Question:
Do I have Courage?
After reading about alot of the complications and problems people have had with surgery, I wonder if I have the strength and courage to go through with it. I especially am having a hard time deciding after I told my mom about it and her comment was, "What if you leave your son without a mother and your husband without a wife?" She knows my weak spot! I could only come up with : It's highly unlikely (but possible) that would happen, If it does it's in God's plans for me, and I also told her not to do that to me(play on my weaknesses). I've been researching this for about a year now and I think I'll have to take her to a seminar so she can ask any questions and I don't have to feel I'm under interogation(sp?). She had the nerve to say can't you just watch your calories and exercise? This from someone who should practise what she preaches! I've tried telling her this is not about willpower. I've tried just about everything and I feel like this is my last chance/hope for a shot a what I consider a normal life..swimming with the family, ammusement pa — kathleen-Joan piper (posted on October 17, 2002)
October 17, 2002
I have four children. I felt the same way you do before my surgery.
Please read my profile it should make you feel better.
— Linda A.
October 17, 2002
Here is a study just released on long term post ops and life expentancy.
It should make you feel better. Just copy and paste the URL
http://www.facs.org/2002clincon/press/prpope.html
— Linda A.
October 17, 2002
Kathleen, I went through the very same thing with not only my mom but with
my entire "morbidly obese" family. They all discouraged me and
played on whatever they could. I was determined though and I told them all
that they didn't have to like it, I was doing it for "ME" and I
stood my ground.
My DH was supportive and he was my rock through it all.
My family still have their "opinions" and I am now 11 months post
op at 120 lbs, I've lost 135 lbs and I feel GREAT!!!! I am so glad that I
didn't let anyone change my mind. I do not hurt anymore and I feel so much
better. I am working 2 part-time jobs as well as doing daycare full time
during the week and I'm loving every minute of it. I went to an amusement
park this year and I fit into every ride, I wore a tankini swimsuit this
summer, I wore flip flops (I LOVE THEM), and so many other things I
couldn't do before. Please do this for yourself, and let no one else
persway you one way or the other. It is YOU that has to live with your
decision and it is you who should make the decision, and I promise your mom
will come around eventually (she may not like it but she'll come
around..LOL) Good luck!
— Lynda T.
October 17, 2002
You have a BMI of 54. Tell your mother you are having this surgery so that
you will be around to share your old age with your husband and to watch
your son grow up. Case closed.
— Cindy R.
October 17, 2002
My daughter had this surgery last Nov 19 and has done so well. She is my
inspiration. I am now 9 days out (LAP-RNY Oct 8th) and was at the surgeon's
today. Lost 13 lbs and am delighted.
HAVE THE SURGERY!! You will not have time to look back. Mama will be happy
for you, believe me. I am talking first as a parent who was so apprehensive
and now as a person who has lived thru it as well.
Good luck to you.
— Steve B.
October 17, 2002
I think it would be VERY beneficial to take your mother to a seminar or
forum. It woudl help her better understand what you are going through and
all this entails. You have to really weigh the pros and cons. I thought to
myself that I am 22 years ols, already having helth problems because I had
been overweight all my life... did I really want to live like this only for
things to get worse? I ould not have children because of my weight, and I
was having joint problems and such. I knew that, for example, there were
90,000 people on this site alone. I counted the number of people on the
memorial page at the time.. 52! 52 out of 90,000. I would say that was a
ratio I was willing to take a chance on. I knew that if I kept on living
the life of an obese woman, I would significantly shorten my life and also
make my life harder and more miserable. I would have rather at least tried
to make it better. I am only almost 8 weeks out ad I am feeling wonderful.
I am so glad I did it. I gave myself that extra shot at "life"
that I never would have had before. So the next time you mother brings up
the thought of possibly leaving you child and husband, you tell her that
you would rather try to do something to be a better mother and wife. Lord
knows that htings are already getting better between my husband and I and I
know it is all downhill from here! You DO have the courage to do this. You
just need to decide that in your mind. It is good to know of the risks
involved, but don't dwell on them. Think about the new person you will
become and think about all the good things that will become from having
surgery!
— sammygirlwpc
October 17, 2002
My mother had alot of the same concerns. I told her if I didn't do
something that I would die in a couple of years. After have first reaction
she started to learn about it, and even though she was concerned she
supported my decision. She is very proud of my success and tell more
people about my surgery than I do. She even has recommended my doctor to a
few people. Keep the strength and know you are doing this for your family
as much as you are doing it for yourself.
— Christina L.
October 17, 2002
There are safer surgeries than the RNY. Sometimes we need to listen to our
fear. I was scared to get the RNY. I listened to the fear.
I found out about the lap band and haven't looked back since. It is a much
safer surgery. 8 deaths out of 90,000 patients. That's less than 0.009%
compared to a 1/200 death rate for other weight loss surgeries (0.5%) You
are 555 times more likely to die from other weight loss surgeries than the
band.
And the band is effective. Many people are at their goal. We have people
who have lost 200, 300 pounds.
Here is a site with lots of great info on the band:
http://www.ozband.com/faq_lapband.html
http://blkbox.com/~phil/millieslapband/
— M. B.
October 17, 2002
No question about it lap band is safer than rny bipass. However, most
morbidly obese patients do not respond well to this surgery and need
something more restrictive. As far as statics goes, I am rarely fond of
these published numbers. You have to keep in mind, that the healthier, and
less morbidly obese opt for lap band and therefor they have a greater
survival rate. I would have loved to have the easier la[ band, but I know
in my heart, I would have only temporarily lost weight. That is why,
research, research, research.
— faybay
October 17, 2002
Kathleen
It's normal for your family to have that reaction. I agree take her to
the meetings. This surgery is entirely up to you, I also had the answer
that if god wanted me he will take me. But that wasnt the case an here I am
Open RNY 135lb weight loss 1 yr ago October 11, 2002
— Wendy G.
October 17, 2002
Take your unsupportivew relative / friend to dinner with a kong term post
op. See their before photos and hear their stories. This will fix the
problem.
— bob-haller
October 18, 2002
What if you're crossing the street and get hit by a car?
What if you eat a bad portion of food and get e coli or salmonella?
What if you get pregnant and die in childbirth?
What if there's biological warfare and you breathe in anthrax?
What if a sniper shoots you?
What if your house burns down?
What if you are caught in an earthquake, or hurricane, or a disastrous
flood?
What if you listen to your mother, don't have the surgery, and die at a
young age because of all the health related problems you'll have from not
taking the risk?
Life is full of what-ifs. Don't let your Mom change your mind by playing
the guilt card. Courage, Camille.
What if you have the surgery and a year later you're looking svelte and
feeling great and your Mom says, "Didn't I tell you to do it?"
— Arlene S.
October 18, 2002
Fay,
Why do you say that with the band you would have only lost the weight
temporarily? The band is adjustable forever. There is no window of
opportunity. There is no weight gain with proper adjustment. The body
doesn't ever get used to the band and adapt as with the other surgeries.
You are actually more likely to regain the weight with other surgeries.
— M. B.
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