Shrinking My Body and Growing My Soul

Feb 05, 2011

I feel like a Science experiment gone wrong.  I have too many variables in my life and can't pin down which is causing what!  But it's all good.

I'm still getting used to my ever evolving eating plan.  Adding an Iron supplement has affected my life in ways I do not like, read: constipation.  So, I am experimenting with fiber... today.  The laxatives recommended to me interrupted my life way too much.  Not trying something put me on a roller coaster ride with thrills and chills in the bathroom that I do not wish to discuss in public. 

I just had my ovaries removed, so I am careening headlong into menopause, read: hot flashes.  However, WLS has caused me to be colder than usual.  It's freezing outside and I'm conserving energy, read: low temps inside.  The net result is I never know how I feel.  I'm cold.  I'm hot.  I'm confused.

In the midst of all of this is the emotional roller coaster exacerbated by my great hormonal shift.  The weight I gained served a purpose in insulating me from my emotions.  I ate to mask feelings and I can't do that anymore.  With each month's weight loss, I uncover another reason why I let myself get to the size I did.  It creates interesting dilemmas as I face, finally, the problem that I used to eat over. 

My first response is to feel the pain, sometimes anger and shame accompany whatever it is.  But, when I get my courage up and face it head on, I feel exhilarated and released from the snare of it all.  It's almost euphoric to overcome the issue at hand. 

I feel so very empowered.  My body is getting smaller, but soul feels so much bigger.  I like that.

Blessings to all who read my post.  I wish you epiphanies and peace.

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