Misty M.
I started to gain weight rapidly when I was in my late teens, as a result of Hashimoto's hypothyroid. Within the first 3 months, my 5'8", 145lb frame ballooned to almost 220lbs! My mom got scared, and I went to the doctor. Over the next several years, I went to college and gained almost 70 more lbs! Even after a near nine-month stint with the illness, I was still fat. I have this great self image, but lately I've realized that all these health issues that I push to the back burner are a result of my size. I'm 24, and I don't want to die. So the decision to have this surgery is a life altering decision.
4/24/06- I met with my surgeon yesterday, and he said it should only be a few weeks before I am approved or not-but my health insurance is pretty good, so chances are I will be. I'm apprehensive, and excited. I can't wait to get healthy and get my butt out on the beach! Viva la vacation!!
5/24/06- I still haven't heard from my insurance company. I'm starting to get nervous. What if they say no? I'm still prayin and hopin and livin. i got a stationary bike to start working out now, and am using lotion and oil on my skin to help tighten it. i will be using one of those girdle things to help my skin tighten too. but only if i can get this surgery done. Wish me luck.
5-25-06 I GOT APPROVED!!!! now im crying in joy, i gotta go, ill post more later. THANK THE BIG GUY UPSTAIRS!!!
5-30-06
I got my date. August 15th, 2006. Now I'm scared and nervous. It doesn't help that for the last month, I've been fighting a really severe sinus and ear infection that the docs just can't seem to beat. I have a possible hole in my right ear and my hearing is down to like 70%. I am barely functioning as a human being. I hate not feeling well. I'm miserable. But I know that I am a fighter, and will NOT let a little thing like an ear infection get me down. On the plus side, I shared the news with my family, and they are super supportive, especially now that I have a date. My dad even mentioned that I could stay at their house while I recover. I probably won't, but it's nice to know I can. I stopped even looking at clothes. I will alter the ones I have (good thing I'm a fair seamstress and my upstairs lady is phenominal) when i lose weight. When I need to, I will get some new stuff. But not until AFTER the surgery (but I am gonna pick up a couple of those ugle mumu-robe things for right after the surgery.) I remember having my gallbladder out, and I had NOTHING to wear, because I didn't know how much it would hurt. But people are telling me that actually is more painful than the WLS. I guess that's one I'll have to be the judge of. Luckily, I am a ridiculously determined woman, and refuse to be morbidly sick. When I was in the hospital for my gallbladder, they told me that I could leave when I could get out of my hospital bed and go to the bathroom myself, and that they needed to see it. So, less than 12 hours after the surgery, I struggled past remarkable pain and said, screw this bedpan idea, I gotta pee. I left the hospital at about 6pm the day I had my gallbladder taken out ( I didn't know I was expected to stay two days.) I'm hoping that I can handle any pain associated with this surgery.
My biggest fear is my relationships. Already a good friend of mine is distancing herself from me because she is afraid to be the fat one, and doesnt want to feel outcasted. I don't think that weight is going to affect who I am. I've been thin, I know what it's like. I think the only thing that will be different is that I'll enjoy certain things more, like shopping, and I won't be so self-depreciatingly witty.
I wonder if it's normal to have thoughts like this when you are prepping yourself for this surgery. I guess when I get a new psychologist I'll have to ask them. The quack I went to first is like, "based on your insomnia and your hyper focusing, have you ever considered that you have ADD?" of course i don't have add. I went in with a list of questions to ask and a notebook in which i kept my surgery stuff. Since when is it a mental disability to be organized? I won't go back to him, and I need to find a new psychologist to clear me for surgery for sure. My dietician is sure to do so, I've been working with her for about a month to make sure that I am planning healthy meals for before and after WLS. My endocrine meeting is in two weeks, and thats only to make sure that mt thyroid is in working order with the hormone replacement. My PCP has given me his blessing and is actually supportive of my decision.
My boss was suprised when I explained what was going on. I think they wondered why I've been taking so many long lunches to go to the dr. But I got the time off for my surgery immediately upon telling them, and I think I may qualify for disability while I am recovering.
Sorry this post is so long, I guess I'm just venting out all my feelings again. If I was talking, it would totally be verbal diahreah (sp). thanks for listening.
