Question:
I'm going out to lunch with a guy and need advice!
I need advice about this. To make a long story short, I'm meeting a guy whom I've been talking with online and over the phone for about two months now, in person next weekend. We've exchanged pictures, so he knows I'm over weight (I'm almost 4.5 months post-op and minus 99 lb., but still want to lose about 60 more.), and so I think he assumes I have a hearty appetite (which I don't!!). Obviously I've never told him about the surgery. I was waiting to see how things went before I decided to share that part of my life with him. My question is, when we go out to lunch and he's chowing down on something, what am I supposed to eat and how am I supposed to explain why I'm eating only 1/2 cup of food? My sister said to tell him I ate a big breakfast (lol!) and a friend said to tell him I'm nervous and can't eat much, which shouldn't look bad because many women pick at their food anyway to make it look like they don't have hearty appetites. (I almost died laughing when she came up with that one! lol) Anyway, I don't want to lie, because that's not getting things off to a good start. But at the same time, I don't want to blurt out that I've had gastric bypass surgery either, and freak this guy out. The only thing I can think of is to order soup (I can eat a fair amount of soup because it's liquid, I guess.), but what if they don't have soup?? AAAAHHH Someone please help! I don't really have a problem telling him about my surgery, but I need a good, tactful way of telling him without freaking him out or scaring him off. Thanks you guys!! — [Anonymous] (posted on February 11, 2002)
February 10, 2002
I think your last idea was best. Maybe order soup and salad or soup and 1/2
sandwich. Then you could eat the soup and talk and maybe have a few bites
of sandwich. That way you don't have to lie and you can buy some time
before you decide whether or not you even need to tell this guy about this
private part of your life. Have a great time ;)
— Cinna G.
February 10, 2002
I had a similar problem when a potential employer wanted to take me to
lunch. Obviously, I didn't want to blurt out that I had had gastric bypass
surgery in an interview. Fortunately, soup was an option, and I ordered
that and picked at my meal as we talked. At the end of the meal, the lady
said, "Wow, you didn't eat much." "Sorry," I said.
"I have a hard time eating and talking at the same time! Besides, I
had a heavy breakfast, and it's sitting on the bottom of my stomach like a
lead pipe!" That was fine, actually, and when I got the job, my boss
was "prepared" for me to be a light eater and heavy talker. I
still have not disclosed my "secret," and my boss just thinks I'm
a super-light eater and compliments me on sticking to my diet. LOL
— [Anonymous]
February 10, 2002
Just tell him..."I am watching what I eat". That isn't lying. I
too am in the same situation. I have been chatting with a guy on the net,
for 3 mths. No plans to meet yet. Thank goodness, I'd like to lose more
weight first. And when and if the time is ever right, then I'll let him
know.
Good luck...and have fun!
— [Anonymous]
February 10, 2002
Hey I too met a guy on line 4 months post op. After talking to him and
realizing that he was really sweet and kind I went ahead and told him about
the surgery before meeting him in person. Of course he had a bunch of
questions but I felt better telling him then starting off are
'relationship' on a lie. I am glad that I told him because on days that we
spend the whole day together he knows that every 4 hours or so I am going
to need to eat. He is very understanding to my new eating Habits. If the
guy is is really into you he won't be freaked out. Just be prepared to
answer a lot of questions.
— jenna F.
February 10, 2002
I don't think you need to worry about there not being soup on the menu.
I've never seen a regular sit-down restaurant that didn't offer
soup.<P>
I have to stick with soup and salad whenever I go out to dinner, too.
— artistmama
February 11, 2002
WHAT EVER YOU DO DON'T LIE. SINCE HE HAS ALREADY SEEN SOME PICS OF
YOU....HE ALREADY HAS AN IDEA WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. ALTHOUGH YOU MAY NOT
WANT TO GO INTO HEAVY DETAIL ABOUT YOUR SURGERY, YOU CAN TELL HIM THAT IT
IS A MEDICAL CONDITION, THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH AT THIS TIME. IN FACT
SINCE HE IS STILL INTERESTED IN A FACE TO FACE WITH YOU, IT IS ALMOST SAFE
TO ASSUME THAT LOOKS ARE NOT AN ISSUE. I PERSONALLY DON'T SEE THE NEED TO
LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS GREAT AS WLS. YOU WOULD THINK THAT HE WOULD
APPRECIATE YOU EVEN MORE FOR TAKING SUCH A BIG STEP, AND TAKING BACK
CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. GOOD LUCK.
— donna R.
February 11, 2002
i say you go with jennas answer- that was a great one and she was in the
same boat as you- she met him on line and told him- good luck on whatever
you decide-julie
— Julie G.
February 11, 2002
Just tell the truth! Meeting somone new and starting a new
relationship has enough pressures. lies....even white ones...only
add to the pressure. Wls isn't something to ashamed of...quite the
contrary...it takes guts and strength to take the step we've all taken.
— margaret N.
February 11, 2002
From a guy's perspective, the people telling you to not lie are right on.
I met my wife online, and believe me, if I found out she had lied to me
before we met (especially about something as significant a part of her life
as WLS), our story wouldn't have the fairy tale ending that it does. She
had an open RNY 9 weeks ago tomorrow, and I am up to bat next Monday.
We're together because we care about each other, and EVERYTHING is
important. If he doesn't see your WLS as the brave step forward to give
yourself a better life that it is, you're better off without him. Feel
free to email me and I'll be happen to continue this discussion. Good luck
with whatever you decide. [email protected] or
[email protected]
— Johnathan H.
February 11, 2002
Just to let you know and boost you up, I met my husband of 4 years online
also. I think that he made this date with you looking as you do now, so
obviously he likes what he sees. All he can think is 'boy, she's gonna
look even better than she does right now and I already like what I
see". I just don't think that it's a bad thing for him to know
although, if he doesn't ask why you are not eating, I see no reason for you
to bring up the surgery. Eventually, the subject will come up. Good luck
and hope you find the love of your life like I did.
— Barbara H.
February 23, 2003
I met my current boyfriend online too. We met before I had the surgery. He
thought I looked fine but was concerned for my health. I have since lost 54
lbs and he is very proud of me. When we go out to eat, I order soup (if it
is not too spicy), mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and sometimes baked
chicken. We are at a point in our relationship where I sometimes just eat
off of his plate. You can adjust. Go for it.
— Rebecca H.
February 23, 2003
I'd order salad with meat. You can eat an amazing amount of salad as it
turns to water. Get a chicken caesar or something with plenty of lettuce.
There's no need to share your WLS with him this soon!!
— JoAnn B.
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