Question:
Am I the only one that is not telling no one? Please don't post no mean messages.
I have been in chat and talked to others too. I choose not to tell no one and others choose to tell. (which ever you choose is fine with me) I look at it like this... Alot of people tell for different reasons and alot don't tell. I would like to hear from those who chose not to tell and why. I did not tell because I feel that my daughter worries so much about little things. I can not tell her about this she would think about it to to much I think. Then tell everyone too. She has no problem talking. Also I feel if someone wants to know about this kind of surgery for weight loss they have to find it first. I don't want my daughter or anyone else to think this is a diet. It took me along time to get here. Something that you just don't jump into. I have delt with bigger things than this in my life and delt with them too and no reason to let everyone know about this. (This is just how I feel and Please don't post if you are against what I said because we don't need no negitivity PLEASE) Please post if you have any comments that goes along with what I said but different outlooks. — [Anonymous] (posted on April 2, 2001)
April 2, 2001
I too will not tell anyone. Nobody's business but mine. While I admire
the people who do tell all, I am not one of them, and I have a right to do
whichever I choose.
I've tried so many diets that I no longer tell people if I am on one. This
will include WLS when I finally go for it. It is my decision, my body, and
I will choose whether or not to tell. I choose not to.
— defatbroad
April 2, 2001
I truly understand your want to keep this private and to yourself. I have
elected not to share this with my mother for now, because I do not have a
surgery date. I had an aunt that had the old bowel by pass and had to have
it undone and she gained all her weight back. I feel my mother would not
approve and try to talk me out of it, not that she could, but I don't want
to be in any arguments over this. Unless you live alone and never go out
with friends or family to eat, you will have quite a challenge on your
hands. My friends have been very supportive which is what I need right
now. I send you my prayers and hope that you find the kind of support you
need. This site is so good and most of the people here truly care about
each other.
— Kay J.
April 2, 2001
I think you have the right to tell who you want and only when you feel
comfortable in telling. At this time the only person who knows that I am
going to do this is my husband and my Dr. We are both having it done and my
husband has only told a close friend who is also considering it. We will
tell our children when we have all the process done and then have a family
meeting to do it, they are all grown and two are married at this time and
knowing my children like I do they will be very supportive but with things
like this I think it is best to tell them altogether so all questions can
be answered at once and you don't have any misinformation. I have decided
not to tell any of my co-workers,my boss or people at church as I want to
have all the answers to their questions and some of them I am sure will
not understand nor will they be supportive of our decision. You will know
when it is the right time for you. Good luck
— Jennie D.
April 2, 2001
I have decided not to tell anyone when I actually get the surgery. I told
several of my friends, sister and Mother that I was thinking about it.
Only my Mother was supportive. I was shocked at their responses. My
sister said "you won't be able to eat alot anymore (yes this is the
point) and also said that Carnie Wilson's face looked wrong now (yes it
looks as it should without the fat).
Two of my friends asked me to really give losing weight a fighting chance
and really try. I almost started crying. My last try was in 1999 when I
really dieted and worked out 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours EVERYDAY. If that isn't
giving it a chance I don't know what is. So no I won't be telling because
they make me feel like this is a easy way out when I know it isn't. Only
my Mom, God love her she's 80, said 'if this will help go ahead'
— Elizabeth A.
April 2, 2001
I told my immediate family members, just in case something went wrong.
Other than that, I didn't tell anyone especially the people I work with.
As I am losing weight and feeling great, if people ask how I am doing
it, I can now tell them. This was my decision and I didn't want anyone
trying to talk me out of it. But it is everyone owns personal choice.
Best of luck to you.
— Rose D.
April 2, 2001
I feel it is your right on who you want to tell. I was/am the exact
opposite. I tell anyone who notices the weight loss. I have lost 95
pounds since July and have been holding steady at 180 for a couple of
months. Since I work in the health care field I didn't want people
assuming that I was sick with a terrible disease since it is a fast weight
loss. Plus I am very proud to have gone thru this with zero complications
so if I could I would shout it to the world that my Dr. is a wonderful
person. Good luck to all.
— michelle M.
April 2, 2001
I told just about everyone that was important to me. I really didn't care
what other people thought about what I was doing. I did this for me and my
health. You know people are always going to have something negative to say
about what you do. You have every right to say or not to say anything if
you don't want to. Its your choice.
— [Anonymous]
April 3, 2001
I was very selective about who I told ... husband, sons, mom, dad, brother,
sister-in-law, sister, sisters SO, aunt, and 2 very, very close friends.