6/9/06--- Wow, this has been a superstress filled week. I have been horrible with food. I realize now that I have huge issues with stress related binging...which I never thought I had. Our little Moka (dwarf hamster) died from a respiratory infection, and I even took him to the small animal vet. He died there. My sister was devastated. But more than that, it brought on a lot of emotions that she has been trying so hard to hide: namely a fear of being let alone. Mom died when she was 11, I was 20. Her dad is dying because he is a drunk and can't succeed in a detox/rehab program. He has several forms of cancer, and has had strokes in regular form for several years now. He will die, probably before this year is out. Most of our family is old or gone, she doesn't want to be left alone. I explained to her that I loved her soooo much and that I wasn't going anywhere, and she got really quiet, with tears in her eyes and said, " But what if you die on that operating table?"
Well, let me say something here. I have had somewhere in the neighboorhood of 23 formally anesthesia-ized surgeries in my life. I have been under the knife more times than I care to mention. But I have NEVER been afraid of dying. Not once. Until she said that. I realize that I'm human, so I am afraid to die, but I DO NOT want to leave this little girl behind. She is my sister, my friend, and my kid, damnit. I explained to her that most people who die from this surgery are more unhealthy than I am, or get blood clots. I took her online and showed her the info that I could from all the websites. We read articles and discussed them. But she is still afraid. She wants me to do this, but has a huge fear of being left alone. I went to the OH forums, and did some lurking, and decided that for my benefit, it would help to improve my life. I never thought about the fact that all this fat makes it harder for the dr's to do the surgery lap. So I'm gonna try to lose a few pounds before the surgery. I mean, it's certainly not gonna hurt. And in order for my skin to hopefully not get all gross, and my boobs and stuff not to fall, I plan on doing some cardio and weights. I have until August 15th, 2006. I can do this. I have no other choice.
On a brighter note, my best friend and her husband are giving me their fabulous recliner, the people upstairs (mylandlords) are outta town till September so it's quiet, and my dad said he thinks my hair looks good ( got it foiled with lots of blonde) and I ahve decided that if my boobs disappear, I'm sooo getting new ones. AND my family supported this too. My family rawks!!! Anywhoo, I'm off like a prom dress, I'll update after my psych appt on the 12th.....
Misty
6-13-06
Holy sheeet! How come I didn't know a psych eval would take hours off my life? I mean really...The lady I saw this time was super nice, and is sending the surgeon her recommendation, so that's cool. But after the first experience, where the dr was like, "your not fat enough for wls," i was ready to see someone with experience in this arena. The new doc was a woman, had several bariatric patients in the past, asked a LOT of questions, and told me what she expected for me (that my stress levels are pretty high and may interfere with my weight loss) but that i appear to be a very determined person. I have little room in my life for major failure, and I will succeed, but it's nice to know it.
On another note, life has settled down from the loss of our pet. We are now quite okay. It is a one day at time thing.
It is summer concert season now....and I can't hardly wait!! I am taking a group of chickies to Warped Tour this year (in a month or so) and it will be oodles of hott and way fun! I haven't been to a show in a while. in two weeks, i get to go to the anti-punk show (read: country music) and i am pretty stoked about that too. I really have weird musical tastes. Come on Kenny! WOOT!
Two Months to go and Counting... I only have one more major appt to go to, and that is Friday. I get to see an endocrinologist for my Hashimoto's Hypothyriod. I'll update then. Adios!
-Misty
6-20-06 I went to the endocrinologist on Thursday (today is Tuesday) and I have a shitload of blood work to get done...the dr. thinks I have MORE issues with my endocrine system...like PCOS, and he diagnosed me with metabolic resistance and is testing all those aspects of my health. Like, 8 tubes of blood work!! I hate needles. But the dr. understands bariatric patients, because his clinic also does them....so he understands what I am doing, and made sure to verify that I understood what I was getting myself into. I do, and I'm ready. Today my insurance company called me to verify that I was indeed having this surgery, and when was I scheduling it...So that was cool. They are paying for it, and probably any plastics I need too....
On another, more pleasing note, I start school this week. I have 2 more classes (one this quarter, and one next quarter) and then I'll FINALLY have my degree...after putting in the 4 years, it's damn time!!
In general, I'm pretty happy...However, I decided to add some pics, so people know who I am...so they are down below....
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g146/weathergrrl8/8bfd0197.jpg
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g146/weathergrrl8/4e0d5c43.jpg
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g146/weathergrrl8/e8f5463b.jpg
7-8-06
Wow, it has felt like no time at all has passed, and here I am only 6 weeks away from my surgery. I wish I could just do it already! I know I chose the date based on other obligations, but really!!
