I could really use some help

on 1/9/14 12:38 am

I am having a really hard time trying to figure out if WLS is right for me.  I read so many people on here trying to find ways to speed up the process, being so excited for their surgery, or so happy they made this HUGE life altering step.  But I don’t feel any of this.

 I am going through the process with all my appointments.  I am very fortunate to be moving through at such a quick pace.  And even if there is a delay it doesn’t bother me.  But as I attend all the various appointments I just seem to become more unsure the deeper in I get.

I found a thread that posted the “eating after GBS” pdf from TWH (very helpful thank you to that poster!) In that, I read that you are likely to lose 60 – 85% of your excess body weight.  5 years out you’re likely to only maintain a 50 – 60% loss.  If my math is right, for me that would mean after 5 years I’d only be down approx. 57 lbs.  If that is the case, I would still be overweight and what was the point of surgery?

I am making the best effort I’ve ever made to eat better and really learn how to incorporate all the food groups.  I am recognizing my behavioural eating and bad habits, and am trying to making those changes.  But at the end of the day, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO EAT PROPERLY!  If I did I likely wouldn’t be in this situation.

I am so sick of my lifelong weight struggle, I am at my highest weight ever and it’s lately that I have been really feeling the ill effects of obesity (I can’t go on rides with my kids, I can’t fit into certain chairs etc.)  I am feeling scared, frustrated, and really just at a loss.  I don’t know what to do.  I know that “only I will know if this is right for me” but how or when will I know that?

I could really use some insight.

REFERRED: June 19, 2013, ORIENTATION: September 23, 2013,1st SURGEON (Dr. KLEIN) APPT. October 10, 2013 RN / SW / NUT: December 20, 2013 DR. GLAZER: January 7, 2014 2nd SW / NUT: February 14, 2013, 2nd SURGEON (Dr. KLEIN) APPT. March 31, 2014, 2nd APPT. DR. GLAZER: February 4, 2015   PATTS: February 19, 2015 SURGERY: March 13, 2015


on 1/9/14 12:56 am - elliot lake, Canada
If u are unsure perhaps u.should talk to your doctor? For myself i was at a point tht at almost 400 lbs i had to.do something or loose myself.to my obesity...i was stuck :( however there r other methods then surgery, have u spoken to ur doctor about non surgical weight loss?? It involves long.term opti use? If i were in your shoes i would research as much as possible, i almost.back out...then after the rny...i kept thinking...wth did i do?!? However 3 months and 107 lbs later, im happy, i can keep up with my kids, not to be.cliche but my relationship husband is.sooo much better, and i am so much more.confident...it is a hard choice, but it is your choice, feel free to add me as a friend if u want and we can discuss this in more detail as needed :)


on 1/9/14 1:07 am - Canada

I think a lot of us struggle with the same issues/thoughts as you have put on here, and to be honest, it is a struggle, not in the same way, I had surgery 2.5 month ago and have not had really any cravings. The way you eat and life in general does change surrounding food. Personally, I have become way more cognitive about when I am putting in my mouth. You will learn to eat better, it comes with time, but that is my opinion.

I have found that this weight loss surgery is right now something that encompasses me life a lot, if I am not thinking about it, I am talking about it. People are always asking now it seems. LOL

Good or bad eating habits, this is a life change, when you are going through this, look at the last line of your post, and remember throughout every appointment that one day you will "Be able to go on rides with your kids" and do things that you never were able to do before.

This site is a great support system, I do not have any immediate family in the area, and although friends wanted to help, its been tough. The people on here have got me though some low times and they are all going through it with you as well.

Good Luck to you in which ever path you think is right for you :)


Katie H.

Referral January 2013 - Orientation at TWH March 4  -  Social Worker May 27 - Nurse Practitioner July 11 - Nutrition Class August 26 - Dietitian September 4 - Psychologist September 4, Meeting with Surgeon September 13 - Surgery October 28


on 1/9/14 1:43 am - Ontario, Canada
RNY on 01/20/12

They give you the stats of the worst case scenario. It is up to you weather this will be you or not. I am only two years out. I lost more than the 80% because I wanted to. I have kept all but the 5 lbs I gained over Christmas off for 8 mths. I know in the great scheme os things this is not very long a time. Some vets talk about the 20 lb re-gain at 2 yrs. 

Here is how I see it. You have a window of opportunity to maximize your loosing. Usually about 18 mths. Then the malabsorbion usually stops. None of this is easy. They will change your insides but you need to work on the mental reasons for your obesity because these will not change. Eventually cravings and desires for food return. The difference I have now is that I can exercise and move more. I also like my new body and decide if the food I crave is worth it. Everyday there are challenges as to whether I will eat something or not. You have the loosing phase to make new eating habits.

So will you lose only 60-85 % of your weight, that will depend on you and if you are willing to follow the rules. Will you only keep off 50 - 60% of your weight? Again this is up to you and whether you can make the eating and lifestyle changes needed.

For me this was a life saving surgery. I had high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes and could barely move from pain. Today I no longer take blood pressure or diabetic meds. My heart is stronger than it has been in years and more importantly I can move. Yes I still have some pain but I no longer let it keep me sitting on a couch.

Only you can decide if this is for you and if you are not ready for to make the changes than perhaps wait until you no longer have doubts.