Many of my family members are also overweight/obese/morbidly obese, so they
understand that diets don't work and they were very supportive. I am a
private person and don't make a habit of sharing the intimate details of my
life with everyone I know ... and I felt the same about WLS. For me, it
was a very personal decision, and I had no desire to hear all the
negativity and snide remarks that some people would have been compelled to
make. Of course, as the weight comes off, people start noticing. Most
people just tell me I am looking good or say something nice ... a couple
have asked what I am doing. I tell them I don't believe in diets, but that
I am trying to eat healthier, eliminated sugar from my diet, watch my fat
intake, and exercise. This is all true ... I just don't tell them I had
WLS. Most people who know me are aware that I had surgery a few months ago
... but I did not specify what kind. Most don't press for details ... but
the few that do are told that I had scar tissue and adhesions from previous
surgeries that were causing me problems and had to be removed ... again ...
this is true, just not the "whole" truth. I am normally a very
truthful person and I do have some pangs of conscience about not telling
the whole truth ... but not enough to expose myself to the ignorant and
hateful remarks some people would make. I live in a fairly small town and
I have no desire to be the topic of the day for the gossip mill ... people
may speculate about the weight loss, but no one knows for sure. People who
have known me a long time have seen me lose weight before (only to gain it
all back, of course), so it's not like I have never been a smaller size.
Those who believe that diets are the answer may think that I am just on yet
another diet. My only exception to my "don't ask, don't tell"
policy is that I will gladly tell all to any MO person who is interested in
hearing about surgery. I have answered many, many questions on this site,
in the chat room and via e-mail ... and I always tell it all (the good, the
bad, and the ugly). My doctor has an open invitation to give my name and
number to any of his patients who are considering WLS and wants to talk to
someone who has actually done it. Forgive me for rambling, but I have
pretty strong feelings on this subject. A final thought on the subject:
if you don't tell a lot of people now, you can always tell them later if
you want to. If you tell everyone now, and regret it, you can't
"untell" them. Good luck on your weight loss journey.
— Lynn T.
April 3, 2001
I felt I had to tell my fiance, but he is against it. That was no fun. I
told his mother because I wanted some outside of the computer live support.
She was thrilled, but very concerned about affording the hotel and travel.
She is MO as is my fiance. She is much older and has "been there and
tried that" so understands how impressive new medical technology is. I
am afraid to tell some of my family because my adoptive mother did it
"the old fashioned way" and is really gungho on her methods. My
bio-mom would be supportive but nervous. As for co workers I have only
talked to one about my considerations for this. She thinks I am too young
to "give up." However she has a brother in law or something who
has major comorbidities and is 400+ lbs so she is referring him here. I am
hesitant to ask my PCP for a referral because I have only seen him once and
I have no documented history. He has a lot of obese patients including my
fiance and his recommendations have been diet and exersize emphatically.
It's really a personal choice how finds out and why and how. Everyone
should do it their own way. Good luck to you.
— Danine N.
April 3, 2001
I Chose only to tell my husband,(duh)my mother,daughter,& 1 of my sons
& his wife. Everyone else thinks I'm getting gall bladder
surgery/removal. (about the same recovery time I think) That way, I can
still receive some support after the surgery. Keep Well! *_*
— [Anonymous]
April 3, 2001
I believe that after having this surgery it is our duty to
help inform as many obese people as we can help...
there are many many people who have no idea how accesable this
surgery is to them...
seeing it on TV and in Magizines they could think it is above their
heads and not know how to go about finding the answer..
I know this to be true...
since my sister had surgery 3 years ago she has inadvertently help
thru word of mouth at least 50 people that we can count
a friend told a friend who told a friend on and on and on..
I told the world...
I did not hear one word of critisisam..
all I heard was words of support..
now when I see overweight people I am dying to tell them..
but how do you approach a complete stranger ..
I am buying a T.Shirt in hopes of people asking me about this
surgery
So please People dont assume people know about this surgery..
Love your fellow man enough to tell them of this lifesaving surgery
It changed your life
It will change theirs also
— Kathleen M.
April 3, 2001
No I don't think it is our duty to tell others. This weight loss operation
is out there. If you are looking for a way you will find a way. To all of
you who feel like keeping it to yourself ~~~~ there is nothing wrong with
it. Don't let nobody make you feel different about your desision. Have a
healthy life.
— [Anonymous]
April 3, 2001
You do not say how old your daughter is. If she is a child, I think you
need to tell her something so she does not worry needlessly over your
absence and recovery. If she is an adult, then you need to decide what is
best for you in the long run. I am not telling anyone I do not have to
tell. As far as it being our 'duty' to tell people about it, I disagree.