Anyway, I mapped out the whole eating thing- that way I don't over buy things I won't use, like too much protein powder or whatnot. So I'm prepared there. I have a recliner coming to me this month, and a friend is coming to stay with me and my sister for the two weeks after surgery, to help me out.
But now is not a time for pensive thoughts, it is a time for excitement!! Because I know that in a few months, I will be a smaller person. and that is so thrilling. So, ta-ta for now, I have things to do, but I'll update more later...
7-18-2006
The time has just been flying by lately. I'm back in school, so that is taking up some time, but mostly I am just living my life. I have planned my last bash...a BBQ at my parents house. I am going shopping in two weeks for all the goodies req'd...I want a magic bullet, some protein powder and diet shakes, some soft foods like applesauce and sf pudding, more vitamins ( I don't currently have chewable ones, so I need those), a scale, and something to wear....a light robe or something. I am really excited. I have those fears, duh, but in general I am very optimistic and super stoked. I haven't really been eating well lately. It finally hit me that I have to give up french fries, and those are a major weakness of mine. But it is soooo worth it. I go in this week for my bloodwork and prep stuff, and the 1st is my preop appt.
on the non fat side, i have decided to go back to school full time. it will help my health (less stress) and i will be earning my teaching certificate. My psychologist diagnosed me with stress related illness, and suggested that I try to lessen my stress load. what a good way to do it. .. by moving back into the country!!! yee-haw!
-Misty
7-26-06
Well, yesterday was the start of my pre-op testing. I am three weeks away from my RNY Gastric Bypass. And I think I am more afraid of the bloodwork in 4 days than the actual surgery!!! I think my sister, who is 15 and lives with me, is more afraid than I am. I had my EKG last night, and it was normal. I have a buttload of tests though, for both my surgery and my endocrinologist. I have that gnarly thyroid disease. and yes, its a pain in the ass. My only hope is that after my surgery, i will be able to get it under control.
On the bright side, I started a higher protein diet yesterday. I am trying to eat more protein now, so that I get in the habit. Next week I take out refined carbs and sugars, and the next week I think I will be on a soft food and then liquid diet before surgery.
I am almost done with this quarter at school...I took my midterm last week, and I have to finish writing a couple papers. Then all should be good. I will be taking 6 credits in the fall....and in the winter I will be moving back to my old haunt, and going back to school full time. I am really excited. I feel like now I can live the life I wanted to, and provide a better environment for my sister (who totally deserves it).
Other than that, I'm just playing the waiting game. I hope the days pass faster, I;m ready to lose!!!
-Misty
8-04-06
It’s 11 days until I get my proximal Roun-N-Y Gastric Bypass surgery. At this point, I am ready, and excited. But at the same time, I keep thinking to myself, what the hell am I doing? I keep thinking, oh man, I gotta get to this place and eat this food and then go here and eat this one. I don’t want to give up all these foods. Then I think about all the great things this surgery is going to enable me to do. Jamie, one of my best friends, and her dad are going to try and get me snowboarding lessons for this next winter. I am moving back to school and will be able to utilize the big fancy gym they just built. I want to be able to fit in the rides at Disneyland and surprise my sister with a trip for spring break next March. I want to be a good role model for her, to show her that she can achieve anything she wants to if she just decides to take it. Being fat, my whole life has been devoted to what I can and cannot eat- I’ve never had an eating disorder and generally eat like a “normal” person. This surgery will affect my life for the better….I just keep seeing myself now, at 300 lbs, and in 10 years, even bigger. I know that I don’t look as obese as I am, NOBODY guesses how much I weigh…but even though they can’t tell, I feel it. I’m ready, but I DO have all the same fears as anyone else. I mean, I don’t have a thick head of hair as it is, and I REALLY am not wanting to lose my hair. But I started taking Biotin as a part of my vitamin regime. It should help. I also take a multi and B-12, Iron, and Calcium chews. I really want to do this right. I have a life to live…
The really negative thing, I’ve noticed, is that since I’m not shy, all my friends know I’m doing this, I’ve been honest with co-workers as to why I am taking so much time off, and haven’t held anything back. I’m fat, people can tell, duh they are totally going to notice me getting thinner, and question it. Why not tell them now, so they are over it later? So I was honest with friends and family, and EVERYONE is supportive except for two people. My stepdad is more worried about me dying, because he is like that, and one of my friends, who initially wanted to do this with me, decided that because she isn’t doing it, I’m copping out and should just, and I quote, “Get my fat ass on a treadmill and excersize.” Now, I have tried to tell her why that is not really an option, and all she says is I’m copping out. So be it. She is more jealous than anything, I know, because I’ve always been more popular, more attractive, and smarter than her, and it hurts her feelings. I have NEVER tried to make her feel bad about ANYTHING she has done or said, but there are others that have, and as a result, she often has some animosity towards me. And lately, ever since I started into this surgery, she hasn’t been as good a friend. I think this is the figurative straw, though I don’t want it to be. So I have been making an effort to maintain a 12 year friendship. I hope she wants to do the same.
