Realization

Mar 26, 2009

Today I was going through my period journal and realized that I weighed 346 pounds on September 21, 2006.  Now on the 11'th of this month I weighed in at 326.  Even though I have gained and lost over the years I can say that it has taken me 2 and a half years to loose 20 pounds.  That is so bad.  And I must say that I feel ashamed of myself even more than what I did a couple of months ago.  I should have done more, took more diet pills, starved myself or whatever.  I am my own reason why I can't loose the weight and why I can't get pregnate.  I have a goal of weighing below 320 when I go back to the doctor on the 8'th and I doubt seriously I can accomplish that.  If I somehow do it will be a miracle.  Even if I do somehow manage to meet my short term goals, I will gain the weight back.  That's always the story and it always happens. 

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