sad/struggling/afraid

Thanks everyone.  All of your answers were exactly what I am thinking.  I guess I just have to keep in mind that my friends are grieving for their friend and want to find something to blame.  I will give them some time and then try to explain to them why this is right for me, but whether they approve or not I am sure that I am on the right path.

Tracy

Hi Tracy - I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. It's always such a shock when someone relatively young dies suddenly and it's human nature to want to know why it happened. I truly believe that her WLS had no link to her sudden death and it would not prevent me from going ahead with my own plans for surgery. I definitely believe that I stand a much better chance of dying from one of my weight-related co-morbidities high BP, sleep apnea, diabetes, etc.) than from a heart attack. You know that you are not going into this surgery lightly and that you've done your research and have decided that this is what you need to do to be able to live a long and healthy life. We all feel this way - that's why we're here. If they continue to try to talk you out of it, just tell then that, while you appreciate their concern, you've done your homework and feel confident in your decision and that you hope that they'll respect your choice to have the surgery. I'm sending out a big cyberhug to you tonight........

Deb

When I first started researching this surgery it seemed that everyone who I talked to knew someone who knew someone who had heard of someone who had "dropped dead" after having RNY surgery. I was terrified at first and even thought I would change my mind but I realize that it's just fear talking for the most part and that everyone is different and I have to give myself an opportunity to live. 

I cannot see any relation to RNY and a cardiac arrest a year post op unless she was not following the new way of eating and taking her supplements. I think it is normal to have 2nd and 3rd and even 4th thoughts about undergoing any major surgery and subsequent lifestyle change. I recently had my appointment with the social worker and she asked if I had a power of attorney in place. I said no but I was planning on doing that and a will (really should already have these done) before surgery. It is pretty rare that any one dies during or immediately after the surgery but it could happen.
Every morning you get out of bed you are facing the risk of dying but life is too darned short to be worrying about stuff you have no control over. We all just have to do the best we can to get through each day. I think we are far more at risk from dying from obesity related diseases than dying from WLS.

My dad had his first heart attack at age 50, and lived to be 89.
I had my heart attack at age 54, and since that day have lost almost 70 pounds.
In fact one of the main reasons I had it was that my surgeon told me I'd be in a wheelchair with a stroke within 8-10 years if I didn't lose the weight soon.

I agree with everyonhe who has said that while there are definitely risks to any surgery, it is far more certain that we will suffer something catastrophic if we DON'T lose the weight - and keep it off.

And I am really sorry you're worrying like this - I did too before the surgery, but I am SO glad I went for it.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts.  I don't think I am questioning the safety of the surgery...I defended it to my friend who called to tell me the news.   But then I kind of felt bad that I had dismissed her concerns and wanted some reassurance that I wasn't crazy in thinking that her heart attack couldn't possibly be related to her RNY...especially after a year or more has gone by. 

I feel terrible that my friends have lost their friend, but I really believe that the two things aren't connected and I still plan to go ahead with the surgery.  I just hate the thought of my friends worrying about me dying...but I like the suggestion of taking one of them to one of my appointments.  That might help put their mind at ease...

Tracy