need to vent
My sincere condolences on your loss.
and your other son, sounds like he's still grieving (of course he is, he loved his brother), but until he's ready, he won't look at surgery or any other diet. We have all been there when someone told us to loose weight for whatever reason. until we are ready they can talk till they are blue in the face.
dealing with his grief is the first step, until he can deal with the loss (it's so fresh yet) he can't think of getting himself healthier.
I hope that happens soon, parents shouldn't outlive their children.
So sad, Sending you a big hug.
J
and your other son, sounds like he's still grieving (of course he is, he loved his brother), but until he's ready, he won't look at surgery or any other diet. We have all been there when someone told us to loose weight for whatever reason. until we are ready they can talk till they are blue in the face.
dealing with his grief is the first step, until he can deal with the loss (it's so fresh yet) he can't think of getting himself healthier.
I hope that happens soon, parents shouldn't outlive their children.
So sad, Sending you a big hug.
J
Thanks for all your input.. we are on our way home from Winnipeg, and are stopped for the night at a hotel in Michigan.. and hubby and I are both upset over our son and his weight gain.. he has battled weight for years, he went on Herbal Magic and lost 213 pounds in 67 wks(3 yr ago).. and then went off the herbs and diet regime and gained it all back and then some.. and since July we have noticed more weight gain and he is winded easily.. anyway.. hubby and I were in tears this afternoon discussing our concerns privately..and so when I got the chance, I sent a note to my son.. here is what I wrote..
So.. now its time for me to talk to you.. as I have always been able to tell you what's on my mind without getting brushed off .. Alex used to glare and more or less brush me off as he beat a hasty retreat..
Dad and I were saddened to leave your home, and we left with heavy hearts.. we are concerned about you.. we have noticed that you have gained more weight since we saw you in July.. and you did PROMISE us, back in July, to get a doctor and deal with health issues PROMPTLY.. and I hope you carry through with that promise.
I lived for 3 years with a heavy heart.. going to bed nightly praying that Alex would turn his life around and get healthier.. and sadly he waited too late and we both know that obesity related issues contributed to his untimely death.
I don't know if you are simply depressed from the grieving over the loss of Alex and therefore have given up on bettering your health.. or if you are existing in a world of DENIAL where your health is concerned but son.. I mean nothing but loving concern when I say.. you are killing yourself.. from poor eating habits and NO exercise.. and in doing so you are killing both dad and me.. When Alex died.. a bit of us died too.. part of
our hearts, and our will to live, died with him.. and we miss him terribly and it would KILL us if you died too from neglect of your health.. please, I am begging you to get control of your daily habits and get healthier..make an honest effort to eat better.. healthier choices, smaller portions and get some exercise DAILY..
a 30 minute walk 5 days a week can make a difference.. and I really don't want to be misconstrued as being nasty, petty or mean.. its not my goal to nag.. we just don't want to lose you!..
Both Dad and I are in tears off and on worrying about you.. so please, if for no other reason.. do it for us..
you have lost weigh before and we are confident that you can again.. IF you truly try..
please do not get upset by this note.. I just have to tell you what is in my heart.. and dad's heart too... we love you so much and we don't want to lose you.. so please.. take care of yourself..
We are looking forward to seeing you at Christmas.. and we will be keeping in touch with you on a regular basis..
sending a big hug your way.. we love you.
I am hoping he will take this note in the way it was meant.. with loving concern.
Thanks for listening
suzyq
So.. now its time for me to talk to you.. as I have always been able to tell you what's on my mind without getting brushed off .. Alex used to glare and more or less brush me off as he beat a hasty retreat..
Dad and I were saddened to leave your home, and we left with heavy hearts.. we are concerned about you.. we have noticed that you have gained more weight since we saw you in July.. and you did PROMISE us, back in July, to get a doctor and deal with health issues PROMPTLY.. and I hope you carry through with that promise.
I lived for 3 years with a heavy heart.. going to bed nightly praying that Alex would turn his life around and get healthier.. and sadly he waited too late and we both know that obesity related issues contributed to his untimely death.
I don't know if you are simply depressed from the grieving over the loss of Alex and therefore have given up on bettering your health.. or if you are existing in a world of DENIAL where your health is concerned but son.. I mean nothing but loving concern when I say.. you are killing yourself.. from poor eating habits and NO exercise.. and in doing so you are killing both dad and me.. When Alex died.. a bit of us died too.. part of
our hearts, and our will to live, died with him.. and we miss him terribly and it would KILL us if you died too from neglect of your health.. please, I am begging you to get control of your daily habits and get healthier..make an honest effort to eat better.. healthier choices, smaller portions and get some exercise DAILY..
a 30 minute walk 5 days a week can make a difference.. and I really don't want to be misconstrued as being nasty, petty or mean.. its not my goal to nag.. we just don't want to lose you!..
Both Dad and I are in tears off and on worrying about you.. so please, if for no other reason.. do it for us..
you have lost weigh before and we are confident that you can again.. IF you truly try..
please do not get upset by this note.. I just have to tell you what is in my heart.. and dad's heart too... we love you so much and we don't want to lose you.. so please.. take care of yourself..
We are looking forward to seeing you at Christmas.. and we will be keeping in touch with you on a regular basis..
sending a big hug your way.. we love you.
I am hoping he will take this note in the way it was meant.. with loving concern.
Thanks for listening
suzyq
I'm so sorry that you and your husband are going through this. My condolences on the loss of your son. I appreciate that you are so very concerned about your other son as any parent would be. I read through the note that you wrote and I hope your son is moved to do something about his weight. I second Beth's statement about some tough love, perhaps if you don't hear about any changes within a few months another visit with an intervention of some sort is in order. Addressing his depression may be the first step rather than tackling his weight issues, maybe 1 step at a time. He may be less defensive admitting that things are going great and perhaps anti-depressants or a therapist might help. It's something to think about.
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