Misty M.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Wow, It's amazing what happens in life in a year. I got married in September of 2009 to a great man who understands who I was, and who I am.

But sadness: I've gained weight back!!! Not much- but in February of 2009, I got laid off, and over 9-10 months, buried my sorrows in bags of Cheetos. Sigh. Now I'm back in the saddle after gaining about 20 lbs from being wooed and being laid off. I joined weight watchers as a means to relearn how to eat (since now I eat pretty much everything, no restrictions). I follow the points plan, and have lost 6.2 of the 20 extra lbs I've gained, in only 1.5 months. Its amazing the ability I have since my RNY to become a normal woman again. At my highest weight, I was 310 lbs. I look back at the pictures I posted on OH, and I'm astounded. I never thought I was that big. I was so unhealthy. Now, even with the extra couple lbs, I can run, hike, swim, and shop at regular stores! I found a life partner that loves me, and finally a career that I can enjoy.

My weight will always be an issue with me. I will never stop trying to improve. But After seeing how far I've really come, I am no longer going to compare myself to other RNY'ers who are thinner, the skinny couture girls in the city, or any other person. I finally feel beautiful, regardless of the number on the scale. This is the feeling that I waited for. This is worth the pain, the suffering, the hair loss, the foaming, the diahreah, EVERYTHING. I finally feel whole.  

Wow, it has been a really long time. I gained back roughly 8 lbs since my last post ( I fluctuate, and have fluctuated, from205-210 for the last year or so). I've met a great guy, and I'm getting married in September- a little over 3 years from my rebirth as me. Anyway, Tony, my hubby to be, and I are on the health kick- both of us want to start our lives together a little healthier, so i'm back. i need the support,and imissed it. i've been stable for over a year, but it's time to live life right!!

I hope you are all doing great- I'm posting pictures soon!!!

So, I stepped on a scale and it said 202! I only need to be 197 before the BMI is overweight. Its a really good feeling, to know I'm close, even though I am totally struggling with all the crap in life. It's about to be my special monthly time, and I know I always gain and munch then (usually guilt free). but this time, i am feeling really tired.  i am due to go back to the dr and get my thyroid levels checked- ive been sleeping a lot lately, which was always a big sign for me that it was off. also, i havent been taking my vitamins like i should, and ive been eating toast in the mornings....so im a little off the diet. it pretty much sucks, but you know> what am i really gonna do?

i tried the 5DPT, and after the first day, found that i was feeling really sick, so i called the surgeon, and he told me to not do it, basically. see, (TMI ahead) i have really bad reactions to meats and too much liquids (IBS type issues) and too much dairy. i swear, i singlehandedly could keep immodium in business! not a fun side effect, but one i've had since surgery, pretty much. my NUT told me to read this book, intuitive eating, and start paying more attention to my bodys hunger cravings instead of my head. my stupid head gets me into trouble all the time. last night was halloween, and i had about 5 peices of candy! and potato chips, which are my weakness! all this after i ate about a cup of lentil soup and a slice of french bread! no wonder im not losing anymore!

anyway, i entered the new years roll call goal thing with a goal of 192, i think. thats about 20 lbs in two months. its really ambitious, but i think i can do it. or get damn close! by January 10th, my birthday, i will be 192, if i have to work out everyday and eat like a surgery newbie!! see, i think i looked best between 160 and 180 lbs, and i want to be at 160 by summer so that i can have plastics done (boobs, arms, tt, and thigh lift would be ideal,but i would totally settle with a boob job and a TT).

man, the vanity that has arrived with this surgery is overpowering. i started using this really great makeup (bare minerals) and started doing my hair, and all this other stuff that i never would have thought of before. its so weird. and i like this dating thing. im not used to attention from men (within reason- i still respect myself).

another concern has been alcohol. i dont drink much, but a couple times in the last year, ive been able to put it away like a college freshman!!! i know it goes right through me, and im thinking about not drinking at all....everytime i do, i gain weight for at least 2 weeks- stupid halloween parties.....

eh, life as we know it.

