Ok I'm throwing myself a pity party!!!!
I just need to rant about my day and get things off my chest...so excuse me
So the memorial service was good. But (of course there's a but) my brother showed up "tipsy" and he was wearing dirty clothes and dirty gym shoes. And he was covered in cat hair and smelled. It was embarrassing.
My sister ignored both my brother and I the whole time. When she wasn't ignoring us she was down right rude. I also refused to cry one tear in front of her (I guess I didn't want to show any weakness).
We all had to go up and tell a happy or funny story or good memories...now this will sound sooo horrible but my dad was a different person when we were growing up he was a heroine addict and an alcoholic....but I had trouble thinking of good memories. I could only think of one funny story and one good memory...then I MADE up the rest. I had to what was I going to do go up there and say sorry there are no good memories because he was high my whole childhood. So I felt bad about that.
I was refered to as the "step child" on several occasions.
The thing that sent it over the top for me was that the "child molester's" family was there and they were talking fondly of the molester!!! So she can forgive him but she can't forgive me for what ever I did to make her mad!!! Ya cause what I did was MUCH worse than what he did to your daughter!!! UGH!!!
I also didn't give my sister a dime. I decided that I was not going to be taken advantage of. She now has plenty of money. She doesn't need my $30. I did think about giving her the money to keep the peace and I even had the money in my purse. I figured if she acted some what like a sister to me I would give it to her. but she didn't so I refused to give her the money.
Now I came home to discover a flat tire and it's not the same tire that was flat last time. I really believe someone at the memorial service did something to my tire. I know you guys think I'm crazy but I am completely serious. I wouldn't put it past her. Not to mention it is quite a coincidence that I have a second flat tire and on 3 year old car in less than 2 weeks!!!
I have the worse family ever. I wondered how I turned out so normal compared to my brother and sister. The only answer I came up with was my grandma. I had to go live with her several times during my childhood because my parents were in jail or something. When I lived with her I had a normal life. She showed me what family is supposed to be like. What a mother is supposed to be. My siblings didn't have that. So I thank you grandma from the bottom of my heart. because of her I have been able to live my life happily and raise my daughter in the way she showed me.
When it was time to go I did make an effort to be nice and say good bye to my sister and she walked away. Again I tried to be the bigger person and I got crapped on.
Next I am having issues with my best friend...I don't even think we are best friends anymore. For some reason she won't talk to me. I don't know what is going on. I don't know if I said something to upset her. Although, I can't think of anything I would have said to make her mad. What makes me mad is the we have been friends since first grade and to just cut me off like that without an explanation is horrible and mean. I have two ideas of what is wrong she has regained lots of weight and she may be in the middle of a big depression...which I would understand completely. Or and I hope this isn;t it...she is jealous of my weight loss success the last few months. I hope it's not that...I was very happy for her when she was the one having success and I was really fat. Ether way she wasn't here for me today and I'm hurt and angry. I called her a dozen times and left messages and she hasn't called. I could have used her support today. I was there when her mom died. Why wouldn't she do the same for me. What could I have done to deserve that??? This betrayal is worse than my sister because I loved and trusted my friend. I am afraid that I am hurt enough that even if things get patched up things between us will never be the same...and that's really sad. I took great pride in the fact that our friendship has with stood the test of time.
I kind of feel like everyone is ganging up on me all of the sudden. It's like "treat Crystal like crap week". I am actually questioning myself. Like am I a good person? Does this happen to good people? Maybe it's all my fault that my sister and my BFF is mad at me...I don't know. I think I'm a nice person and a good friend.
Ok so I dumped a lot of crap out on all of you and you have no idea how much I appreciate that I have you guys to talk to. I just had a really bad week and I will deal with it like I have dealt with everything else in my life...I will vent and make peace with it and get over it and move on. I took tomorrow off and I'm glad because I am having a ME day tomorrow...after I fix my tire. I am getting a manicure and buying myself something at JCPenney.
So the memorial service was good. But (of course there's a but) my brother showed up "tipsy" and he was wearing dirty clothes and dirty gym shoes. And he was covered in cat hair and smelled. It was embarrassing.
My sister ignored both my brother and I the whole time. When she wasn't ignoring us she was down right rude. I also refused to cry one tear in front of her (I guess I didn't want to show any weakness).
We all had to go up and tell a happy or funny story or good memories...now this will sound sooo horrible but my dad was a different person when we were growing up he was a heroine addict and an alcoholic....but I had trouble thinking of good memories. I could only think of one funny story and one good memory...then I MADE up the rest. I had to what was I going to do go up there and say sorry there are no good memories because he was high my whole childhood. So I felt bad about that.
I was refered to as the "step child" on several occasions.
The thing that sent it over the top for me was that the "child molester's" family was there and they were talking fondly of the molester!!! So she can forgive him but she can't forgive me for what ever I did to make her mad!!! Ya cause what I did was MUCH worse than what he did to your daughter!!! UGH!!!
I also didn't give my sister a dime. I decided that I was not going to be taken advantage of. She now has plenty of money. She doesn't need my $30. I did think about giving her the money to keep the peace and I even had the money in my purse. I figured if she acted some what like a sister to me I would give it to her. but she didn't so I refused to give her the money.
Now I came home to discover a flat tire and it's not the same tire that was flat last time. I really believe someone at the memorial service did something to my tire. I know you guys think I'm crazy but I am completely serious. I wouldn't put it past her. Not to mention it is quite a coincidence that I have a second flat tire and on 3 year old car in less than 2 weeks!!!
