I'm Here

Lucy,

I'm sorry to hear of the issues you've been going through.  I hope that things turn around for you and if you are not already, I'd suggest talking to a professional about the issues with your mother and the feelings they bring up.  (Only my un professional suggestion)
 
I haven't really been on this board/or site in the last couple of months.  I have had a pretty rough year too.  I just came off of a  medical leave of absence from work (I'm back now) to get some aggressive treatment for my depression and anxiety.  Between that and the lap band surgery, I must say those were the best things I've done for myself ever. 

I still struggle but have better coping tools now.  I need to start going to a support group for that to help me, also I may go to Dr. Crane's post surgery (lap band) support group on Saturday.

I'm pretty pleased with my weight loss and Dr. Rantis is too, I was doing a lot of dog walking before the weather got cold and when I was off work, now I need to do at least something to get my body toned and also make me feel better.  I imagine if I had been aggressively working out I'd be losing weight faster, but I'm ok with what I've acomplished so far, given all the stressors working against me.

I hope all my old buddies here are well.

Love,
Mary

Mary

Hi Mary. It's so good to hear from you.

I've talked with Dr. Crane about my issues with my mom months ago. I guess I can't or am not ready to resolve my feelings yet.

I am happy for your weight loss success. What great news! Congratulations on your success. I hope to join you soon.

Sorry to hear about your medical LOA, but it sounds like you've got things taken care of and managed well.

Yes, this weather is something we always have to get accustomed to every winter. I do not like this time of the year. I'm definitely a sunbird and would love to live in the west for 6 months of the year. Well, maybe some day!

Thanks for your supportive message.

Hugs and Love,
Lucy

Thank you, Lucy.

I know...it isn't easy at all.....

All the best,

Mary

Lucy,
I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with your mom's hurtful words.  I would guess that there are a lot of us here that have that issue.  Wish there was a RNY for that...
My mother died 20 yrs ago and I still hear her hurtful words.

Try to put it into perspective...you are fabulous and you have done great things for yourself. No matter your age, marital status, or size.  She must have had someone who hurt her badly to spew onto you all her insecurity.  I guess it just makes some small people feel bigger to tear someone else apart. What she spews must all be lies because you have an awful lot of people *****ally care about you.  I see this on many a forum.

Look in that mirror every day and say I am fabulous...darling.

from you OH buddy,
daughter of a 5' 8 99lb soaking wet shrew.
 

Good evening. For someone who doesn't know me, you've been so gracious and thoughtful. Thank you for your message.

I have a lot of friends here on the IL board and am so thankful that you are one of them.

Why do some mothers have to verbally abuse their children? And why do they think that what they say helps us at all?

They don't realize that they are hurting us so deeply that sometimes we can never recover from their awful words, hearing them year after year.

I've been in this verbal atmosphere for all my life. No wonder I turned to food for solace.

I'm not sure how I am going to resolve these issues. Just talking about them here may be the therapy I need right now.

Thanks for listening and your support.

Lucy

Lucy,
I'm so sorry your having a very rough time.  People especially family are our worst critics and their words cut the deepest.  But like you said we are in such a better place then we were before surgery.  I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.........WELCOME BACK!!!

Big Hugs,
Angie

Hi Angie. I needed my friends here so much. Reading all the responses made me feel good.

Thank you for your support and prayers.

Big Hugs back at you too!
Lucy

((((((((Lucy))))))))

I just have to say how much I understand where you are coming from with your mom.  I don't think I ever had a conversation with my mom that she did not criticize me or make some dig about my weight.  It was always so hurtful.  I felt like no matter what I did, I never could gain acceptance in her eyes or please her.  It really hurt. 

Even when I tried to tell her how much it hurt she would not listen and would continue to berate me.  So I know how it feels. 

I am so sorry that you have to go through this as well. I don't think that there is a solution.  To tell you to ignore it wont work.  My mom has been gone a little over a year but reading your post and responding has me crying all over again.  I wish I could say it will get better, but I don't have any suggestions on how to do so.

Good luck.  Feel free to vent anytime.  We do understand and can relate/


i

Good morning Nancy. OMG, I haven't met you yet and yet, I feel like I know you.

You shared something so personal in order to help me. I can't thank you enough my dear new friend.

I don't know what it is, if it is the way mothers were back when we were growing up or what??

She always belittled me even in my schooling. She would tell me that I would never make it even when I got into nursing school. My father on the other hand was very supportive. After I graduated nursing school, who always asked for information, my Mom.  Even when I started dating (a little) she would tell me that the boys only wanted one thing from me. Sheesh, what a thing to say to your kid! There are so many hurtful things she said during the years. One really was awful. I was in a car accident and fractured 4 ribs and was hospitalized for 11 days. Once, I had to go to the doctors office for a visit. I had to do some grocery shopping and then pick up a prescription at the drug store. She took my shopping cart and sat in the car. She told me to go and get the prescription. I couldn't catch her fast enough. I didn't have any money only a check. So I had to go back into the grocery store and buy some gum and then get the cash. Well, as I was walking to the pharmacy counter, she comes in and says where were you and how come it's taking so long??? I couldn't believe it. When I got into the car I told her that I almost passed out in the store and that it was too much for me and I needed her help. She said it was good exercise for me and that's what I needed. She further said that I always say I  am going to do something and then it's good for awhile and then I'm back to the same old, same old - referencing my weight! I was furious.

So you see where I am coming from. All these years of verbal abuse. No wonder I got to 485 pounds!

Thanks so much!
Lucy