ursamajor31

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 So, this morning, I was feeling upbeat and decided to hop on the scale. I walked a couple of days this week to the subway station and can feel my body adjusting. What is my weight now? Drum roll please.... 318.8  Hooray! I am out of the 320's. I have been languishing in the three twentydom for the past two months. I obtained my first goal.

I've decided setting small goals is the way to go.  The scale and I have a shaky relationship at best.. Sometimes I outright hate the SOB. So, I'm trying to redefine the relationship.  I have read that it is a good technique to  weigh yourself every day. I'm not ready to do that right now. There have been times when I weighed and it just ruined my entire day when I saw the number reported. So, I'm weighing myself once a week for now. 

I'm still struggling with my sugar cravings.  It's a constant battle and lately sugar has been getting the advantage and socking it to me. I caved and bought a 1/2 gallon of ice cream not one but two days!. Plus, I ate cookies another day. Oh vey!! That sugar monkey is still on my back. The good news is I walked to the metro several times this week but I need to find a better solution for coping with my sugar addiction.  I'm fine during the day. I pack healthy meals and snacks. It's at night that I experience the strongest sugar cravings.  Sometimes, I'm able to ignore it and other times I answer with a resounding YES!!! what shall I have?!!  

I have never used drugs but I'm finding that me trying to conquer my sugar addiction is just like a junkie getting off his/her drug of choice. There's victories, relapses and setbacks. The really bad thing about having a sugar addiction is that it is so readily available in many forms and is fairly inexpensive. Uggh!!!  I'm not going to let sugar win. I continue to fight the good fight.  Sugar, you're going down!!!  

 I had my second appointment with Jodie (my nut) on Thursday May 5. I lost 2 lbs since my last visit.    

This loss was obtained recenty as I weigh myself every week. Throughout the month of April, I loss and gained the same 1 lb. My weight was stagnant. How did I  push past the stall?  Walking was the key. 

My new walking regime is working. I got a breakthrough.  I discussed with Jodie the dietary changes I have instituted and how I have started walking to the subway metro everyday. She was very pleased and said I am doing great. She said walking is one of the best forms of exercise and to keep doing what I'm doing.

I'm so proud of myself.  Changing my eating habits has been a challenge to say the least.  But, with every small victory, I feel my resolve and determination strengthening.  I haven't read that much in my emotional eating workbook. That's my homework for the month of May. Anyhoo, Thursday was a good day.

Charlie Sheen said it best.... I'm winning!

I weighed myself last Saturday (April 30).  I gained 1 lb.  Ugh... I have been gaining and lossing the same one pound during the entire month of April  

Good news is I'm getting better with my nutrition. Bad news is I didn't exercise much in April and the scale is reflecting such.  Last Thursday and Friday, I decided to walk home from the subway metro station in my neighborhood. The walk was 2 miles one way (4 miles RT).  It took me 30 minutes to walk home.  It was a nice workout.  Not only did I burn calories walking to the metro station but I saved money as well. 

So, I decided to challenge myself.  For the month of May, I'm going to walk from my house to the metro station daily (Monday - Friday).  This is an easy way to incorporate more exercise into my daily life.  Lately, I have not been motivated to go to the gym after work.  By walking home from the subway metro station, I have done my workout for the night.  I walked this morning and it felt great.  I just bought a mp3 player so the journey should be even better now that I have tunes.

I have my second appointment with the nutritionist on Thursday.  Hopefully, I can burn off some pounds before then  

After work this evening, I decided to check out a clothing store near my house. My sister had told me the store was having a good sale.  I perused the plus size clearance rack and found several fashionable items. As I walked over to the dressing room, I said a quick prayer.. 'Lord, please let these clothes fit and look nice on me'.  I tried on a skirt first. Hooray! it fit and gave me some curves.  Plus, It was only $4!!  Sold..

Next, I proceeded to try on 6 dresses and 3 tops.  All of them were unflattering. Several were too tight and emphasized my problem areas (stomach, thighs, arms).  They were sizes 3x or 24 and was the largest size in the store's 'plus size' section. This store actually offers a 'super plus' section (size 26-36).  As I stood in the dressing room looking at myself in the full length mirror, I finally realized just how much weight I have gained.  I am now borderline super plus!!  OMG. How did I allow myself to get to this state?  Just four years ago, I had lost 30 lbs due to surgery (not weight loss related) and weighed in the 270's down from a high of 295.  Now, I weigh 320...this is the most I have ever weighed.  I gained all the weight back that I lost in 2007 plus more. SMH.. 

