Desperately Seeking....Support
Hi everyone.
For those of you that don't know, my boyfriend of 13 months broke up with me over New Years.....and its finally hitting me. I have been so sad and depressed and hysterical for days. We had promised to stay friends (which I know sounds really lame - but he is/was my very best friend) and now he's pulling back totally - he's too busy to take my calls, emails, IMs, text messages. I think it may be too painful for him right now to be in contact with me frequently...as we try to move on with our lives.
I hurt him so very very very very much and I'm having a really hard time forgiving myself. He deserves someone so much better than me. He really does. And I've never been the "hurter" in a relationship, I was always the one being hurt. And I really don't know HOW to forgive myself for hurting someone who loved me so totally and completely unconditionally. I want him to be happy - I just wish I made him happy. When we broke up he said "Cheryl, you make me sadder than you make me happy".
He was my rock and my strength and the center of my world. And I feel helpless and scared....and, honestly, quite pathetic. He (and my psychologist) helped me through binge eating, drinking, drug use, everything.
A little background: I had surgery in July and we met in November - he saw me through so many changes. I broke up with him in March - it is/was a long-distance relationship and my "new body" was receiving attention from guys and I thought I wanted to be with someone closer (location-wise). We got back together a few weeks later, but he never got over the pain.
Any words of encouragement or kindness would be really appreciated. I know that WLS takes its toll on many relationships, and I was thinking that maybe someone out there could relate....
For those of you that don't know, my boyfriend of 13 months broke up with me over New Years.....and its finally hitting me. I have been so sad and depressed and hysterical for days. We had promised to stay friends (which I know sounds really lame - but he is/was my very best friend) and now he's pulling back totally - he's too busy to take my calls, emails, IMs, text messages. I think it may be too painful for him right now to be in contact with me frequently...as we try to move on with our lives.
I hurt him so very very very very much and I'm having a really hard time forgiving myself. He deserves someone so much better than me. He really does. And I've never been the "hurter" in a relationship, I was always the one being hurt. And I really don't know HOW to forgive myself for hurting someone who loved me so totally and completely unconditionally. I want him to be happy - I just wish I made him happy. When we broke up he said "Cheryl, you make me sadder than you make me happy".
He was my rock and my strength and the center of my world. And I feel helpless and scared....and, honestly, quite pathetic. He (and my psychologist) helped me through binge eating, drinking, drug use, everything.
A little background: I had surgery in July and we met in November - he saw me through so many changes. I broke up with him in March - it is/was a long-distance relationship and my "new body" was receiving attention from guys and I thought I wanted to be with someone closer (location-wise). We got back together a few weeks later, but he never got over the pain.
Any words of encouragement or kindness would be really appreciated. I know that WLS takes its toll on many relationships, and I was thinking that maybe someone out there could relate.... 
Ok I have re-written this 3x now, long distance relationships are hard, if your relationship was truely meant to be then someone should have made the effort to get geographically closer to the other.
As as far as forgiving yourself you need to, not justifying what happened but as post ops the changes we go through are profound and sometimes we have a tough time dealing with them. Suddenly we are being noticed and that fat little girl inside gets goofy and giggly cause someone is noticing us.
Relationships are hard enough but then toss in someone just having WLS, then the distance, we get lonely and we get dumb. Your human OH NO NOT HUMAN!!!!! Hang in there and let yourself accept the fact you did something dumb.
I wouldnt try to contact him anymore, let him come to you.... let him heal let time do its magic. If this relationship is meant to happen it will keep the faith and forgive yourself its ok we are allowed to make mistakes....
Debby
Hi
I am sorry that you are going through this and not sure how much help I can be. I think that you need to talk to your psychologist, have him help you work through this. I am in the beginning of my weigh loss and I know that once I lose the weight I am going to need to go to counseling. Please don't put yourself down, you have made a major change in your life and just have to learn how to deal with the new you. I know that you didn't mean to hurt him ,you probably have your guard up so that you wouldn't be hurt. Can you send him an email or card letting him know how you feel and explain to him what is going on with you. It will get better and hopefully you will be able to work it out. Take care and don't be so hard on yourself.
Tina
Hi Cheryl,
I'm so very sorry you're hurting like this. My best advice would be to lay it all out for him - how you're feeling, how he made you feel, your apology, etc. and step back and see what he does. If or when he is ready, he will make his move hopefully and let you know where you stand. I do hope that everything works out for you.
(((Hugs)))
Cathy
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