Concerned spouse question

My wife had RNY Gastric Bypass around 6 months ago and has lost about 100 pounds. She says this is great and I am very proud of her. I have tried my best to be as supportive as I can. The problem is that she doesn't exercise. Everytime I bring up the subject, she says she will do it later. I say she could be farther than she is, she responds, "100 lbs. in 6 months is great, most people don't lose that much even when they do exercise." I say that I will go with her and be her coach/buddy, but she insist she doesn't feel good and will work out when she feels better. I am very proud of what she has done, but also I am very concerned for her future health. I am at my wits end; is there anything else I can do to help/motivate her to exercise? Please, some/any advice would help.

Hey J ... there is only so much YOU can get HER to do (if anything). If she doesn't have the drive or desire, you can't give it to her. I lost 120 pounds from June 2003 through September 2004 (15 months), then from September 2004 through July 2005 (10 months) I gained 20 pounds. Guess I was naive and didn't think you COULD gain weight after surgery ... or at least not that much that FAST. Freaked me out. Big time. Because if surgery doesn't work, what else is there?? They sure aren't kidding when they say you have a "honeymoon period" of 12-18 months! Then baby, its work. Hard work. Go to the WLS Grads forum on these boards, and take a look at the people 2-1/2+ years out ... struggling with weight gain and trying to "get back to the basics". Well, a week after I found out I had gained the 20 pounds I was hospitalized for a dog bite, and since then I've lost 80 pounds (total of 180 ... with more to go ... and I'm 3 years out!) I have found ... the people who are successful at this, and what I term "successful" is someone who gets to goal, and stays there long term. Unfortunately, I don't know of many who even get to goal, let alone stay there long term. The good thing I do see, however, is those who do start to put on weight (20, 30, or more pounds) try to snip it in the bud and get back to basics, but I have also seen people put back all their weight. Does she have more to lose? Personally, I HATE exercise, but I enjoy playing softball and other activities that don't SEEM like exercise. I applaud your concern and support ... I wish more spouses would get more involved like this. Where do you guys live? Maybe it might be easier if she could team up with someone who has been through surgery? Maybe its a lot of pressure for her to have you as her coach (no offense)? Does she go to support group meetings? Hopefully she'll realize that there will come a point when she can eat more, and that the habits she gets into now will make it that much easier when she can eat more, and hopefully avoid any setbacks later. I wish you (and her) well. Karyn

I also am not an exercise person but I love to walk. So here's my idea. Every evening, rain or shine or snow - the 2 of you take a walk. Just tell her you want to walk with her not as a coach or buddy but just for compaionship. You can talk , laugh, tell stories and just have some special bonding time. Walk a little 5 - 10 minutes and work your way up 5 minutes more every week. Before you know it the time will fly by and she won't even realize that she's exercising. I wish I had someone to do that with and she should appriciate it now while she has that company to appriciate. Good luck, Debbie

How about doing things together? A nice brisk walk or a bike ride. How about taking her dancing? That's great excersise.

My only thought would be..."don't push her". She will come to a place where exercise becomes HER idea and she'll start it up. I'd think, (without knowing either of you) that she'll be far more successful if you remain the helpful, supportive, loving man she knows and not become her reason to NOT exercise. I know for ME, when my wife pushes or nags just "that" much more than I'm ready to hear....I can become VERY stubborn...or so I've heard...