So, it's been a little while since  my last post. I've been super busy...I found a great job, that I love, and started dating a really cool guy! I have gotten down to at least 207 lbs, I don't own a scale anymore, so I'm not sure what it is as of today. I am going to get one, though, because I find that if i weigh myself, i pay more attention to what i put into my mouth.

i also had to see a dietician, since i had been having so many issues with food. i have a really big food intolerance to meat, so i eat it very rarely now, and that seems to be helping a lot! also, the food diary was inaccurate, so i was eating like, oh, 1800 calories!!!! no wonder i wasnt losing weight anymore!!

Now, i walk a little more (even though i have a desk job) and i eat better. and less. although, i have to eat more often (i eat 5 mini meals a day) i am still eating better, and less, than before. makes me feel good. and i started back into eating fresh vegetables, and that seems to be a big help as well. i have been feeling more positive as well.

i remember why i made the choice to cut into my body and alter it forever: i wanted, desperately, to be healthy and normal. im so close to being just plain old overweight ( i need to drop 10 more lbs or something like that)but I look like everyone else now (with a little more extra skin....) and i can't shop in lane bryant or anything anymore. it is a great feeling. i am healthy, i generally feel great, i can keep up with my "skinny" friends when we do physical things, and im NORMAL! as far as im concerned, the choice to have wls was a good one, and a resounding success.

now, my issues are all physical. i want to lose another 50 lbs (id be content with 30) and get a tummy tuck and breast reduction (lose a ton of weight, boobs shrink? nope, not for me!) and that...that would be it. i like the way i look, in general, but the extra skin will have to go.

loving life now though! Good luck to all those still at the beginning of their journey!

So, first things first: I'm still stalled. I refuse to believe that it is because this is the weight my body wants to have. I think it's because I'm eating too much and not excersizing anymore. Gotta fix that, bigtime. I know my "window of opportunity" for "serious weight loss" is pretty much gone (although I think that is a giant crock of BS, and I can totally still lose the weight I want to lose) but now, finally, I have motivation. 

See, on the 9th, I finally graduated from College. A big whoo-hoo moment for me, what with getting custody of my sister and dropping out in 2004, then going back in 2006 and also having surgery that year. But, as you can infer, I'm too damn determined to fail. One of my friends told me recently that I've come a long way, and that if she met me in the boardroom OR the back alley, she'd definately get out of my way!!! I don't know if that is a good thing or not!  I'll tell you one thing though, my OH family....being not so fat helps with the job search. People totally and thouroughly discriminate based on size...even when they say they aren't doing so.  So, being a college graduate, going out on my own again to be my own woman, is motivation number one. 

Motivation number two: a really good friend of mine is getting married. To a girl I don't care for. But, since I love him, he's been one of my best friend's for many many years, I am going to his stupid wedding. But, I also haven't seen him since before my surgery. So I want to suprise him.

So what, praytell, is Misty doing about all this motivation, you may be asking yourself? Well, I'll tell you. I don't normally keep a food diary, but I have been, and I found that I was easily eating about 1500 calories each day (I'm fighting the urge to graze all day long). I know that I can gain weight by eating many small meals throughout the day, instead of the 3 meals and 2 snacks I'm supposed to eat. So, last week (the day after my graduation) I put myself on a diet of 800 calories (the low end of my caloric needs) and got rid of all the junk food. Because I'm addicted to chips. and Sunday I weighed myself (all that congratulatory drinking helped me pile on 8 lbs in three days!!) and I was 218!!!  Today, one week after my diet change, I have lost 6 of the 8 lbs I gained from liquor!

And what is working, you ask? I eat a large salad (about 1/2 cup mixed greens) with every dinner time meal, add protein in the form of eggs, nuts, soyfree meat substitute, and occasionally, real meat, I eat fruits and veggies (except for apples, they make me sick as sin) and for my sweet tooth, i let my self have 1 or 2 sugar free candies at "desert time".  I had to finally go out and get myself some trailmix bars and some goldfish crackers with peanut butter to satisfy my need for crunchy foods, but I'm 6 lbs down, and by the end of June I want to be at 205 (which is only 7 lbs down now for the whole month.). WIsh me luck!

