Tamaxwell

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I have gained 35 pounds back since my lowest weight after my surgery. I have been looking forward to having a tummy tick and breast lift for a year. I question if I should still get it down...am I going to pay $15,000 to have a surgery and keep gaining back weight...I know I am in control of this yet feel so out of control.

3.24.13

I can't help and shake my head at myself. The thing I want most in the world, losing weight and being healthy, I screw up everyday. I hate the draw that food has for me, how it conforts me somehow yetis my worst enemy. I want so much to not have to struggle with this anymore. 

I approached today with an open mind and without self judgement. I know all the "rules" I constently think about and "break" today I did not eat until I was hungry even though I am "suppose" to eat within a half an hour of waking up. It is not 5:30 and I am way under the calories I allow myself each day. I am going out with a friend tonight and want to have a couple drinks. I typically just opt out as there are so many calories in drinks. I made a decision, if I wanted to have a couple drinks, I would need to excersie it off. So I planned ahead as to what kind of drinks I would like and then added them to my daily log prior to drinking them. In doing this, I knew exactly how much excerise I needed to partake in. So in getting ready for tonight, I am not going to put on an outfit and tell myself how fat I am, I am going to tell myself to chose something that would flatter my figure better until I take off a few pounds.

 As time moves by, why does it seemingly get more difficult to maintain my healthy habits and weight loss... One would like to believe that as I break my old habits of emotional eating and form new ones, the new habits would become second nature. I have faced many struggles the past year and have found myself turning back to food to deal. It's so interesting to me, I as a coping mechanism and this very coping mechanism makes me feel worse in the end causing me to eat more. It is so frustrating that the most important thing in the world to me is to maintain my weight loss and live a healthy lifestyle yet, I am slipping...