Judgementalism

It is very Sad Karen, I've struggled all my life with weight and now that I have lost some (still a little more to go) there are those that are just waiting to see me fail.  The bullying continues in one way or another...it is sad, it hurts but that is how most people in this world are...unfortunately!

Sometimes i look at an obese person, eating something that I can't, or currently, won't, and I want to run up to them and tell them about my surgery. Then I take a step back and remember that 1. I would have HATED it if someone suggested surgery to me, and 2. not everyone is able to mentally or physically have this surgery. I don't judge, but I often feel sad because I remember what it felt like to be obese.....and sick.

People are too obsessed with celebs, be it political/sports/singers/movie stars, etc.
I could care less if the mayor dyed himself blue and became a smurf. Unless it affects my life and my loved one's lives, I just have better things to do.

I suppose it makes people feel better about themselves to judge. I admit I was like that once...but negativity breed the same and chickens always come home to roost. It's not so funny when the laughter/jokes are directed at you :(

It's horrible to admit this but I really feel I've become MORE judgemental after surgery. I don't know why. It's not like I'm at a healthy weight yet. I still struggle day to day but I find that I do judge people more when I see them eat not-so-healthy things and that's not limited to here, it's everywhere...at work, at home, out.

It's not something I'm proud of but it is the truth.

Heh...this is so common, I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.  There is nothing like the zeal of the converted!  You don't even have to have WLS to experience it.  At least you recognize it!

I think it's because we are so hyper-conscious of what we are doing when we're trying to change our habits, whether it's dieting, stopping smoking, stopping drinking, or heck, even not biting our nails, that we can fall into the trap of not only policing our own behaviour but everyone else's too!

I have a family member who goes every once in a while to see a dietition when she feels like she needs to get on track with her eating again.  You know when she's been recently, because when you see her soon afterwards, she gets into "helpful lecture mode" about what is healthy to eat, what isn't, etc.  I put up with it because she's kind and lovely and she doesn't mean to lecture.

I noticed that as well with someone I once knew who went to AA.  They heard that I had gone out for a couple of drinks with a friend, and because they were so enthusiastic about their recovery, which was great, they would see "warning signs" of alcoholism in anyone they knew who occasionally had a drink.

Thank you Karen for posting this.

Since coming to the Ontario Forum I have always felt the love and support from total strangers, some who now I am proud to call my friends. Whether it was during my pre and post op surgical challenges or simply life itself there has always been many people with support and encouragement helping me along the way. Is this not the type of person we all want to strive to become, be it whatever religion we practice shouldnt we be kind, understanding, supportive and non judgemental? We share a bond together. We have all walked in those same shoes. We must make it our cause to not only not judge others but to stand up and say No I wont listen to that, I wont just let it pass, whether they are members of our forum or not. We have all felt the pain of the snickers, comments, discrimination, being passed up for promotions, etc all our lives and we of all people have to be the ones to stand up and say No, we will not accept hearing that abuse.  

I recall in one of the 600 lb women TLC series how the woman in the grocery store cried upon hearing comments directed behind her back about just getting a bigger chair. She has now accomplished her goal and is helping others. I dont care if it is the devil himself that is fighting obesity, I believe it is our duty to support that person, and fight the disease. No one else truly understands but us. If it had been cancer Mayor Ford was fighting would we be having this discussion?

So lets all get back on track and show why the Ontario forum is the best one out there! 

Well said Karen! How would any of us feel if someone bashed us or our attempts at weight loss? It hurts whether you're famous or not.

I know it's been said before but being overweight seems to make people fair game for insults and abuse. I've been told (by a nurse when I was in the hospital for back surgery) that all I needed to do was "put down the fork".

Wow. Can't believe I inspired board.

Ironic now that I'm being judged, isn't it.

Look, do I want Rob Ford to fail? Of course not. I don't wish ill health or ill will on anyone. I would support and congratulate him if he succeeded and take no joy in his failure, despite my "lol".

I'm boisterous and make bold comments, it's my online 'persona'. I just simply think he's an idiot. I didn't stop to think about the man, I just went with the figure the media presents to me. 

Do I mean everything I said about him? No, it's the internet, and I think he's an idiot so I just made a judgemental statement about his path based on what the media portays him as. I know nothing of his personal life, except that he's a father and a husband.

I do not judge anyone for their weight. I do get really mad when i see people who don't try (and I don't mean failing a diet or quitting a diet out of frustration) But that's my issue based on the hell I've been through this past year. So I definitely go overboard with comments and opinions when I think someone is taking their health for granted.

Hell, I met a girl a few weeks ago who has no family in Ottawa and who's friends make a lot of ignorant comments about WLS and she is terrified. So I take time off work to drive her to her appointments to support her.

So yeah, I shot off at the mouth about someone I don't like, someone who is completley unaffected by my existence or comments. I would take no pleasure in hurting his feelings.

But, for what it's worth, I don't judge any of you or anyone else who struggle. Anyone who knows me would 100% attest to that. I am a compassionate and supportive person.

Anyway, not that it matters but I apologize to anyone I offended.

Don't flatter yourself thinking it was you and you alone that inspired this post.  You were not the only person being judgmental in the post about Rob Ford.  Nowhere does she even mention that she is referring to that thread so are you feeling guilty about something?

You keep calling him an idiot and then say you have have great empathy and compassion towards obese people well he is one of those people so maybe lay off the personal attacks on him and then maybe we may believe you.  As for your online "persona", why don't you just be yourself instead of trying to a *****  If that really isn't the way you are in real life then why try and portray yourself that way online?  I believe most of us say it as it is in real life as we do here so why not be yourself.  Do you feel empowered that you can be so cruel here because it is just the internet after all.

I"m an outspoken ***** in real life and I'm the same way here but you won't see me bashing someone for their looks or otherwise in either place.  Why not just try to be who you really are instead of hiding behind the power and anonimity of a monitor.

YOU inspired the board??!!  Ummmm...... no. Sorry.  And you're not being judged by anyone.  Not me anyway.  People have their own opinions, and I stated my distaste for the obese being made fun of and looked down upon, and felt it was sad that Mayor Rob Ford was victim of this in the public eye.

That's it, that's all.