waitingpatiently

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OH MY GOODNESS!!!! Where do I start. First let me apologize. i havent been around at all. soooo much went on after the surgery. I was sick for about a month and half. In and out the hospital, picc line after picc line, being fed thru a bag, giving myself insulin shots, depression and anxiety overload, possible fissure but then wasnt a fissure. so much happened, but through it all there was that day when i woke up and felt like myself again. Whoo! It is soo true what they say about this sx not being for everyone., but i am happy that I did it. At point I was going to ask that they reverse it. Just to be able to eat right again, but it really wasnt eating right in the first place (and that dam seroquel) that got me where i was. huh go figure. Even my relationship got rocky for a moment. Even with the kids. While I was being taken care of no one was taking care of them. But, its all good now. I am at work updating this right now, but when i get home tonight from my second job, i am going to upload some of my progress pics and then the big 1 year PICTURE of how i look now. I havent had any plastics done. My fiance says that I dont need it. I have the little batwings, my tummy is ok just a little tiny tiny pouch,cant see with spanx, lol.. but inside of my thighs and a butt lift would be nice. I am getting married 9-27-08.. my dress i bought off the rack size 16 (you know how davids bridal dresses run small) but i am wearing a 10 sometimes 12 depending on the designer. I am not going to say I love the new me,, because I've always been me. I will say I love having the real me back. 310 lbs was never me. I have never been that big, not even close. So to see the real Jami in the mirror. It has been a hard road to walk. Believe me. The eating is the hardest. I have developed anemia, but taking my iron and getting better. i am soo good about the veggies and meat products. dont want a protein deficiency. B12 nasal spray, multivitamins everyday and because i work two jobs and dont to the gym that much, i dont do the elevator. i take the stairs. so i walk alot during the day. Now, I do cheat , I am not going to lie. A peanute m&m every once in awhile or a chip or two. i have a thing for all diet soda, but i try not to drink that much. After all I have been through. I REFUSE to stretch out this pouch. Of course, it will slightly naturally. like one day, i ate a whole cheesy beefy melt from taco bell. it was sooo good, but it scared the mess out of me. how could i hold it all and not be sick. then the next day cant finish a banana. which i try to eat everyday due to my potassium being low too. i have so much to catch all of you up on, its my fault. being away from you. but u all have been missed and thought about. i am on my way to my second job now, but tonight i will put my new pics up and let u see the real JAMI aka WAITINGPATIENTLY (should change it to waitingnomore. Love u all, stay strong and happy.. 

waitingpatiently...

so, We had a very long weekend. We had guest from out of town stay with us. My fiances' sister and family. So, we had to get up early saturday and clean and get stuff ready for them. We then all went over his mothers house for dinner and to hang out. I had to leave early because I had previous plans to go to DA POUND slumber party to celebrate a friends birthday. Mine is this week thursday. But, we had a ball. I haven't seen a lot of them prior to my surgery. So this was their first time seeing me. They were amazed and happy for me. They said I looked damn good. I was elated. I actually had on a pair of jeans that fit me perfectly on sunday and they are my old jeans. They only reason they dont fall off is because of my hips. I finally have those back. They were incognito because of all the weight. My fiance, Terry even said he can see my waist coming back. I looked in the mirror again this morning and I like what I see. I nice tummy tuck and removal of bat wings (even though they aren't that big) is that last thing that I need. Anyways, I had a ball with my girlz. We didnt go to sleep til about 430am. Then yesterday we were back at the fiance's mom house and we stayed there til about 9am. It was a nice weekend I must admit. Fiance got a little sentimental about his daughters and how their mother has them looking and acting, but I told him that he can't blame hisself. He feels that because he is not in the house and divorced their mother, it's his fault on how she is raising them. Which honestly, isnt going great. She is literally a pyschopath and had to do two months in jail because she was harrassing me for over a year. But, I dont like to waste my time talking about her. But, as his girls, she is slacking big time. the oldest who is 14 and has a boyfriend, eh I cant talk about it. I get upset when i do that. Anyways, I have no idea what my friends have planned for me. I hope something because every birthday party I planned is off the hook. I mean, we be in VIP section with bottles of champagne , cake and all types of stuff and it's always off the hook. I have an idea of what I want to wear and how I want my hair to look. Yes, I love fashion!!!!!!!!   Dont have much to say but I will stay in touch often. 

Didnt do the scale this morning. Under 200 by august is my goal.. who hoo.