Misty's Summer Goals:

1. Lose 20 lbs by August 11th. (wedding date)
2. Work out for 30 minutes every day.
3. No junk food- Stay to 800-1000 calories every day
4. Smile! College is over!

 

so here i am, 9 months out, and stuck at freakin 210. i had a humongous gained when i started birth control (cause suddenly, not fat me gets regular, horribly crappy periods) of about 15 lbs. I've lost that (from march-april) and now im stuck at 210. which blows. I was having some depression issues with my college education  (solved that) which was helping me to eat all the time when i didn't need to at all. Now im no longer eating all the time, but im still not losing any weight. honestly, its pissing me off. royally. and so here is my problem....i want to drop 20-30 lbs before my year mark (putting me to 180, which is my personal goal) on august 15th. but since i have this horrible aversion to working out, its been hard. im hoping to start on that. I am a counselor, so i know that it takes 21 days to build a habit. so i have to work out every day for 21 days. hopefully that will work, but honestly, im lazy as hell. i dont like to sweat, because its really hot here (about 75-85) and i cant afford a gym. i know, i feel like im making excuses, so i guess i am, but i dont know what to do. i guess i really need a support person, like a drunk in AA. someone to hold me responsible to working out. if anyone out there has some idea of how to do this, to jumpstart this weight off, let me know. I've been down to about 600 calories, adn taking all my vitamins, water loading, and protein shaking it. bleh.. i think the problem is that i rarely, if ever, dump (only ice cream and apples and rice i have problems with) and have never once actually thrown up. it makes food easy. sigh. and im addicted to crunchy things. like chips. thats hard to give up.

on a more happy note, i have accomplished some of my personal goals that i blogged before. i went in and adjusted them with a done stamp. 

so there it is. my pissyness shared. hopefully, everyone else is doing well...

for anyone who reads my blog, i apologize for being lazy....but its been an interesting few months!
i have so much more energy. im consantly doing something, and in the entire time since my surgery, i havent once tossed my cookies! but i do dump pretty often on new foods. i can eat almost anything i want, but i still keep it pretty safe, with lots of dairy, soups, and soft foods. i do enjoy meat of all sorts, and i love veggies. although, strangely enough, fruit and me are not friends. i can do citrus, and some berries. but really, fruit is too sweet for me. but i do have a sudden appreciation for broccoli, which i detested before my rny. weird, eh?
i have lost a lot of hair; but its starting to grow back, and has all these little fly aways. i think my neglect for vitamins had something to do with it. i was really bad at vitamins at first. now i take a crapload- mulit with biotin, an extra biotin, folic acid, vitamin b12, iron, b complex, calcium, and of course, thyroid medicine. it seems like a lot, but i feel better when i take my vitamins. 
when i started this journey, i was 301 lbs, with a bmi of about 47. now, im weighing in at anywhere from 210-215, and im only 6.5 months out. my goal is not skinny, not fat. i wear a size 14/16 now, and id like to be a size 9/10. im getting there.
ive noticed certain sagging of the skin, but mostly only my arms and breasts. Although the boobs havent really gotten any smaller, much to my chagrin. in a year and a half, i want to get a reduction- my boobs just seem so heavy now, and they get in the way. heh. 
eck, i stepped on a scale at my dads house, and it said 217...stupid birth control makes you gain weight, but that just seems like a lot. i dont weigh very often...im kind of lazy that way. im not obsessed with my weight at all, but my health is sooo important to me. ive been able to walk, shop like i want to, and now that spring is on its way, i will start doing the walking outside and going to the lake and river to enjoy the sunshine. im pretty excited. im also considering my future. i am earning my teaching certificate right now (ive already earned my bachelors) and have been considering doing teach for america, thru the americorps. i would do the peace corps, but with the tummy thing, id rather not be in another country.besides, theres plenty of people who need help in this country.
anyway, im doing so well, i thought id share. someone asked me if i regretted this decision in any way. hair loss, sagging skin, strange eating habits, strained friendships..its all a part of life for me, and i wouldnt have it any other way. because now i feel alive. i feel healthy. and i am learning to like me, for who i am, rather than the size of my ass. and thats a good thing!

