relationships after wls

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and have been through alot of life changing events together. we have stuck beside eachother for the hole time and he was just getting his life together when we met. he was 2 years out when we met and now i am waiting for my surgery. Lately he said that he resents me for having a life and knowing me before we met and that he is not happy anymore.. This is the time i need him and he wants to stay together til aug then get our own apartments cause his head is different now.. does this make sense to you???

Hi there

I have read that if relationships are strong before wls surgery they will be strong after. I have seen many people split up after surgery, but they didn't have great relationships before.
I'm not sure I understand what he regrets about your life before.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but if he wants to split up in Aug let him go now...... Why does he want to prolong this another 6 months????
I am sorry this is happening to you. Sorry he is feeling this way
Maybe some counselling would help if he is willing
If he is determined that he wants to split up I don't know what to say except let him go.
You have to think about yourself and your health
There is nothing worse than having someone in your life that brings you down. I have been there and done that..................
I wish you all the best in whatever happens.
if you want to talk, e-mail me at [email protected]
Maybe you guys can work this out.

Take care

I would make arrangements to be done now.  I have done the extended living situation and it was brutal emotionally draining and you don't need that going through this process.  You need to build your strength and keep your focus for the challenges coming. 

Good luck, things will get better,


Tracey

I wouldn't wait until August to move on. Who knows why he feels the way he does but if you know it is over it easier to end it now instead of trying to live together for all the wrong reasons. He may say he is going to support you through your surgery but it likely won't happen. Find yourself another support person and put the toxic relationship in the trash. You deserve better than someone that resents you.

OMG.  Why does he want to stay together until August?  Is his name on the lease or something?  If so, could you afford the place alone or could he?

It is really strange to live like brother and sister after having an intimate relationship.  You would start resenting each other way before August came around.  It is really hard to be just friends after this.

Good luck with your decision making.  This is a tough situation.

Judy

So obviously there is not a lot of information in your post about what is going on and none of our business of course but personally I can't see me wanting to keep my husband around when he's told me that he is not happy anymore and wants to move out. I just as soon see the backside of him than keep seeing him, it's just like a reminder of the pain and unhappiness. Like others have said the aftermath of WLS can break up fragile relationships so maybe it is better now than later.

So sorry you are going through a tough time.  Do whatever you have to do to get YOU through this. 

*hugs*

Laura

 Lets start by saying each of us is wonderful special, and amazing. That being said I do not know your personal cir****tances, however I do know we all deserve to be treated with love respect and kindness. It sounds like you are not getting that. 
If your BF wants to end things and wait until August you should seriously considering ending it now. You are at a monumentous time in your life, where you will need support and understanding watching someone you love use you as a warm place to be for whatever reason for 6 months is not in anyones best interest. You have made a choice to love yourself enough to start a brand new life for yourself, love yourself enough to know you deserve better than what you are being given right now. 

I agree with the others.  I don't know what you meant by he resents you having a life and knowing you before you met but regardless of that, he came out and told you that he resents you...for whatever reason.  Will counselling help?  Maybe.  Perhaps he has issues that he needs to identify and work through that will then allow him to get over his resentment and be in a happy place again.  You've implied that he had some difficult things happen in his life before you met him and you stated that you've been through many life changing events together since then, so perhaps he feels like you are a reminder to all the tough times  and he wants a clean slate.  That isn't fair to you, but it wouldn't be fair for him to keep dragging you a long and just pretending either. 

Even though it hurts, it is good that he has shared his feelings.  You can be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, and possibly by ending the relationship with him you will be opening up yourself to meet your real prince charming. 

I agree with the others that I would definitely not keep him around until Aug.  I know in your mind you are probably thinking that gives you another 8 months to try to change him and make him realize that he still loves you...but that is really just giving you 8 more months of heartache and is dragging out the inevitable.  Then when August rolls around and he packs up and actually walks out the door it will be like reopening the wound.  I would ask him to leave now.  Or make plans for you to leave.

That's not to say it is over 100%.  You can still attend counselling and work on repairing the relationship if that's what you both want.  But you don't have to be living together to do it.  And maybe the time apart will be good for the healing process.  In the end if it doesn't work out, then at least you will have created your own space of comfort.

Also if you are waiting for surgery you will want to have supportive people by your side and not someone who is needy and may or may not be around when you need him.  In my opinion, with the limited information I have, it seems the writing is on the wall. 

I'm very sorry that you are going through this.  It is tough, but you will get through it.  And you can always vent here if you need to get things off your chest.

thanks for the advice and idk what i am going to do right now.. so frazzled but keeping my head in the game.