stistie

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Well it's been a while since I posted.  I'm stuck at 198.  Seems to be where I like to be, I go up to 200 down to 198, fluctuates all month.  My eating has gotten out of hand I am trying to watch myself with the grazing.  I can eat almost anything now with no bad results.  So it's come down to the really hard work now of saying no.  I'm really trying to set to this thing of 3 meals and 2 snacks.  I haven't been doing my water or my exercise, in fact I've quit my exercising.  Hopefully I will get motivated with that again soon as I am sure I will see some results from that.  I really want to be at 180.  I've been in a funk the past month and I just got my meds changed and I think that has helped as I'm not depressed anymore.  So my big struggle right now is stopping myself from grazing.  Current weight is 198.  You can do this kristie!!!!! 

Well it's been 1 year since I had surgery.  I didn't ever dream I would have this surgery and now here I am 1 year out.  I am at 200.6 today.  I had gotten down to 195 for a couple of days by drinking coffee, yes I am drinking coffee, mocha to be exact.  Russell showed me how to make them and I have at least one every day.  Made with fat free milk and sugar free chocolate syrup and recently I have been swtiching that out to chocolate protein powder and that has done really well.  When I first started drinking the cofffee I dropped 7 pounds in 2 weeks.  Then it has krept back up.  I gotta watch what I am eating and start exercising again.  Overall I feel really good, my mind still has not caught up to my body.  I am in a size 16, XL or XXL shirt.  I have lost 107 pounds and overall from my highest weight I have lost 135 pounds.  I have almost scratched everything off my list that I wanted to do when I lost weight, thank to the cruise we went on a couple of months ago.  Zip line, horse back riding and rock climbing...and more to come.  I am just so happy I had this surgery done.  It's hard to believe I am 20 pounds away from my first goal and a week ago when I was only  15 pounds away it was almost unbearable to even think that.  I still feel really fat some days and don't see the difference but some days I look in the mirror and see the change.  Hard to believe where I was at a year ago and just beginning the journey.  I am so thankful for all the support I have had with Russell, my parents, God and friends.  Also for the support of my loved ones up in heaven, grandma's and grandpa's and Uncle Gerald, I miss you guys so much.  Thanks for cheering me on from up there!   

Well I am at 11 months.  I should be thrilled but I am definitely disappointed.  the weight loss has stopped, I am at 201.  I know what I need to do, drink water, exercise and eat right.  I am getting better at the eating part.  exercising I am at least going once a week, better than  nothing.  Had some bad news this week with Alex, think he might be dyslexic.  Seems like we get one thing figured out and then something else pops up.  possibility of moving, Sofie having issues with sensory stuff.  I ate a lot to deal with it.  So overall I have lost 106 pounds.  I really want to get down to 180.  So these last 20 pounds are going to be a bitch I know.  Hard to believe next  month will be 1 year.  I am in a size 16.  I've done some shopping for fall clothes and XL are fitting pretty good some are still too small but overall I am in an XL and a size 16.  Some XL's are too big.  Funny how the sizes are different depending on the brand.  And I've started taking 5 hour energy drink, probably a bad habit to start but I need extra energy.

Well I missed my last blog post - 10 month surgeriversary.  I was on a cruise which was wonderful!  I got to do things I never got to do before because of my weight.  I went horse back riding in the ocean, it was unbelievable.  I went on the zipline on the ship.  Both of these things were on my list of things I would do when I lost weight so it was a huge encouragement to me to do these things.  We also went down a river in a cave, that was amazing seeing that and knowing a year ago I could not have done that.  I was afraid I wouldn't fit in the wet suit they gave me but i fit fine and it said it was a size large.  I struggled a lot with the food on the ship and got sick almost nightly.  It was hard to see everything there and knowing I would get sick from it, they had awesome cookies!  Overall I did ok though and didn't eat nearly as much as I used to.  My weight loss has definitely stopped and it's all on my own fault.  I have stopped working out, I am eating crap at home and emotional eating.  I am eating more because I am bored or because I don't want to do the stuff I know I should , like clean around the house.  I went shopping this week to get some winter clothes since I don't have any and it's awesome that I am fitting into a size 16 and XL shirts.  I have got to remember this feeling and keep telling myself that feeling this way feels better than eating crap or even eating stuff I can have like fruits and protein dip and eating too much of it.  I've got to get to the bottom of this.  I am at 200.8.  I got down to 198 and never saw that number again.  I know what I need to do I just am struggling to do it.  