So, I'm being horrible about weight loss. It's been almost two months, and I've only lost about 15 lbs. Yep, that's right, 15 lbs. I'm 229. I hate being me. But I know it's all my own fault. I am going thru stress, and instead of dealing with it by substituting an activity, I ate my way thru the holidays. I don't dump often, and I've never vomited. Perhaps that is why I can't seem to lose weight. But in the new year, I've moved to another city, and I will be starting back at the gym soon. I also will have a yoga class twice a week, which is really exciting. I moved into a less stressful area, so I can eat healthier and see my best friends more often. Well, some of them. And when the snow goes away, I'll be driving to Yakima to attend some sort of support meeting. I think I need it.  So I made a list of goals to attain. I know that for me, list making and being accountable for crossing list items off helps me to accomplish a goal (spoken like the counselor I am!!!) So, in order to be extra special, I am sharing my lists with you all!!!  

1. Eat more protein and less potato chips (my vice) May 2007- this is a continuous struggle.
2. Excersize daily (easier now that I live several blocks from campus and must hike in 5 feet of freakin snow!)- may 2007. i walk, but i have a hard time with literal working out
3. Get as many vitamins in as I can- Schedule them out.- May 2007. i take them every day, even though sometimes i forget calcium!! my hair is growing back...
4. No more sweets everyday- limit to once or twice a week
5. Plan menu- cheaper and safer!
6. Measure my foods. 
7. Drink 4 oz of calorie free beverage when my head says im hungry, then wait 20 minutes to see if I really am. 

I'm hoping that these little things will help me out a little bit. I don't work out right now, since I moved 200 miles away from Seattle. I feel sluggish and fat. Any other suggestions>

I weighed today. I try to o nly weigh on m onday's. i lied. I was 244.5. and i'm feeling bloated, so i think that im doing pretty good. I started making positive i got all my vitamins in (that is pretty hard, cuz im so damn lazy) and today i had good healthy veggies and fruits...then i dumped. BIG TIME- at work, while I'm training at my new job. it was so embarrassing. luckily, the small training class knows, and i was able to take the time i needed to be miserable in the ladies room. still no major vomiting (although i get the foamies on rare occasions. ) im doing well. i have been worried about my friend becca, becuase i havent been able to reach her...she was my roomie during mysecond hospital stay, and she is a sweetheart
im starting to be able to eat again. i have been on solids, but i eat really really slow, and try to eat solids gone retarded (lots of soup in my diet, and some soft foods like eggs and pudding). But i stalled, so i know i need to eat more- im barely making caloric intake of 800 cals, IF i make it at all..anyway, i put up a couple new pic, of me at almost -60 lbs, and i look pretty damn hot, if you ask me....lol!!

New BMI- 37.5. Today I weighed in at 247. I haven't been able to drop weight for a couple days. I was hoping to lose 20 lbs this month, to get to 238. I'm starting to slow A LOT! I think it's because I had been having such a problem with eating. I am not interested in food, and with the exception of muscle milk, protein shakes nauseated me. The last few days I've been eating again, but I can't eat meat. Everytime that I do, I get foam vomit- and I hate that. I haven't gotten sick for real yet though, and I hope I never do. In the meantime,I got a new job!! I am a counselor to help people quit smoking. I love it! So this week I was pretty bad. My goal is to go to the gym at least 3 times per week, but it's kind of hard. Or at least, that's my excuse. This week was rough on me emotionally because my stepfather went into the hospital, and I had to attend the funeral of a 22 year old leukemia death. It was a loong week. I am really glad it's over. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will start it with a great protein shake, a trip to the personal trainer, and finish with a costume party. Oh yeah. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!