Question for everyone

I will warn you this could be long. Basically I am wondering if anyone else feels the same way that I do. I yearn so badly to just belong to be accepted. I have felt for years that I was always the lone man out. One because I am heavy and 2 because I usually have different interests than most other women. Don't get me wrong I like some womanly things but I am not the "girly girl". I work with alot of those women and it totally does not interest me. But on the other hand when they all go out for lunch and don't even say a word to me, well it kinda hurts. In my quest of being thin I just so what to belong somewhere. As it is right now I really don't have any friends. Well 2 but one is moving to Florida and the other I have not seen in over a year. Thankfully I have a wonderful boyfriend of almost 3 years. He can somewhat relate because he doesn't really have alot of friends and can sometimes by shy. I have tried different things. For example I have 2 English Bulldogs and a Boxer. I have joined meetup groups where I can take my dogs and they can socialize. However the people that I have met have not been very receptive. Now I will say that sometimes I can come off as the "b*tch". I guess that is my protection mechanism. So I can see why people may not find me as inviting. I am hoping that this will change once I lose my body armor LOL. It seems like since I started the 6 month diet all of these feelings have intensified. I am now currently waiting for approval from my insurance. I hope someone can hopefully guide me or at least tell me that they feel the same way. Sorry if this is so long but I had to get it out. Thanks all! Kelly

I have been there believe me!!! I have a couple close friends basically the same since grade school and I have the best husband who also is a hermit like me. For me the weight was my armor I walk around hoping nobody notices me. I know when I start to feel good about me I will be able to feel good around others. I have to learn to love myself first!! anyway just know there are a lot of nice people here and on some of the other boards as well!! welcome aboard!!!

I agree there are alot of people here like you. I would say most of us geel alot like you with our weight. I think we notice how people act towards us more. I hate going out because of me weight. I feel like I havent anything to wear that fits right. It all makes me look fat ect. Your not alone.. Like you said hopefully with our ARMOR off lol we will all begin to feel better. hopefully it will be soon for us also. (hugs)

Thank you Sandra. It just kinda stinks that our wonderful world is like this. It is a terrible thing when we cannot just be accepted for what we are. It blows my mind when it's those people who descriminate are the first ones to criticize when we resort to surgery. I would just like to say to them "Thanks because of you I'm doing this". Now of course that is the only reason. But for most of us it is part of it. Well gotta go. Thanks! Kelly

"Thanks because of you I'm doing this" This phrase you said really does ring true. because if people were accepted no matter what we wouldnt have the emotional and mental side of this. For me anyways. So being treated like a failure or not worth it makes us feel this way. and no one can say unless they have been in our shoes. it makes me so mad when people like my mother are so unsupportive and say I understand but just STOP eating well if it were that simple I think id much rather do that then this painful surgery. it's like we have no feelings or something.

Be careful. Don't do it "because of you...", but because YOU want to do it. It has to be a personal goal to work towards, achieve and maintain. The biggest part of me being successful was having a wonderful support system through my wife. There were many times I doubted what I did and would it be worthwhile. She kept me positive and now I can't believe the life I use to live. I was very outgoing, but now I see I was hiding behind my weight and I only wish I made the decision earlier in my life. But, I can't go back, only ahead. So, set your personal goals and work towards them.

I think that I may have typed it wrong. But I meant to say of course there are other better reasons to do other than "because of you". I'm sorry it you misunderstood me. I have done nothing in my like but work on my personal goals. I just don't want people to get the wrong idea about me.

Sorry, I misunderstood you, I think you're on the right track. Just don't get the 'attitudes' of people that won't accept you get you down. Keep working on your goals and you'll succeed!!!

Hey Kelly, I think a lot of us who are overweight use that as a shell ... a reason to reject others before they have the change to reject us. At least that was me. I never felt like I "fit in", and people didn't think much of me. I still think I'm quite a "forgettable" person. I was always so concerned about people not liking me, that I've compromised myself to go out of my way to "fit in". This isn't something I talk about much, but its a lesson where I learned I was wrong. Since the age of 10, my parents had sent me to Weigh****chers, a psychologist who used hypnotism to try to get me to lose weight (reeeaaaall bad experience), and at age 16, they sent me to Weigh****chers camp for 7 weeks during the summer. I came back having lost 21 pounds, and my parents wanted me to keep the momentum, so they signed me up in modeling school. It was OK. I was still the fattest one there though. BUT, a good experience. I learned a lot about makeup (and it was a little dramatic, since this WAS 1979), and I was the first in my school to wear my hair in french braids. No one ever talked with me. I tried looking into space as I walked through the halls at school, trying to pretend it didn't bother me. The depression led to a suicide attempt at 17. Many years later, I found out that it wasn't that people didn't like me, someone said they were jealous of me. Of me? ME? That just goes to show you that sometimes OUR thinking or perception isn't always right. It does sometimes get me a little mad that now I get more attention, people talk TO me, not AT me ... and I'm thinking ... would you have talked to me when I was morbidly obese? What's the difference now? I'm still the same person. Well, apparently, maybe I'm not the same person. Maybe I'm not sending out those same signals I once did. Maybe I'm just finding different people who understand me better? I'm not sure. It's ok to be just you. You are the only "perfect you". No one else can be as good as being you as you. I've made a lot of good friends just on this forum, and I'm sure you'll find others who like to do things you like to as well, but to do that, you'll need to step out of your shell, and open yourself up. Some people may be receptive, some not ... but just keep going. Hang in there ... we're here for you (most of us have been there/done that), so don't give up ... especially on yourself. Hugs, Karyn

Karyn, Thank you so much for your reply. It was very to the point of what I was trying to say. It brought a tear to my eye. Frustration I guess is our enemy. I guess that I kinda feel like I haven't clicked with anyone that I have met on this site so far. Maybe I'm wrong and your right. Maybe they haven't seen the real me. I think that this a just a slow process for me. I kinda feel weird because I am not all stressed out about my approval for surgery. My feeling is either it happens or it doesn't. Well thank you again so much! Kelly