2 weeks !

Aug 30, 2010

 TIme seems to go slow yet for others it flies! I guess when one waits for something it always goes s l o w . . .

I cheated this past weekend.. OK shoot me.. I had my kids come for the weekend and I made them schnitzel (veal breaded ) with fresh corn on the cob and well I had some! YES I was guilty after I did it and the worse part was I didn't do it in front of my kids I ate it secretly in the kitchen cause I didn't want to start a discussion. They are so supportive and I am weak. I loved the smell of the veal and the fact it was fresh corn on the cob. I gave in. I know I got exactly 2 weeks now to behave and stay true to my diet with Optifast!
I have been on Optifast longer then they said to I started a week earlier and I do notice a differance in my weight I have lost inches. Maybe weight too. But I upset that I ahd NO will power and that I hid that fact. I tell it here but not to my kids!
OK I promise it was one slip and I am going to be good to myself and stay true to Optifast. TOday is the true count down to a better me, a stronger me, and in two weeks I shall be starting a happier me too!
Fears are there, emotions are there, and yes decissions are there too.
Thanks for the support, understanding and cheering.
I am a good person....solid ....I will survive....

September 1, 2010
Well the last 2 days I have been real sick 101.1 fever, nausea, everything hurts! shoulders, back, knees. I sleep alot and sweat too. I feel like crap! Going to the doctor tomorrow want to know why I still feel like this. I want a blood test taken to make sure there is nothing stopping me from having this surgery!!

September 2, 2010
Well I went to the doctor this morning cause I couldn't take it any more and I got pneumonia. I have strong antibiotics to get rid of it FAST before surgery otherwise they might very well postpone it!! Here I sit and cry cause I knew I wouldn't get the surgery something would come up!!!
I went for x-rays and I go back on the 12th for another set,  if there is no improvement she will call the hospital to cancel until I am better
PLEASE                 PLEASE  I want to be better!!! I'll do anything to be better!!!
I can't even stop crying

September 3,2010
I woke up this morning around 5 with the feeling I had to go to the bathroom! OMG I couldn't go I had soft bowels for over 3 weeks and now I couldn't. I tried everything I broke out in a sweat!! HELP! at around 10:15 I asked my son to buy me an enima! I asked for fast relief cause the pain was terrible!
Well finally at 2pm I had relief, (there was nothing fast about it) I was ready to go to the hospital. I cried and ripped myself apart. I tore skin, made hemmroids, I feel more uncomfortable sitting down.
I wonder if it was the Optifast that caused this blockage? I even put benefibre in my water to give that extra boost. I never felt like this ever! I hate that feeling of constipation!
I hate putting pressure and ripping my canal apart.
I am just right now so miserable nothing seems to go right!
PLease show a difference to me somewhere! This whole week has not been great health wise I need relief ! I'm tired of crying, hurting, feeling week, can't move, can't take deep breaths, I am so tired of all this misery!

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