subia001

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i'm starting to regret having had this surgery.  i knew what was going to happen going into this life changing experience, but didn't expect to feel regretful.  it's so frustrating to not be able to eat like i used to.  i'm not cooking like i used to (food doesn't sound good anymore) unable to eat breads, stuffing, yogurts, etc.... my husband worries about me not eating like i used to, but i think he's more worried about my mental health (lol).  last night i craved ice cream so bad, and all i kept thinking to myself is that I chose to do this, i will overcome these feelings.  it's easier said than done. i'm afraid to eat certain foods due to the fact of the slow moving pace i feel going down my throat.  that is so uncomfortable.  then having to feel the rumbling in my stomach after eating.  feels like a rat is moving in my intestines.  oh, then the gas and diarrhea.  smells terrible and sounds like a frog has jumped out of my butt to burp...today is a day i just want to cry and wallow in my sorrows.  i'm sure it'll get better...but right now it sucks.

was today and it was really good.  So far, i have lost 12 lbs.  Not too shabby.  I went back to work today and feel great.  Everyone was so happy to see me and told me I look great.  You can really see the difference in my face (of course).  This morning I had 1/2 banana w/teaspoon of low fat peanut butter for breakfast.  YUMMY!  For lunch it's 1/4 cup of ricotta cheese w/1 tsp of sf strawberry preserves.  This is mighty tasty.

I feel truly blessed to have had a great outcome so far.  Can't wait for the bandages to come off because I'm itchy as heck!

yesterday was day six and i could not STAND  the thought of beef or chicken broth any longer!!! last night i made my husband dinner and i made some refried beans.  a teeny bit spill over the pot and i picked it up with my finger.  so i tried it...nothing bad happened.  so, hmmmm i served myself about 1/4 cup and enjoyed it.!! i took the first bite and waited 10 mins (as my dr instructed) and no bad reactions, so i continued.  it was so good!!my husband of course is watching me like a hawk..making sure i'm doing everything right and making sure that i don't over do it.  i have never seen him so concerned over me and it's feels great.

this morning i woke up at 5:30 and made him breakfast.  spoiling him because he's taking so good care of me .  i made cream of wheat for myself. i used the toddler portion (too cute) and it was perfect.  added cinnamon & 1/2 packet of sweet & low and it was AWESOME!!  so far two items off the list are a hit. 

ever since this surgery i have waken up early every morning.  i'm off from work and can not sleep in at all.  oh!! and i go to bed late too as if i have all this energy!!! has anyone else experienced this as well?  i can't wait to get back to work.  i feel so blessed to have done so well so far and can't wait to see the dr on monday.  i wonder how much i've lost?  hmmm

i finally did it!!!! Surgery was on 10/29th and i'm feeling much better. still feeling a little bloated.  issues i'm experiencing are:
diarhea (still dark), stomach talks to me when i eat my liquids.

i had to learn how to "sip" really fast.  was hard at first, but my mom taught me (lol).  do find that cold liquids are not the best for me right now. the first meal i had at the hospital was veg broth soup, jello & small glass of apple juice. the broth was the best thing ever!!! last night was the best sleep i had since thursday night.  tomorrow is a support class which i'm attending with my husband. just hope that i don't have to get up in front of everyone and talk...not my kind of thing. i waddle when i walk...too funny!! reminds me of when i pregnant with my son.  i do notice my chin line is becoming more defined. i will definitely be going back to work next monday..i actually feel really good right now.  the nurse called me today stating that i can start on soft solids this friday. so my choices are:  soups-tomato, split pea (never had), lentil (never had), etc; refried beans, mashed potato, cottage cheese, cream of wheat, yogurt, applesauce, banana (mashed), tofu (never had), peanut butter, mashed (fine) hard boiled eggs with a little light mayo & mustard, poached egg & over easy egg smashed fine w/fork.  i had food poisining 17 years ago at a denny's in bakersfield when i had breakfast and ever since then i do not eat eggs. i figuring that if i cook them myself, i should be okay.  i'm so looking forward to the soft food phase.

Wanted to thank those for welcoming me to the losers bench & wishing me well wishes.  very nice of you all.

well, my life has come down to this day.  today is my liquid day diet, and of course my mom decides to tell me about what she has had for breakfast.  i love her so much!!  she didn't realize it, but she made me so damn hungry.  i am strong, i will succeed, for i have been waiting for this day for a long time!  24hours from now i'll be on the operating table with tools & scopes hanging protruding out of my body.  no more days of me being the "big" daughter in the family.  i'll be able to swap clothes w/my sisters...lol.  i am so looking forward to my new future.

tonight i'll be packing my overnight bag..can't believe i actually wrote this. had my bloodwork & ekg done on tuesday.  operation scheduled for 8:30am tomorrow morning. i'm more scared about the pain than anything else. i guess it's from reading other blogs, but i'm so curious as to how everyone has handled their own surgeries.