 

Well I am at 9 months.  I weigh as of today 200.6.  4 days ago I weighed 198.  I thought I finally would not see that stupid 200 mark ever again.  I wish it would just stay under 200.  I have slacked on exercising again.  I have got to get back into the routine.  I still don't see myslef 100+ lighter...some days I do and it's nice to still hear a few comments of how great I look but I just always wonder if I look like a fat person trying to fit into skinny people's clothing.  I wear these yoga pants because they fit and people say they look good on me but I can't help but think I'm trying to fit into skinny peoples clothing,  They are tight fitting but supposedly they look ok.  I wear a shirt that covers my stomach  but I still wonder if it's too tight.  I always said I wouldn't complain about the skin after I lost weight but guess what I am doing???  Complaining about my flabby arms and my stomach that is flabby.  I keep thinking about how I ruined my body.  Plus all of the strech marks I have on my body is disgusting...So according to the body tracker I only lost 1 pound this past month....I have got to get back to exercising!!!!!!  DO something even if if it's not going to the gym... 

Today is my 8 month anniversary and I weigh 201.3!!!!  So close to being in onederland.  I lost 4 pounds this month so the weight loss has definitely slowed down.  I'm okay with that.  I haven't really exercised this month so I know that is part of it.  I kind of had a rough month food wise, I ate a lot of crap and tested my limits with sugar.  I feel as though with normal food I definitely feel fuller quicker and know when to stop but with candy I can eat more and I pay for it later with an upset stomach or throwing up or diarhea.  Overall I am very happy with what has happened.  I still see myself as being the 300+ lb woman that I was.  Sure my clothes are different but I never really analyzed my body before the surgery and now I look at it and really have nothing to compare it to.  I just see the extra skin and wonder how did it look before was it fuller??  I need to go to a therapist.  Anyways it is hard to believe that it's been 8 months and I've lost 104 pounds!!!!  In some clothes I am wearing an XL in tops and 1x.  In pants I'm not really sure, I've been wearing the clothes I've bought a while back which were either an xxl or 16w.  Or XL Yoga pants which are strechy.  I am very paranoid about what I look like, I'm afraid I'm a fat person trying to look skinny in the clothes I buy.  I have no one really to ask that I feel comfortable would give me an honest answer except for my mom and she doesn't live near me.  Russell just says yeah it looks good.  Not much else.  
 

I finally made it!!!  I hit 100 pounds loss.  I didn't think I would ever get here.  I weigh 205.  I only lost 5 pounds this past month and actually was gaining for a while or so the scale said I got up to 215 at one point last month.  Anyway, I am just thrilled that I finally made that 100 pounds.  Next to be under 200.  5 pounds away.  Things are going well.  Went shopping again and took in plus sizes and regular sizes and the regular sizes fit.  Still can't believe that.  Not sure what size pants I wear as I'm trying not to spend much money.  I go to the doctor tomorrow so we will see how that goes.  Overall I am very happy all this and I look at my before and after pictures I can see the difference but mentally I am stuck.  Still at 305-325...Went to the swimming pool today with friends and I was more nervous going this year than I have been any other year.  I think in previous years I just didn't care, people knew I was fat and I just accepted.  I wasn't comfortable back then, but today was ridiculous how nervous I was.  I bought a swimsuit at walmart, so not the best but it will get me through summer.  My friend said I look really great and is happy for me.  My neighbor had asked me as well the other day if I had lost weight and I told him yes and what I did.  It's nice to have people notice.  Last month one of the sackers at the grocery store said something to me too.  So it's nice to know that people do notice me and I'm not just another face in the crowd.  The weight is definitely getting harder at coming off.  I am really watching my water now and am drinking about a gallon a day.  My diet has gone to crap but I am going to get back on track.  Protein first, veggies, fruits.  I am a carbaholic and I need to stop.  I see that and am making the change.  I am going twice a week to the gym, would like to get that back up to 3 times a week and am actually taking this week off.  Anyways, my head is back on straight and I am in this for the long haul.  Hopefully  next month I will be saying I am below 200!

