a destructive way, but paying more attention to what I need.

This is where being here comes in.  My insurance doesn't cover the surgery.  Apparently they would rather pay for me to be in and out of the hospital, on sever meds, and have several dr. appointments at the age of 36 instead of helping me use a tool that could help correct some of this.  Fine, I'll do it myself.  I've been approved for finances and go on Sept 18th for my consult appointments.  I'm still won't really believe it until I actually get the surgery date (this is me we are talking about here) but I'm moving in the right direction.  And for the first time in a while, I feel good about the future.

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