Rude awaking

Sooo,
I have been very open with my close friends about my choice of having this operation. My friends know how my weight has been a struggle, both mentally and physically.

My friends also know about and have see me go thro some horrible times in the past 10yrs.

Well, tonight. A couple of friends of mine and I were together chatting about everything and anything. My operation came up.

And they got excited, almost like they forgot I was there for a min. Something's came out unedited. Like she can come out with us and we won't have to worry about moving to fast for her. We won't have to check to if you are gonna be comfortable going somewhere, cause you don't know if you will fit.
We will be able to go out more and socialize together more, you won't be so self conscious. We can set you up on dates.. Our men all think you have such a pretty face, just too big to set up.

It just left me feeling punched in the stomach. So, it wasn't all in my head. Has I gained the weight, it made other people uncomfortable and it affected my friendship. Cause they didn't wanna have to deal, cope or have to think about any extra considerations I may have due to my size or just didnt wanna acknowledge it. So I was left out.

Just made me think, what else is everyone thinking about me and my weight....

They are likely thinking what you know they are thinking. Probably the same things you have thought a thousand times about yourself or others who are overweight. Like most of us, you have known all of your life the stigma faced by fat people, and you have probably looked at people bigger than you and maybe said or thought "if I ever get that big, just shoot me."

Fact is fat people generally are slobby, or lazy, or greedy,or piggy, and unhappy, and if they are "jolly", it's because they are fooling themselves. All of these stereotypes are "okay" to have because they make thin people feel superior and more in control.It's like any other prejudice, Brigitte Jones might say "sizist" although her "fat self" was truly insulting to women who suffer with chronic dieting.

All that being said - the only ones who matter are your friends and family and, as insensitive as they were with you, they really were trying to be supportive. You might wait for a more appropriate time and mention it. A little education never hurt anyone. If they start down that conversational road again - you could maybe say "Damn guys, good thing I'm not in a wheellchair"

As the population of North America continues to become more and more obese, and health care starts to realize the cost of denying that the problem exists, things may change, or they may not. There will always be idiots who just can't connect the dots. THey are the ones karma has a bead on.

Yeah. I hear ya.

I did get the feeling some comments weren't out of love and concern

One chick I got the feeling she was concerned that I wasn't gonna be her " pity friend" anymore.

I have overcome A LOT, and my weight is the last on the list. Some things she said tonight made me feel like I'm her " fat" friend. I have her on my radar... She is gonna be a problem i think.

Your"re beautiful!  and your on the right track. Never mind the insensitivities of some people, it can be harder to ignore when they are close to us, but remember, if they talk like that then they have most likely never been here...  IT does'nt excuse the down right ignorant behavior, but helps us better understand why some people just say and do the most stupiest things without thinking first.  Head's up, Were on your team!!

 

GO team MANDY!!  lol

 

You are a doll!

Tonight was a learning experience.

Glad it happen

Just a thought, you may have to redefine the term "friend". All of us have needs whether we are blind, overweight, suffer with anxiety, afraid of heights, etc. etc.  If your friends expect you to become "invisible" they are in for a surprise. You will still be you after surgery.

Sounds to me like they are often embarrassed to be with you - not friends in my book but I may be wrong - you know them best.

I know. I have to relook some of them..
But there were some ladies there that stood up for me.

But you are right. I do have to

Thru past expiences and current ones such as my weight loss journey the old saying comes to my mind very frequently... You certainly find out who your friends are at a point when you need them the most. I was hurt so many times and I missed their so called friendship when they suddenly dumped me because they didnt want to be there for me.But later I learned that you cant miss what you didnt have. They were never really my friends to begin with if they could only see me at my best.

Here is a huge hug and remember you are way better than those who cant be bothered. Take care sweets. 

It's tough for sure. I've lost some friends over my weight loss and found out a couple of truths that aren't too pleasing to know. Sometimes people don't like change and feel that when someone makes a major change in their life, it will effect them negatively. Like losing their fat friend that made them feel skinnier, or the one person they knew wouldn't be busy on the weekend or always available for a meal out. 

When they talk, things come out that aren't intentional sometimes. 

Water off a duck's back. You're not doing this for them, you own no one that debt. This is for you, you're changing for the better and those who can get with the new program will. Those who can't are better left out down the road anyway. 

Here's to a healthier and fit future for you and those *****ally love you.

If they are considerate enough to worry about you being able to fit, etc when you go out they sound like concerned friends. You have to keep in mind as much as our weight affects us, it does affect others as well. Sometimes we're not the only ones who will have NSVs because of our own weight loss.