On WLS news, I met with my surgeon. Dr. Lauter is great. He is like a big ol’ hippie, but I know he is in full control of what he is doing. He has been super honest with me, and because of the way his staff works together, I had to do barely anything except go to various doctors for approvals. I love this dude! I had my pre-op appointment 4 days ago, and let me tell you, it was so easy! I don’t have to go on a special diet beforehand, but I have to watch what I eat so I don’t feel poorly and have a lot of fats in my diet. My cholesterol is good and that’s a first. I have had horrible cholesterol for so long. I don’t know how either, because I admit I have been the worst eater ever!! You know, gotta prep for no more tasty fatty things…..
But…I am stoked. 11 days till I am joining the losing team. Wish me luck, and email me lots!!!
08/11/2006
Hello OH people! I am only a few days away from surgery. When I saw my PCP last, I was diagnosed with hper-lymphedema. I don't even know exactly what that is, I couldn't find it anywhere..so I'm hoping that dropping some weight will help it to go away! I'm excited and nervous. I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 in the freaking morning!! and that part sucks buttholes. yes, thats right, i still talk like a 10 year old when im angry. and thats ok.
anyway, i started a list of things that I want to accomplish, so i thought id post them, and mark them off as i go along. i know they are sometimes off the track, but thats who i am.
THINGS I WANT TO DO WHEN I'M THIN!!!
1. tie my shoes easily- Totally done by December 2006
2. go to a rawk concert and mosh without worrying that my fat will suffocate other people!
3. feel confident enough to start dating again for real- May 2007. Totally done, got asked out last weekend!!!
4. hike up Mt. Rainer with my friends
5. learn to snowboard!!
6. buy a bra that doesn't start with 44...and end with F. oh yeah. _WHOOP WHOOP!!! In a 36, h3ll yah!
7. go dancing all night long...in sexy shoes!- Done, May 2007. I can go all night in sexy stilettos!
8. buy clothes in a size Lane Bryant doesn't carry!- And I am now a 12/14, and closed and cut up that nasty old card!!
9. Enjoy my food, not inhale it!
10. Walk up a flight of stairs without stopping to catch my breath (Done 10/10/2006)
11. Walk a mile without pain in my back (Done 10/10/2006)
12. Fit in a tanning bed!!!- May 2006, I am tan and hott!
13. buy a new bed that doesn't get a divet in it from my fat ass!- Done, may 2006
14. take up bellydancing!
15. be able to use a hula hoop (not necessarily well)
16. take my sister to NYC and walk the city without getting winded.
thats all for now. I know, i know, im superficial. but its something i gotta do for me.
8-21-2006
Well, I am home. But how crazy my journey in the hospital was! I went in to the hospital on the 15th, and everything flew by. I remember a lot of people once I woke up. I had a semi-private room, with one other girl my age who was there for something else. the nurses were great, and my lap incisions were perfect. i got a fever in the second night, but it broke and i was fine. i went home on the second day. everything was fine, even though i was having a hard time getting fluids down. then i started to run a fever. within 24 hours of leaving the hospital, i was rushed back to the emergency room. they poked me and prodded me and watched me fade. i was so dehydrated i had no good veins to IV. no one knew what was wrong. finally they got me hooked up to an IV, and my surgeon arrived and asked for a CAT scan to see if i had lost a staple or something. was there blood clotting. anything. by the end of the day, he discovered infection at one of the internal incision sites, and i stayed in the hospital until the 19th, on antibiotics and liquids. when i left, i felt great, except for the RAGING period that showed up. I actually left the second time feeling like i should have the first time. and now I'm home and with family and friends, and feel great. still having a hard time deciding if im hungry or what, but in general, i feel fabulous. im already to pureed food, and i love the choc. coconut protein shake im drinkiing, and banana cream sugar free pudding. I do notice though, that i crave MUCH stronger than i did before. last night my sister had toast, and i was DYING TO EAT TOAST all night, but I know better. and in the hospital all i wanted was pears. no such luck, but thats what i wanted. i was a salt eater before, and now the concept of salt makes me ill. but sweets, especially fresh fruit flavors, attract me. i bought some baby food in fruits that were low sugar, because the cravings were so strong. and some sugar free chocolate for later, because i seem to want that. mostly i like water and lemon in it. i take a loong time to eat everything, and i have found i have to sit up or stand to eat, or my tummy hurts. but I think i will do alright.
