Question:
Since Having had WLS, has anyone lost the desire to have Sex ?
Personal Question, But figured we're all in this together "WLS speaking" Hi there I'm 14 months post op open RYN, have lost about 130 pounds and with that have also lost my sexual desire..... go figure, I used to enjoy it pre-op, but now being post op I just don't have the desire for it at all . My poor husband is dying here.......putting up with me and my lack of.......... I think it might be the lack of spontinatiey, having to use condoms. as we really have no desire to have children at any time, how-ever we have to be extra carefull. My main questions are: Post ops do you have the same issues with sex ? and also what birth-control methods can I use besides the pill and condoms, as the pills make me feel pregnate... as I vomit and feel nauses,when I take them. The condoms, well zilch spontinatey.... There's really got to be something out there that can help me out...... I was even thinking of getting my tubes tied or the husband fixed......... something . Also could there be any medication that I could take to enhance my desire ? — tannedtigress (posted on July 28, 2003)
July 28, 2003
Hi Dawn, may I suggest the Depo Provera shot. Its an injection you get
every 13 weeks and if you're lucky like me...NO PERIODS either! woo hoo!
No worrying about condoms or taking the pill every day.... Plus, ya'll can
as spontaneaous a rabbits with the shot! (wink) Best of luck to you and
your hubby!
— blueyez2668
July 28, 2003
Prozac caused that for jen:( Its a common side affect:( What also helped
was our psychs advice. He told me to loose interest! As soon as I did that
jen got interested:) <P> I asked him at the next support group
meeting how he knew that? Said I have been doing this for 30 years. It
usually works. I guess theres something to be said for experience.
— bob-haller
July 28, 2003
Yes, I'm over two yrs out and am just starting to get some sexual desire
back. The Dr. told me that not only are our homones raging as we loose
weight so fast but that we get so much praise and attention from our weight
loss that our emotional needs get satisfied that way and those are the same
needs that stimulate sexual desire. Beleive me this is not stated medically
but it's the gist of what he told me. Remember it's not broken, it just
needs a little more stimulation than before. I used to be the instigator so
it's really been difficult for my other half to get used to. He has been a
dear though and very patient with me. Good Luck! The depro shot might be
something to try.
— Janice B.
July 28, 2003
I have absolutely NO desire at all. I am 2 1/2 years post op. Pre-op, when
I would initiate sex and he would turn me down, I would internalize the
rejection and feel for sure that it was because I was fat and he was not
attracted to me. I think some of my lack of desire is caused from the
lingering resentment over his rejection (even if it was imagined on my
part). However, I also manage 4 busy children and a too-active household.
Actually, the thought of meeting someone ELSE'S needs makes me exhausted!!
That's what I do all day and quite frankly, I don't want to be touched! I
have found that if I am "approached" in the morning, I am more
interested. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Shelley
— Shelley.
July 28, 2003
I'm about 3.5 weeks out and have really noticed a difference in my libido.
I used to be rarin' to go all the time and now it can even seem like a
chore sometimes. Frustrating. Anyway... I'd recommend an IUD. It's
*very* effective and is one of the only non-hormonal birth control methods.
Your Ob-Gyn inserts it manually and then you never have to worry about it
again (until you're ready to have kids, at which point they just remove
it). Depo-Provera, the Pill, the patch, etc. are all hormonal birth
control solutions, which is why it affects your moods, makes you feel
"pregnant," etc. - so you're gonna have the same issues with them
that you have with the pill.
— Tiffany J.
July 28, 2003
Let me suggest the diaphram for birth control. You put it in every night
even if you aren't going to have sex that way its there and doesn't spoil
spontinatey. It got a bad wrap for not being effective, but it won't work
if its not used! And there is medication to enhance the womans desire. I
saw it advertised in the "O" magazine, its called AVLIMIL. I
think its hormone free as its called "safe, effective HRT
alternative". Dr. Fobi also lists loss of sexual desire as a problem
post op so maybe a little medication help would be nice.
— sissie S.
July 28, 2003
1 year out now and can count the number of times I've had sex with hubby on
one hand in that year. He's fixed, so that's not the problem...I'm just
usually not in the mood. Doc says it's hormonal and since they are
fluctuating all the time medicating me for them would be a major chore for
him and I - trying to keep the dosage correct for any given time period.
I'm assured it will pass once my weight-loss slows or stops. Lord, I hope
so!
— [Deactivated Member]
July 28, 2003
The only problem with a diaphram if one is not at goal weight (or hasn't
stopped losing yet) --- it MUST be changed every 10 lbs or so! It will not
fit right otherwise..... And, the IUD is effective, but they usually last
3-5 years (I'm not sure about the copper one - it may be longer?). There
are different kinds. So, they are long term but not necessarily for life
or until you want to have children.
— Teresa N.
July 28, 2003
I am now 5 weeks post-op and have NO sexual desire whatsoever. It is
frustrating me tremendously because I know it frustrates my partner. Poor
thing--he doesn't know what to do. As far s birth control-I've found the
next best thing to sliced bread--it's called the NUVA-RING. It is a small
clear plastic ring that you insert vaginally (you, not the doctor) and you
leave it in place for three weeks. After three weeks, take it out and
leave it out for a week while you have your period, then put in a new one.