So yesterday I posted that I had stopped losing weight and needed to get back into the habit of working out. Motivation is what I needed. I went to bed worrying about this. I woke up this morning and went into the bathroom to take my shower.  Took my clothes off and looked in our mirror. Something was different. I started to see what looked like a shapely body. Smaller than before. I took a chance and got on the scale (something i dont do a lot) and I have lost about 10 lbs. I went into the room naked and woke up my fiance. Told him to LOOK AT ME. Usually I am still hiding my body from him, but not this morning. He said wow, I see it. I was like this is crazy. I was just going into a slump and now I am finding myself a little happier. Still going to get back into working out but this morning I have a better attitude and a lot happier. I just wanted to share this with you guys.  Soon I am going to have to go shopping.  I have been putting it off and working with what I have so that I dont waste too much money.  But, most of my clothes dont fit and I dont want to look ridiculous trying wearing a size 20 or 22 pants , when I am actually a 16/17. Well, got to do some work. TGIF....

Hello everyone, sorry havent posted for a while. Just been working and trying to keep sane. You know kids, work, fiance , home and  trying to stay healthy can keep you busy. But, I have gotten a new job and will be working the third shift. More money and the hours are doable. I have to plan a wedding for next year so that money will come in handy. so, here's the thing. I dont weigh myself that often because I still hate scales. I t hink that I have stopped losing. The obstacle that I have is finding time to work out. I go to work from 8-430pm and then i am in school from 5-10pm. I stopped snacking cause i know that was getting me in trouble and i dont over eat. sometimes i forget to eat. I still feel my clothes getting loser but the last three times that I got on the scale it read 250. if that scale is right. i haven't lost any more weight in a whole month. My doctor says that at my appt in august, i should be under 200 pounds. So i have 50 additional to lose. I dont have a gym membership because to me they cost too much and i dont have time to go. I keep telling myself that I am going to start walking because something is wrong with my treadmill. It will turn on but wont move. dont know if one of the kids got their hands on it and messed it up. but it costs way too much to get another one. someone tell me how to get that motivation back to start working out. I think I am looking really good but I want to be under 200 by august and I need to start working out. I have the tools at home. I even have THE FIRM whole set up. It's just finding the time. My days are full from the time i wake up to the time i get ready to go to bed. Then that is a whole other story. I take meds at night that knock me out, so in order for me NOT to be goroggy in the morning, I have to take them at a set time so I get enough sleep. 

If someone has any ideas or suggestions on how to find time to work out, please feel free to respond. I could use the help.. 

Well, talk to you guys later. on my way to school. 

Keep your heads up and Keep losing. Jami

hello everyone, I know my last post was a little scary and then i was gone. But, I apologize for that. A lot has been going on and I needed to do some reassessing of my life. Still with fiance. A lot of bull went on for a minute, but I have it under control..... for now. I am inlove and no one said relationships were going to be easy.  I think he knows that now too. We started counseling with my pastor and I think that helps a lot.  He has re affirmed that he is where he wants to be. His exacts words were, "My home may not be perfect, but he is where he wants to be. "  I loved him even more for saying that. His ex wife has been a thorn in my side, but it isn't anything that I can't handle. I ignore her. I've sent this chic to jail pregnant, so I think she knows that I am not the one to play with.  I guess she doesnt like the fact that I care and do more for her kids way more than she does. Believe me, i am not exxagerating. she is one of those women, that care more about what the man is doing with the new fiance and what we have in our home. She's pathetic and I just want her two girls to have a better role model. Even though she messes with their heads about me. My daughter is graduation junior high and becoming a freshman in high school. i am sooo excited for her. I am doing well with my WLS. I just need to lose 50 more pounds by august. then I will be under 200. i know for a fact that i am going to want and need a tummy tuck or full body life. I dont have major excess skin but you know how the rolls start to show up. I wear spanx when i have to. I love those products. I buy mine from Torrid. I love the new me and just trying to make sure that I stay healthy and happy. i will be posting some new pictures soon. To everyone that are my friends and stop by my page, keep your heads up,, it does get better. I can attest to that. Love Jami no longer waiting.

Hi guys, yesterday was horrible. The anxiety got too much for me and I started to over medicate to make it go away. Very scary, VERY dangerous. I called the ambulance because I didnt trust myself alone. My fiance is out of town on business but is trying to get home soon.  I was seen by a psych dr, and my own pysch dr and they gave me  klonopin. It took a while but I feel a little bit normal. It's weird because I havent heard of any stories like mine after the surgery,,, so let my story be alittle bit of education on what could possibly happen.  Still got the regrets but hoping and trying to think positively that it will get better. 