8-27-2006
I am officially okay. i think i may have tore a stich in my external incisions, but I am okay. I am eating quite often: I can eat a 6 oz low sugar yogurt each morning. but because i have discovered that i cannot stomach the protein supplements, period, i have been eating lots of dairy protein. i eat talking head cheese sticks because they mush down to nothing, SF pudding, yougurt, and generally anything dairy with little sugar. I went and bought low sugar peanut butter (Jif makes a really good one) to eat every once in a while. and sugar free syrup (Mrs. Butterworths is good) because I am totally craving pancakes. last night i made two the size of quarters, and ate them with peanut butter. i chew forever to make sure i can swallow it, and take incredibly small bites. i was able to swallow and digest with no problems. i know i am technically not supposed to be on solids, but i am chewing them to literal mush. i tried a few sips of a milkshake, and dumped BIG TIME. but its in the 80's, so im dying of heat out here! thank god crystal light makes a slurpee (i can drink about 3 oz of it at a time, over an hour or so, and that is okay). also, healthy choice makes a sugar free fudge pop with 4 grams of protein that i like on occasion. and there are sugar free ice pops. i hate the heat. in general, i feel okay though. today the plan is to motivate ( i slept in till noon) write a paper (almost done) so that i can graduate, take a walk, and hang out with some friends. I am trying to get my life back after surgery. a little slow is me...but tomorrow i have my post- op appointment. i figure nothing can be as bad as that infection was...i knew i wasnt going to die, but i felt so horrible that i wanted to cry and couldnt, because i was too dehydrated. that was a horrible feeling. on the 6th i meet with my NUT to discuss how to get all my protein from food, since I cant handle the shakes. i think im doing okay now, but i need ideas. anyway, thats my life in a nutshell. im pretty boring lately. but ill get better. you cant get more matronly at 24 than i am already.....lol!
9-18-2006
so its been a month and change, and life is totally, 100 percent different. i have had only one dumping, which i mentioned in my previous post, and a couple foods which DO NOT agree with me. i have eaten at restaurants, and found what my pouch likes and hates. and in the process, learned to get all my protein from food, lost some hair and a crapload of weight. over the course of the month, i discovered that my pouch does not like chicken, fish, bread, sugar, or berries and veggies with skins or seeds. i am able to eat without problems steak, eggs, beef jerky, yogurt, pudding, SF peanut butter, bananas, soups, SF slurpee (thank God for this one), nuts, and cheeses. i met with my NUT and discussed getting all my protein from food...i intake about 45-55 grams per day. I tried some chicken, and that does not go down well. after some incredible food-pouch pain, i realized why we arent supposed to drink with our food- it washes the undigested foods out of our pouch and into our intestines (which hurts like a bitch) and leaves us with no nutritional value to our food. I went to a local steakhouse with my sister, explained the WLS thing, and was able to order from their smaller menu- a lunchtime 6 oz steak and sauteed squash, broccoli, peas and carrots. took me at least 30 minutes to eat about 2 oz of steak and 1 oz of veggies, ate the rest over the course of the evening (we ate at like, 4) and was able to get most of it in. no dumping, no tummy ache, no diarreah. I am a lucky cow. since then, i have gone out numerous times with friends, and since i eat my protein through out the day, but before i would go out, i let myself splurge. Sat. night, for example, i ate a cheese stick (yes it was fried, but i ate one over the course of about 35-40 mintues) and later let myself drink 4 oz of low sugar cranberry juice. A typical day goes like this:
Breakfast: Sugar free Carnation instant breakfast in 10 oz 1% milk ( i drink about 8 oz over 1.5 hours, and the other 2 as a snack)
Snack: 1-2 oz nuts, the rest of my milk.
Lunch: two egg whites, 2 slices thin cut beef jerky (about .5 oz), 3 oz. yogurt.
Snack: 3 oz yogurt or a string cheese, 1 oz protein bar (only cuz its chocolate....yum!)