It's great, you don't have to think about it. The man can feel it, a
little bit, but it is not a big deal and overtime they cannot even feel
anymore. But, it's time-release hormones that are realeased directly at
the cervix, rather than being taken orally. Because they are released
directly at the cervix there is no absorption issue. It's easy, you don't
have to think about it and statistically speaking, if used correctly, it is
MORE EFFECTIVE than the pill (even if the pill is used perfectly). The
failure rate for the pill is like 3-5% or something. The failure rate for
this is 1% according to my doctor and according to the paperwork that comes
in the package.
— dlpnjlp
July 28, 2003
Me, too! I have zilch, zero, nada sex drive. I don't know why because in
every other area of my life, I have so much energy. Like you, my husband
and I do not plan on having children so I'm having my tubal at the end of
August. Right now, I have the Mirena IUD in place, which has been
excellent. Mirena is the IUD that is left in for up to 5 years and has a
very low level of progesterone that is released into the uterus (again, a
VERY low dose-- lower than a progesterone-only BC pill). I have not had any
cramping or bad periods with this IUD, although the insertion did make me
cramp for a few minutes (Ibuprofen took care of that, I'm sure Tylenol
would be OK too). I would encourage you to look into the Mirena IUD if you
are unsure about wanting children. If you are sure that you do not want to
have children (and there's nothing wrong with choosing to be childfree)
then look into a tubal or have your husband look into a vasectomy.
Vasectomies are cheaper (in case your insurance doesn't cover stuff like
this)and less invasive than a tubal, which involves general anesthetic. And
congrats on your awesome weight-loss! Feel free to email me.
— lizinPA
July 28, 2003
I am preop and take Zoloft and much to my husbands dismay once a year would
be fine with me. I wasn't like that before taking Zoloft.
— doodlebug
July 28, 2003
Diaphragms and spermicides have a high failure rate, so I strongly suggest
avoiding them if you truly want to avoid pregnancy.
The statistics from MayoClinic.com show that only 1 in 100 women who use
the IUD for a year will get pregnant. The Mirena IUD (good for 5 years) is
considered the most effective reversible birth control method of all.
5 in 100 women will get pregnant using the Ortho Evra patch for a year.
18 in 100 women will get pregnant using a diaphragm for a year.
26 in 100 women will get pregnant after using spermicide for a year. 1 in 4
women getting pregnant after just a year are not very good odds if you ask
me!
Sterilization is a very good option if you feel confident that you don't
want kids. Vasectomy is safer and more effective than old-fashioned tubal
ligation. However, there is now a new, easier, more effective form of
female sterilization called Essure. Their website is at
http://www.essure.com if you want to learn more. For that matter, you might
want to read up on vasectomy at http://www.vasectomy-information.com They
have a section about childfree men on that site.
On a personal note, my mother didn't intend to have kids either...until she
got pregnant with my older brother, while using the diaphragm. :)
So, while I am glad that my brother and I were born, I don't have much
faith in barrier methods of birth control. :)
— K M.
July 28, 2003
In the beginning, your sex drive can decrease as a result of the hormones
being dumped into your body because of the weight loss. I've been the same
weight for ages now though, and still had the problem. My doc started me
on a low dose of testosterone cream and it helped alot. Don't do this
until you're done losing though, or you could really mess things up.
— mom2jtx3
July 29, 2003
I haven't had wls yet but, before I had a tubuligation I was on the
depoprovera shot. Once every 3 months and it takes effect almost
immediatley and the best part was I had no monthly period the entire time
so I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant or being on my period. It
was awesome. Sherri
— Sherri M.
July 29, 2003
Hi will be 2 yrs post op in a couple of weeks and too have no desire for
the DO!! My poor DH just can't understand and I am constantly telling him
that it is not him. He is a very good looking man but, I just have no
desire :( I have been told it is contributed to the great weight loss.
Apparently there is something that is stored in our fat cells and as we
lose our fat, we also lose the desire. I inquired about hormone supplements
and they suggested birth control pills to stabilize me. Well, that didn't
work so, I contributed it to NOT wanting to get pregnant. I am 15 days post
op from a tubal and we have been initmate once since and it was a bit more
relaxing and enjoyable. I think it could also be (for me) that from being 4
months post op till being 17 months post op, my hubby was in Honduras
(army) for a year and I was just plain used to not being intimate. So, when
he came home and after caring for 4 children, taking care of house, bills
etc., that, that was just something extra that I didn't and wasn't used to
having to do toooooo!! Well, I need to get on the ball here in the intimacy
dept because my DH is leaving in 3 weeks for IRAQ for 6-12 months and poor
thing will be at a loss again. Well, I am sorry so long, just couldn't stop
talking LOL. I wish you the best and if, you do find a cure LET ME KNOW,
TOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! :)
— ncgal
July 29, 2003
I know this may sound silly, but I've found the best way to increase my
desire is to just do it anyway. Eventually my body says "hey, it's
time to go there again!" hehehe Also, I had the Copper-T IUD put in
just before surgery. It was mentioned earlier. This one has no hormones
and lasts for 10, yes TEN years. http://www.paragardiud.com/ It is 99%
effective (really, short of abstinence, it doesn't get much better than
that!). A little pain when it was inserted, but as mentioned before,
Tylenol worked. I haven't had any weird side-effects or anything, and it
definitely makes it possible to be spontaneous and crazy. The man really
likes that part. *snicker*
— ladyphy
July 29, 2003
Christi- me too. I have found I don't ever wanna, but once I'm done, I'm
glad I did. I guess practice makes perfect.
— Karen R.
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