It was so sobering at that moment inside the dressing room alone.  I had to take really look at myself. I finally noticed the toll this excess weight is doing to my body.  I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror. It's funny how you can deceive yourself and tell yourself.. 'yeah, I'm big/fat/big boned etc. but I'm not that bad. I still look good.'  Well, tonight, I realized this weight is robbing me of my looks (not to mention health, etc.).  Clothes don't fit like they used too.  I'm going to Jamaica with some girlfriends in less than a month.  I want to look nice. I haven't been able to find many things.  I tried on clothes at another plus size store last week.

Tonight,  I feel like I need bariatric surgery as soon as possible. I know the procedure won't be a magic cure but it will be a powerful tool to help achieve my weight loss goal.  I mention in my previous post how I am an emotional eater.  Needless to say, after my tramatic shopping experience (well, I did buy that cute skirt), I wanted to eat something.

Now, it would be so wonderful to be able to say that I didn't cave into my emotional eating trigger but I can't say that.  I did. I promptly went to the McDonald's drive thru. It was just across the street from the clothing store. So not helpful at all.  I did display some new behavior control and ordered a cheeseburger kid's meal.  Well, I got 3 cookies also. Still, I stayed away from those evil combos with monster carbs, calories and sodium.  My nutritionist suggest that I only order a kid's meal whenever I get the craving for fast food. She also said to substitute the fries for apple wedges and get a bottled water. Well, I didn't do that tonight. I ate the fries and had chocolate milk. Then ate a small bowl of ice cream once I got home. Arrgh!!!

Conquering my emotional eating habit is a constant battle.  However, I think the fact that I can pinpoint what set it off (trying on clothes)  is progress.  In the past, I would have just nose dived into a bad eating binge. I slipped today but I'm getting back on track tomorrow.  Writing this blog actually helps too.  It is cathartic. 

So, today was a bad day but I still have hope that the behavioral changes will take hold.    

After years of waffling on having weight loss surgery (WLS), I decided 2011 is the year. Now is the time!!  I'm at a crossroad in my life. There are several goals I want to accomplish and this excess weight is holding me back from fullfilling them. In 2010, I started to get serious about my health.  I saw several physicansand had lab tests to determine the status of my health. Well, the good news is I don't have any major health problems.  The bad news is I am morbidly obese! I am on the verge of being diabetic, havesleep apnea, hypertension and high cholestrol. All of the doctors I saw told me I need to get the excess weight off and recommended bariatric surgery.  I have tried diet programs in the pass and it didn't work. I would gain the weight back plus more. I knew WLS was the solution but I was scared of surgery.  Would I be able to eat normal again? What if I had complications and died? I hesitated and tried to diet and exercise again.  No luck... I didn't lose a pound!!

So, in March 2011, I have decided to go forward and pursue WLS..specifically the sleeve gasterectomy.  I like the fact that nothing is rerouted.  Just my stomach resized.  I attended an bariatric surgery info session at Sibley hosptial.  I enjoyed the presentation and my brief encounter with the staff.  I made an appointment for a consultation for March 16.  On March 16, I had my consult and got some bad news.  My insurance no longer covers bariatric surgery. I was so crushed!! However, my insurance would cover 6 months of nutritional counseling. I decided to take advantage of the counseling benefit and met with the Sibley hosptial nutritionist (Jodie) on April 8.  It was a good visit.  I completed an nutrition evaulaion before my visit and mentioned that I am an emotional eater.  At my appointment, Jodie gave me an workbook that we will be following for the next 6 months. The workbook is titled 'Healing the Hungary Self: The Diet Free Solution to LifeLong Weight Management.'  It deals with emotional eating.  I have to complete the first two sections before my next appointment on May 7.  I have started the first chapter and it is interesting. Makes you focus and identify why you eat. 

I spoke with the bariartic advisor at Sibley to inquire how much the sleeve would costs if I wanted to do it as as self-pay. He said $19,800!!!  Whoa, there is no way I can afford that. I could cover $9,000 at the most.  I ran across the obesity help site and found a lot of information about sleeve surgery in Mexico.  It is fairly safe and the costs was less than $9k!!!  After much research, I found Dr. Alvarez who specializes in the sleeve procedure.  My plan B is to have the sleeve surgery in Mexico in October  if I am unable to get the procedure covered by my insurance (I filed a petition).

My current focus is incorporating the lifestyle changes recommended by the nutritionist and start exercising. I have a membership to Bally's.  So far, I have done a couple of water aerobics classes. So, cheers to getting focused and on track!! I pray it continues..