So, today is my 6 month anniversary.  I weigh in at 210.4.  I have lost 95 pounds so far!!!!!  I can hardly believe it.  I can definitely see a difference in clothes.  I can finally wear stuff from Sams club.  I went to Kohl's and tried on an XL in ladies sizes and it fit!!!!  I cried in the dressing room.  It was a dress and it was beautiful.  I also went back and needed a shirt to go under a shrug and the xl was too big so I wound up getting a large!!!!  Amazing!  Capri's I bought were a size 16W and XXL capris from Sams club.  It is just amazing that I finally fit into normal sizes.  I'm so excited and blessed.  I thank God quite a bit for my strength and helping me listen to myself when I am full.  I still over eat sometimes and eat the wrong crap.  We went camping this weekend and I ate a bunch of chips...made myself miserable.  I am exercising still, not as well as I should be but I try to make it once a week and I'm trying to get myself back up to 3 times a week.  I know that is the key to keeping this weight off.  I plan on taking pics today and doing my measurements.  Things are going well and I'm trying not to beat myself up when I have a slip up. 

Today is my 5 month anniversary of having surgery.  I weigh 220.  I have dropped 85 pounds since I started this journey.  I can hardly believe it.  I still feel the same, I am wearing a size 20 and a 2x.  I went to sams club today and bought a dress and a shrug.  It was amazing to see that it fit when I got home.  It was nice being able to shop there, I've always seen such cute clothes there and cheap and have always wanted to shop off the rack there.  I haven't shopped in that size in years.  My head still sees myself at being over 300 pounds, I still have low energy and motivation.  Easter was hard.  I had such great intentions of not having any reese peanut butter eggs but come monday after Easter,  I had to have them.  And boy did I have them.  I had 4 in 1 day.  I got sick, not dumping just felt terrible.  This entire week has been hard with having the Easter candy around. 

It's hard to believe I am down 105 pounds from my heaviest ever weight of 325.  I'm starting to notice the pants and shirts I bought in February are starting to get baggier it's such a great feeling.  Next size will be a 1x in the pants I wear right now.  Im going very cheap on clothing until I get down to the size I need to be.  To think I only have 40 more pounds to lose to get to 180 is amazing.  I can hardly wait!!!  Things are going well and my spirits are coming back up.

I have officially dropped 80 pounds.  I weigh 225.  My weight loss has slowed down quite a bit.  I am almost 5 months out.  I am doing ok with it for now.  Thats quite a bit of loss for about 4.5 months.  I am continuing to work out 3 times a week.  I got measured at the gym about a week ago, hadn't been measured since January and they were shocked with the progress I had made.  It feels so good to be complimented on and to know my hard work is paying off.  I just got back from a family funeral and saw a lot of family I hadn't seen in years and they all complimented me on my weight loss. Again, it felt so good to know that my hard work is paying off.  People were taking pictures and for the first time I didn't mind having my picture taken.  I am hoping to be able to drop 10 pounds a month....I hope that is realistic until I hit 180.  Not sure what my goal is.  I know for sure 180 but possibly 160.  Size wise I would like to be able to get into a size 12.  I don't want to be able to go back to Lane Bryant or the larger sizes.  I figure if I am a size 12 that will mean I may sometimes fit into a 10 and sometimes a 14.  Anyway, things are going well.