I'm so frigg'n nervous!!! Am i making the right decision?  I've seemed to lose pounds just by eating right...but i know deep down that it won't last for long unless i use the tool i'm about to receive. 

My husbands grandpa Subia passed away yesterday morning.  Such a sad day.  He was 92 and a World War II Korean Vet. The stories he would tell me...about storming the beaches and just surviving.  Anyway, the family decided to have the funeral next friday..day of my surgery!!! Made me upset cause I worked & fought so hard to get this surgery date and everyone asked if i can change it.  My husband is upset cause he's the first grandchild, named after his grandfather & pallbearer, so naturally he should be there..no doubt about it.  I explained to him that he can take me to the hospital @ 5:30am stay with me until 7:30 am (surgery time) and he can leave.  I'm going to be so out of it that there really isn't any reason for him to hang around.  The hospital will have his phone number, so no big deal.  Anyway, he can come afterwards.

The nurse called me to explain what i need to stop taking & what i should have for my liquid diet day.  I have actually stopped grocery shopping for 2 people, and shopped mainly for my husband last night.  We bought a regular pack of steaks and freezer bags (among other items). First time we ever separated meat and made them into 1 meal packages....what i life changing experience this will be.  So cute of my husband to buy a tri-tip and wants to bbq it this weekend for me (he KNOWS i love tri-tip)

My mom & sister are so nervous for me.  Scared is the word i should use.  All i can do is reassure them that i'm in good hands and everything will be fine. I kind of wish i would have told them my surgery date was about 1 week later....gotta love family!!!  My stomach is in knots!!!!!!!!!!

til my surgery date.  so much to do, don't know where to start.  i'm planning to take just 1 week off of work.  so my plan is to stay absolutely healthy from here til then.  i'm going to start walking more & more.  i'm looking forward to the fair too! will be here in a couple of weeks. i have to have a corn dog..there is no way out of it.  so, i will save my sugar intake for it.  

i am so excited for this to happen.  i received a call from the hospital yesterday regarding my copay and come to find out that i can pay 1/2 & the rest in payments.  i'm starting to see the little light at the end of the tunnel.  i'm not buying anymore clothes at all!  i refuse to.  i'm going to make do with what i have..but i do need shoes.  i don't think they will make a big difference.  i'm just rambling on & on....

my coworker is planning our company dinner, and i suggested a really good steakhouse, and just realized that i won't be eating it!!!    sacrifices i have to make, right?  i'm so nervous.....

It finally happened...i got the call that i have been waiting for.....my surgery date is 10/29th @ 7:30 am.  OMG...what do i do now??? what do i buy?  i've read books, read posts and it seems that everything has flown out the brain...  my heart is pounding like it wants out..(lol)

i can't believe this is actually happening. 

i'm approved.  i couldn't stand it any longer...i made the call to the insurance company and was told i'm approved.  i called doctor's office to tell them.  i'm so ecstatic!!!    they're scheduling appts for april/may of 2011.  i'm waiting for a call back from the office manager, hoping dr. boone will be able to accomodate me into his schedule by the end of this year.  my company is going to change insurance companies..oh, i hope, i hope, i hope!!!

i swear...sometimes i think this surgery isn't going be worth it.  i know i'm wrong for feeling this way, but my dr's office is driving me crazy!!!  i'm stressed out, it's causing me to want to eat every piece of paper on my desk. 

yesterday the 14th, i called insurance company and they haven't seen any of my paperwork to be processed.  i was told it takes about a week to process, and i can call back on friday to ck status.  Approval rate is good and they haven't seen anyone denied after doing 6 mos diet & all necessary tests.  that made me feel good.

today i called my broker and she is going to call her contact at the insurance company to see if there has been anything processed.  i had a feeling to call the insurance company myself, and GUESS WHAT?!  They have NO RECORD of my documents that were supposedly faxed on Monday!!!  they told me to call my dr's office.  SO, i call my coordinator and she faxed it on the 10th.  (see previous blogs of when she supposedly faxed it)  she was looking for the confirmation page, and couldn't locate it.  She's refaxing it again...this sucks so very much.  i'm doomed