Good luck with your decision





Jessica S.
on 1/9/14 1:54 am - Ottawa, Canada

Hi I was like you and before surgery I kept delaying it because I kept thinking I can do this on my own, I am young and I have no kids but then I keep trying diets and going to the gym all the time but every attempt got harder and I gained more weight when I failed. I finally decided that I needed the help because before having a kid of my own and passing on my horrible yoyo dieting life I wanted to correct this crap. I had my surgery almost 10 months ago. I started at 255 lbs, I am 5'2 1/2 and I have lost 96 lbs so far, I am now at 159 lbs. Even thou in the beginning you can barely eat and you don't have those craving you need to know they do come back, some people get longer to help get over those and others come back sooner, mine I wish would have stayed away longer. You will hear this a lot but the surgery doesn't correct it all, you will need to work on your head issues and hunger, you will need support for a long time to come. It's a very hard process because it involves so many changes and honestly if we were good at making them all we would have all lost weight on our own. As mentioned about support is really going to be your key. I am able to eat pretty much anything now but in very small quantities, i have had fast food, chips chocolate and I do feel guilty after but i am not going to beat myself up, I just try to be smarter and stronger. If I do eat crap I try to make it once a week, realistically you will eat crap again in your life the key is to learn to not go crazy and not guilt yourself about it. Skinny people eat junk too but so much less of it and then they never think twice about the guilt they just live their lives and are active, so for me I am learning to be like that, working on more more activity, eating balanced and when I eat junk I move on from it.

Personally I do not regret this surgery at all, it has helped me loose more then I have ever been able to on my own alone so to me that is important, if I wouldn't have had this surgery I would probably weight over 300 lbs in 5 years now even if I am one of those that gains some back well hopefully I will remain under the 200 lbs mark and that will still be better then being above 300 lbs. It is a one step at a time process for me and I am learning more and more every day and if I get it wrong along the way well I hope my support system will be there for me and help me work back down again.

You need to do what is important to you, I think you could benefit from it a lot and being more active with your children is something you want so even if you get 5 years of skinny and then a little over weight isn't that better then gaining or not loosing?

Don't what feels right for you.

Good luck darling and if you need to talk message me.





on 1/9/14 1:54 am - Canada

I know exactly where you are coming from, i too was gung-ho to do this until i learned more about the surgery and received my personal risk to do the surgery based on my pre-existing comorbidities, i went through all the steps to get approved and am scheduled for surgery on the 20th of January. 

I called yesterday to cancel it. For me i cannot go through with it until i am ready to confront the demons in my head that caused me to gain the weight in the first place.  I know my relationship with food has been unhealthy and in the end you have to control what you put in your mouth, the surgery is just a tool and will not create a miracle to lose the weight. 

Humber has an amazing non surgical program that allows you the use of many professionals to help you with all aspects of weight loss for free.  If you are not ready to make this permanent decision then step back, you will always have another chance to do the surgery.  This is a personal journey and nobody can help you know what to do.

I wish you the best.

Orientation HRRH Oct 21,13 / Surgeon Nov 1,13 / SW,RD,RN, Internist Dec 3,13 / PATTS Jan 14,14 / Surgery Jan 20,14


on 1/9/14 5:31 am - Arnprior, Canada

When I first heard about GBPS and knew the results, I still wasn't sure I was ready for this, and I didn't push.  Then my weight kept creeping up, I couldn't even lower my weight to be able to use Wii Fit.  I decided I had had enough, diets didn't work, I needed something different.  I decided I was ready for surgery.

If you are not ready for the surgery, there is no shame in that.  If you want to try a different approach, some clinics offer a weight loss program.  The Ottawa program includes being on Optifast for either 3 or 6 months, then gradually including food after that.  With that program, there is educational classes that go along with it.  This wasn't a viable option for me, as it is not covered by OHIP and not by my Health Insurance either.  I couldn't afford it.

Talk to the social worker/behaviorist about this, and see what they say.  You may just have to wait a little bit and start this again when your ready, and you will know when you're ready, we can't tell you how, just that you will know.



on 1/9/14 9:53 pm - Canada

Hi Sadie -


First of all, I respect your right to doubt the effectiveness of the surgery and the subsequent lifestyle change in yourself.

But I submit to you that thousands and thousands of success stories must have some merit - AND it has been proven, again and again, that this surgery actually saves lives.


In my case, I can vouch for that. While I was not enormous, I was 264 pounds at 5'1", and had already experienced one heart attack. I was pre-diabetic and had already undergone two knee surgeries. EVERYTHING in my life was coloured by my weight - from a seat on the bus to sleeping at night, to going out with friends, to keeping up with the young'uns. When I look back on how much time I wasted thinking about my weight and worrying about it, and stressing over my compulsion to eat, I just shake my head - I wasted YEARS.


I have said it before and I will say it again.

You have two choices - the first is to keep on trying the diets, and have your weight creep up further and further. You are guaranteed to suffer ill effects, 100%. And your chances at premature death are increased to almost 100%.

Or you can take the chance on this FREE TOOL being offered, let it change you from within, take home all the lessons they give you (with their years of experience) and grab the opportunity to live a full satisfying and free life.


Your choice.

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