If someone has strong feelings about sharing, then by all means do so but
this must be a private choice.
— Julia O.
April 3, 2001
I have also decided to not tell about my surgery. It is scheduled for
6/4/01 and there are five people who know about it. Plus all of you folks
at AMOS<G> I'm doing this for me and my health. After it is said and
done and I'm well on my way to a healthier me, if someone asks....then I'll
tell. For now it's just our little secret....
— Pamela B.
April 3, 2001
I have not had the operation yet, but I have decided not to tell those who
don't need to know. My mom and husband know I want to have it done, my
best friend, and three of my closest co-worker/friends. I don't plan to
tell anyone else. I told my oldest son (6) that I may have an operation
like "daddy" did (my husband had a disc removed from his back a
couploe years ago and my son asked a lot of questions), so he won't worry
too much when I do it. But other than that, I feel it is no on else's
business. After I have it done, I would like to be able to tell others if
they ask (other MO people I come into contact with), but I am not at that
point yet. Good luck to you and remember this is totaly your decision to
make.
— Brandy W.
April 3, 2001
I am not telling because I like to see how I am and how I am doing
first....Like Susan Summers and her cancer she did not tell no one til she
thought she was okay then she told. I am not saying that this is the best
way or not but this is what I am going to do. Later a year goes by and I
am doing fine then I might but til then no way. And as far as the lady
says about running down the street and telling everyone about this
surgery......well I can't because if something happened to someone while
they was in surgery or Post op or he or she did not like the operation
after they did it I would feel so bad because I brought it up to them.
But just in general talk and the subject gets brought up then that is a
different story but as far as me running up to someone and telling them
that this operation is for them. No way not me.
— [Anonymous]
April 3, 2001
It's funny, but I can talk to perfect strangers about what I am planning (I
think I'm still in the planning stage since I don't have a date yet.)
However, when it comes to my family I am very reluctant. I think it's
because I went out on a limb and told my brother and he became the next
diet guru! (he's one year older than me and never had a weight problem) I
told 2 friends back in the states because I knew that they would support me
no matter what! I guess I am afraid to tell those who are closest to me
because I don't want them to tell me that I shouldn't or to give negative
comments. (These are the same ones who harp on losing weight all the time)
When we call each other, or when we write, it never fails... How's your
weight? Still exercising, are you cutting back? You all know how it
goes! Since I'm not working right now, it doesn't matter that way, however
since my hubby is military, he has to inform his people. He is being very
general with the people in the office who he feels are just being nosy (he
has my appts written on desk calendar) He told one person that I am
checking on my health and that his mom had a hysterectomy and that I want
to make sure I won't have to. He said he may even tell people that (I
could care less) Hysterectomies have the same post op time I think. I
know they have the same scar since I saw my m-in-law's. I don't think he
should be spreading his mom's business like that, but he couldn't think of
anything fast enough! I told him to just say that I didn't want him
discussing my health with people at the office and that should be enough.
However, he feels he owes his boss and people who will cover for him when
he takes leave, an explanation. I figure once I lose the weight it
shouldn't be a problem. I did tell my 6 yr old but not my 4 year old. My
son said, Mommy I don't want you to have surgery. I asked why, and he
said...You're beautiful the way you are. You're my mommy. Granted I don't
think he understands fully the depth of the situation. However I did
explain that I'm doing it to be healthy and he said he wanted me to be
healthy!!!! It was on his mind for about a day. Sometimes, if I am going
to a doctor's appt, he'll ask about it. But usually my kids are not that
involved since they are in school or hourly care when I go to my appts. I
guess when the time is nearer, I may do more explaining. My son was with
us in the hospital when my daughter was born and he didn't question it...
he just wanted to hold his baby!!! I guess it comes down to being a matter
of opinion. When it gets to that time, who knows how we will respond...
— Jennifer Lynn J.
April 3, 2001
Hi -- I completely agree with you. Once you tell someone, you can never
'un-tell' them, and you have to live with their comments, advice, etc for
the rest of your life. Plus, no matter how much they promise not to gossip,
many people just can't keep a secret; they often feel justified in telling
others in order to 'help' them. I have told just a very, very few people,
and certainly not my mother or any other relative. Some people will SAY
that they support you and that you can trust them, but FAR too often they
just ignore your wishes and do whatever they want to. Here's the proof: you
asked FOUR times in your question for people not to answer you negatively
or try to change your mind, and what does 'kathleen mccalister' do (below)?
she goes right ahead and tells you why you're wrong!!! See what I mean? you
can't even trust people HERE to give you what you need, so how can we trust
people out there?? Anwyay, i'm with you, and I hope it all works out for
you!