Talk Later,, 
Jami

I have been in the hospital since the last time I posted.  Got home yesterday. They thought I had a fistula. Started me on IV TPN, but it wasnt. Naseau and vomitting stopped but anxiety has taken over. I hate what I have done to myself and I wish I didnt do it. I dont trust myself and at this point would do anything to make this all go away. I know  I know that this feeling is normal and will pass but when. When I do I ge back normal and  at what costs...CALLING MY DOC OR GOING TO THE ER

HELLO GUYS, 
Sorry havent been around more often,, the yuckies have found me. You know, you are not exactly sick to your stomach but u just feel yucky. i have been feeling really naseaus lately. last night i had the dry heaves, dont know where that came from. not really eating what i should. just a lot of tea and popsicles... tired still. i had one good day,, and it was funny because the night before i had sex (i know tmi), let me find out that intimacy helps the recovery.. but that will have to wait now. my fiance is in NC for business.  He left this morning. I'm really not speaking to him right now anyway. I am really second guessing this relationship.. but thats a whole other story.  I am down about 25 lbs. Everyone says they see it except me. Living off of the pain med (liquid oxycodone).. it sort of helps, but not all the time. Still taking my power nap at lunch time. thats helps a little. Good thing our system will be down at 3pm, they are letting us leave early. I am going home, stripping and getting in the bed. i am worried about my liquid intake, I havent been able to drink much either. Even flavored water doesnt taste right. I feel like a trunk ran me over. I do notice that some of my clothes fit me looser. thats good i guess. my face is breaking out, i wonder if that is from my hormones running a muck. I swear, i am always sweating. i do have blood work i need to go have done. maybe i will do that today. i have been a bad girl. not really taking my calcium and prevacid.l i know i know. i will do better.  i think i am going to start to see my therapist again, just to be able to talk. it's very rare fiance is around to talk to.. and when he is , lately i havent been nice. but he deserves it.. i feel shaky and my tummy hurts. i just want to go home and fall out. i could go for a popsicle. that usually makes me feel better. i think that pain med is getting to me right now. i hate being high at work and it makes me dizzy too. i think i am going to go into one of our small conference rooms and put my head down for a minute. this sucks.. when do the good days start.. 
Talk to u guys later. much love.. 
Jami

Hi guys,, well. things have changed a little. I had to go and see the dr earlier than my original post op appt. I had this horrible pain in my lower left side. It even had me go to the emergency room. i was scared it was a hernia, but turned out just some inflammed tissue. Went to see the doctor, was down 12lbs within a week. Basically the pain is from the tissue he had to cut into,, sometimes it is harder and  alittle more painful when healing. it feels like something is pulling. So, i cant sleep a certain way and get these painful spasms, but i have some good pain meds. Still eating soft foods. KFC mashed potatoes is my favorite and hot soup broth. I do know that the fatique has set in. I am at work today and can barely keep my eyes open. one minute i am hot, the next cold. just want to crawl in my bed and go to sleep. trying to get in all my liquids is hard. especially when u cannot gulp.... i had one bad day with naseau and vomitting. it was last friday. i couldnt even go to my hair appt . popsicles are my life. they keep me going...oooh, spasm, pain pain pain.... ..............................................................................................................................................
ok,, whew.. still dont regret what i have done. just tired and want to get some really good sleep. thanks to all for being there. i have a post op sometime this week. I will keep u guys posted of course. Hopefully, i will make it 5pm,,,, i am sooo tired. 
Bye bye..

Hello guys,, first off i want to say thank you to all my new friends here. you guys have been a blessing and very helpful in this journey.. I dont regret what I have done one  bit. So far, everything is fine. No sickness or vomitting.. I am just following very closely my soft diet. And trying to get in all my liquids as well. Taking my vitamins, calcium, and prevacid.. I am not going to worry about weighing myself. I will wait til my first post op appt. I will also get some pic and start putting them up.. My first social engagment is april 14th. My friend is turning 30 and we are giving her a suprise birthday party at a club.. Sooo, that will be my first time back out on the scene. Lets see if i get any compliments. I found this awesome jacket on Torrid.com,,,that I must have. And I will be going to jamaica in may...then a wedding to plan for in june 08. I guess my dress will look so much better in a smaller size.. Getting a little sleepy again... gonna take a nap and be back on later.. Corrigate,, will be talking to u soon sexy mama.. 

Jami