I have the worse family ever. I wondered how I turned out so normal compared to my brother and sister. The only answer I came up with was my grandma. I had to go live with her several times during my childhood because my parents were in jail or something. When I lived with her I had a normal life. She showed me what family is supposed to be like. What a mother is supposed to be. My siblings didn't have that. So I thank you grandma from the bottom of my heart. because of her I have been able to live my life happily and raise my daughter in the way she showed me.
When it was time to go I did make an effort to be nice and say good bye to my sister and she walked away. Again I tried to be the bigger person and I got crapped on.
Next I am having issues with my best friend...I don't even think we are best friends anymore. For some reason she won't talk to me. I don't know what is going on. I don't know if I said something to upset her. Although, I can't think of anything I would have said to make her mad. What makes me mad is the we have been friends since first grade and to just cut me off like that without an explanation is horrible and mean. I have two ideas of what is wrong she has regained lots of weight and she may be in the middle of a big depression...which I would understand completely. Or and I hope this isn;t it...she is jealous of my weight loss success the last few months. I hope it's not that...I was very happy for her when she was the one having success and I was really fat. Ether way she wasn't here for me today and I'm hurt and angry. I called her a dozen times and left messages and she hasn't called. I could have used her support today. I was there when her mom died. Why wouldn't she do the same for me. What could I have done to deserve that??? This betrayal is worse than my sister because I loved and trusted my friend. I am afraid that I am hurt enough that even if things get patched up things between us will never be the same...and that's really sad. I took great pride in the fact that our friendship has with stood the test of time.
I kind of feel like everyone is ganging up on me all of the sudden. It's like "treat Crystal like crap week". I am actually questioning myself. Like am I a good person? Does this happen to good people? Maybe it's all my fault that my sister and my BFF is mad at me...I don't know. I think I'm a nice person and a good friend.
Ok so I dumped a lot of crap out on all of you and you have no idea how much I appreciate that I have you guys to talk to. I just had a really bad week and I will deal with it like I have dealt with everything else in my life...I will vent and make peace with it and get over it and move on. I took tomorrow off and I'm glad because I am having a ME day tomorrow...after I fix my tire. I am getting a manicure and buying myself something at JCPenney.
Crystal, who else would you rant to? We are here for you, whatever your "real" life brings. You do deserve a ME day. In fact, take 2, Just remember, you are a better person then the rest of your family. You have your own special daughter who is also better then anyone else. So, push off your sister and brother, you really don't need them. Your BFF too, if she isn't there for you. Create your own family.
LISA
LISA
(((((Crystal))))
I am so sorry that you have had to go through so much crap these past few days. I cant believer the way other people treat you. You are so sweet. I know you are a loyal friend and tried hard to be a great sister. To be rebuffed by everyone must really hurt.
Stay strong. At least you have the determination to walk away from your family. They do not sound like people that you would want to associate with anyway. Sometimes that may be the best solution no matter how awful it may sound.
As for your BFF, she very well may be jealous of your weight loss. If that is the problem, remember that it is HER problem. Not yours. Anyone who is that superficial is not worth having as a friend. Friends stick with each other regardless. It also could be depression. Depression does some really weird things to you.
Be proud of all that you have accomplished. It doesnt sound like you have had a lot of help or guidance over the years. You have done it by yourself and you need to be congratulated for that!
I am very honored to know you and be around you. You are sweet, kind and caring. Just remember it is someone else's loss, not yours.
Hang in there. Be nice to yourself today. Take it easy and relax. I hope you have a better day.
Nancy
I am so sorry that you have had to go through so much crap these past few days. I cant believer the way other people treat you. You are so sweet. I know you are a loyal friend and tried hard to be a great sister. To be rebuffed by everyone must really hurt.
Stay strong. At least you have the determination to walk away from your family. They do not sound like people that you would want to associate with anyway. Sometimes that may be the best solution no matter how awful it may sound.
As for your BFF, she very well may be jealous of your weight loss. If that is the problem, remember that it is HER problem. Not yours. Anyone who is that superficial is not worth having as a friend. Friends stick with each other regardless. It also could be depression. Depression does some really weird things to you.
Be proud of all that you have accomplished. It doesnt sound like you have had a lot of help or guidance over the years. You have done it by yourself and you need to be congratulated for that!
I am very honored to know you and be around you. You are sweet, kind and caring. Just remember it is someone else's loss, not yours.
Hang in there. Be nice to yourself today. Take it easy and relax. I hope you have a better day.
Nancy
Cat Lady
Hi Crystal,
I don't personally know you, but I feel like I do from posting and reading your posts. You have certainly been through a lot, and that being said, even not "knowing" you, you seem to be a very strong person. I agree with what everyone has said, and want to tell you that you should be very proud of yourself. You have raised an amazing daughter and have a very incredible relationship with her. Wrap that relationship around you as your armour, as you shield yourself from the negative things happening right now. I have to wonder if your BF is going through a depression. If you guys have been there for each other all these years, it seems like an explanation for her not responding to what she must know is a very trying time in your life. I pray that she finds the help she needs, and I'm so sorry she wasn't there for you.
I will keep you in my prayers during this difficult time. You have shown such strength during this time. Walk away from all the negativity and keep on with your positive actions. Take care of yourself!
georgie
Ouch!!! More than a big time ouch. I do so love pity parties but seem to only be able to have them on my own as the level of emotion that brings them on is more than most people can deal with. Know that if I were there I would give you as much of a hug as you can stand and that I believe in a power that gives me hugs even when I am kicking against them. I hope you Me day goes well.
Randy
So you have been forgiven?
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