— Veronica D.
April 3, 2001
We , as human beings, are entitled to a certain amount of dignity and
privacy. I respect your decision to tell only those you feel are absolutely
necessary to tell. I am pre-op, and I have told very few people. I have
only told my Dad
and my 2 best friends. I told my immediate supervisor at work that I had
intestinal problems that needed to be surgically rectified.Since my absence
from work due to surgery will be greatly noticed, I decided to not tell any
of my co-workers besides my boss. No, I do not feel proud that I was not
completely honest with him, however , I do not feel like being the topic of
daily gossip amongst my
malicious, gossip-monger co-workers.You are entitled to your
dignity and privacy without being exposed to 20 questions
from every person you work with, some family, neighbors...
There are those out there who can be exceedingly cruel and judgemental ,
and if they were aware of your circumstances,
would pass judgement and criticize.
If after your surgery you decide to tell people, that is your choice. The
bottom line is this: YOU ARE ENTITLED TO
YOUR PRIVACY AND DIGNITY WITHOUT ANYONE'S CRITICISM. Best of luck to you on
your journey.
— [Anonymous]
April 3, 2001
Well I guess my feelings differ a little bit on this subject. We are all
different and have different opinions and attitudes, and I certainly
respect yours. I don't have one negative thing to say at all about your
decision not to tell.... Here are my thoughts on the situation:
I tell anyone who will listen. I don't know why I do, I just do. I have a
BMI of 68 and no comorbidities that I know of, although I'm sure at 30, if
I don't have surgery they will creep up very soon. I have always been
confident with myself and have never given much thought to what people
think of me. Even when I look in the mirror I don't even see at fat
person!! Can you imagine? LOL My reasoning for having surgery is to be
healthy and more active with my family, and to feel good physically. I
honestly think I have the mental part under control! My daughter is in 1st
grade and I have explained to her that I will be having surgery. Heaven
forbid something would happen to me, but if it did I couldn't imagine her
hearing this from other people and thinking that I had this surgery for
vain reasons. Don't get me wrong, I'm as vain as the next person and being
thin will be great, but if I could do the physical things now that I will
be able to do thin I might even rethink the whole thing! I am like everyone
else dreaming about my size 10 jeans, but if I could go down a slide with
my daughter with a BMI of 68, I would gladly forfiet the risks of surgery
all together, along with my size 10 jeans! Anyway, those are just my
thoughts. The most important thing is just be happy with yourself no matter
what. As long as you are beatiful on the inside who cares what everyone
else thinks? I'm sure I will continue to talk to anyone who will listen
about my upcoming wls. I'm sure I'm driving everyone crazy by now! I hope
everything goes well for you. I hope this post doesn't cause anyone
negativity at all, I just felt I needed to reply with my humble opinion!!!
Thanks!
— Kim B.
April 4, 2001
My mother was the one to tell me about surgery about 6 months ago. I called
her and told her I was looking into it and she got all upset, she told me
she did not want to know. I asked her if that meant even when I have it she
wouldn't want to know I'd even been in the hospital and she said no!! My
parents and family live in Scotland and I am in the U.S. so I have not seen
them since I left 10 yrs ago. I am not hiding surgery I am just not telling
them because firstly I don't want to deal with the negative attitude and
have to explain my reasons and secondly I don't want them to worry. I share
my feelings with others on support groups online and feel that's the way
for me, with others who are experiencing the same thing.
— Mandy M.
April 4, 2001
I am not telling anyone except my husband and mother. Everyone at work
thinks I'm just a having some abdominal surgery. To me, it is a private
matter. I am so ashamed of my obesity that the last thing I want to do is
call attention to it by letting people know I'm having surgery. I also
don't want to hear negative remarks. I know the risks and I'm willing to
accept them. But I am very excited and it's all I can do to not discuss
this with anyone.
— Margaret B.
April 7, 2001
I am ONLY telling those who live with me (hubby and my 3 teenage
daughters). And if I lived alone or just with my husband I do not believe I
would tell my children. And I am only telling them because I think they
will miss me if I just leave (or not except just not tell them why I am at
the hospital) Please be strong in YOUR CHOICE. And KNOW I back you in this
is is YOUR LIFE!!!
— Pat H.
Click Here to Return