Dinner: 1-2 Oz meat (usually steak) or an egg. Vegetable (usually something small, like 2 asparagus spears). slice of fruit (a small peice of banana or skinless apple slice)
I eat boring, but sometimes i spice it up- im addicted to SF popscicles. I also found one or two SF cookies during the course of the day is helping curb my sweet tooth (my NEW sweet tooth.) I used to go for salty, crunch snacks, but now I only want sweet. Weird.
on a non-food related note, i am down to 265 from 300 (day of surgery). for all you non-math people, thats 35 lbs. in one month....i think. I bought a scale, and i put it in the cupboard until mondays after work, when i step on it one time, record my weight, and put it back. today is monday, and i havent weighed yet. i did have a problem the last couple weeks with water weight related to eating a lot of sodium. i was eating so much jerky and nuts, because they go down well and i like them, that i had gained like, 5 lbs. ive lost it now that i am supplementing my diet. Ive lost a little hair, but not too much, and now I know how to eat better, so it should stop or slow. and now im starting to walk and this afternoon i go buy the dumbells for the arms. whoo. hoo. yeppers, im not so excited. but already my arms are getting saggy. im noticing a little sag in my belly too, so im going to look into a yoga mat and a pilates or yoga tape. back in college, i took pilates private instruction, and loved it....and the flexibility and stamina it produced! so i want to try that again. i dont know when i am going to find the time, but i am going to have to. I want to look better, to match how much better i feel.
i have loads more energy. i never want to sleep now. well, no, thats a lie, i still love to sleep. but now i can do stuff. i still have some issues with my stamina...i mean, i am only a month out. but i do feel better about myself. and woah mama, the attention i am getting when my girls and i go out! the last several times i have gone out, i have been hit on, and while im not interested in dating some dude i met in a bar, what a nice feeling, to be wanted.
anyway, this was a rambling post, but its been a journey between them...so thanks for reading. Ciao!
9/28/2006
Its only been about 6 weeks and some change, and I'm to 260. I forgot to weigh on Monday, and today is Thursday. I stepped on the scale this morning, and it said 260....not 263, 265, but 260. I have finally kicked my stall to the curb.....thank God! In other news, I have a horrible time remembering to take all my vitamins, thyroid medication, and biotin for my hair (which has started to thin). Now that it is cooling down (although this week has been in the upper 70's in Seattle) I am starting to think about how my eating habits will change- more hot foods. Also, now I am getting those vitamins in and trying to get only three meals amd two snacks. but it takes so damn long to eat a meal that i feel like im always eating. So I'm trying, and I guess we'll see.
10/12/2006
Man, what fun...Last week I got really sick with pain in my pouch. My surgeon said it is because I have not fully healed...not a stricture. thank god. I got a new job. I will now be a tobacco cessastion specialist. thats fancy talk for quit coach. i am going to be a counselor for people trying to quit smoking. so im pretty stoked. it pays way more money. the down side? no medical insurance. and that sucks butt.
I dyed my hair auburn again. blonde was fun, but its over. with my new, thinner face, i wanted to look hot. and i look hot with darker hair. so there you go.
i joined a gym, and bought personal training for the next 6 weeks or something. I am really trying to get it down. I want to tone up the flabby skin parts and avoid anything worse. I havnet had too much of a problem, but I have a few more months of insecurity. what with the bat wings i had from being fat in the first place. but, i told my trainer, MIke, that i wanted to tone up my arms and get a bigger badonkadonk. and thin out the belly, but thats a duh. my dad is willing to help me when it comes to getting a bit of plastics- he will probably help me pay for some of it, if and when i need it.
A personal goal has been achieved: I got a smaller bra. Not a lot, but I have to wear pretty nice clothes, so I had to have one that fit. And i finally bought both pants and shirts in the regular section of Old Navy- not the Womens plus section. granted, im still fat and in the biggest size, but Im getting there...size 16/18/20 depending on the item. whoop!
My biggest problem has been eating. I am sooo lucky if I get in even a portion of my foods. I can't seem to eat anything. and that is horrible. I finally had to try a new protein. I like Muscle Milk. it tastes kind of like nestle choc. milk powder. only a little. i think ill like it more mixed with ice like a frappacino. but im getting tired and dizzy from lack of food lately. and with working out every day, i need to have some fuel. im only getting in like 400 calories. and im soo damn tired. so the challenge is getting all the food in that I need. it is time consuming. and i hate food. i put myself on a soft foods diet because it hurts so much to eat. the dr said that should help, and in a month i should be able to eat the things i was eating (i could eat steak already, and veggies!) and get more protein. as it is, ive been having a hard time with working a full day lately. blech. anyway, im done posting, cuz im starting to ramble. Ill update again later.
