different surgery prep

I've been having scary thoughts about surgery and apparently so has a lot of people on the main forum lately. Well some of the advice to us is to write basically good bye letters to family, get wills in order if none already, etc. Did any of you do this? I personally think I'd be a sobbing mess writing out good bye letters to my loved ones.

If you didn't do this what did you do to get over the "I may die" thoughts?

i wrote goodbye letters to my children, my grandkids and my husband.  I left them in my desk with a note where to find them in my pocketbook.  I hadn't told my kids about the surgery and told nobody about the letters.  My 20-year old son was searching through my desk for something and found them the night of my surgery.  He started reading and freaked out.  Of course they started with, "if your reading this I must be gone . . ."  He tried calling my cell, it was off.  His girlfriend, her mother, my daughter, her husband were all her searching when they finally got a hold of my husband.  We laugh about it now.   They got to read all my deep words of wisdom to them and I'm not gone!!!

Well, I guess I got all that out of my system many years ago ;-).  Before my first big business trip (yes, we're talking MANY years ago) I wrote "in case of my death" letters to my husband and daughter (plus any children yet to be born).  The letters were the things that I wanted them to know that I may not have talked about explicitly in the past... happy things, insightful things, etc.  I put them in the safe and they've stayed there ever since.  They'd probably be kinda funny to look back on now, frankly, given how much water has flowed under the bridge!

I've had a will since right after we got married, and frankly believe that everyone should have one.  There's no excuse not to (you can get do-it-yourself kits at Staples if you can't afford a lawyer), because it will save your loved ones a lot of needless grief and expense if (no WHEN) you eventually die.  And it should be updated about every 10 years or after any major life change (a child's birth, marriage, divorce, etc.).

So having those "details" taken care of means that you don't have to reduce yourself to a sobbing mess before any major event ;-).  That way, you can focus on exactly what is going on without a lot of peripheral thoughts. 

So to prep for the surgery, I made sure that I had talked with and spent time alone with all of the people in my life who I'm closest with ... family and friends.  We just did what we usually do, and had enjoyable days.  I also made sure that I visited my favorite restaurants to "say goodbye to old friends" who I WOULDN'T be partaking of again... the greasy burgers, ice cream sundaes, unhealthy food, etc.  I ate normal portions (no binges) just to make sure that I had that "last taste" and mentally said "goodbye."  And it worked!  I felt fine about it.

I also had made a list of risks for surgery and risks for NOT having surgery as part of my decision-making process.  Reviewing that list and reminding myself that I had a much greater risk of dying from sleep apnea, heart disease, diabetes, or any number of similar things than from the surgery continually reassured me and made me able to relax a lot more.

Hopefully some of these thoughts will help you!

karen

I wrote letters to my parents (and brothers all in one) and my husband.  I kept them in my bag that I took to the hospital.  And I told the nurses that "if something were to happen there were envelopes in my bag that my husband would need"  She looked at me a little strangely....but said ok.  I'm not sure if she would have remembered that if something WERE to have happen, but I can only assume at some point in time my husband and/or parents would have found them while going through things.

It depends on you personally, I think.

Pam

I did not do the emotional letters for my family.  I guess I just trusted God enough that I would be okay, or I was just dumb.  I did do the living will, which I had done years ago, and updated with the paperwork from Barix when I was at preadmission testing.  

I don't spend a lot of time on the Main Board.  I find it full of trauma and drama, and only hear negative things there.  PA and a few other smaller boards are more my speed.

Hugs,
Trish

I'm not a doomer and knew this was the best move for me, so I felt no urgency to write letters to loved ones or anything else - I go into surgeries knowing that they're going to better my life. I have a will and a living will on file with my doctors so I didn't need to do that either. And I've had a lot of major surgeries so it wasn't just the RNY.

I would say its a very personal decision if you want to leave letters for your loved ones and something you have to feel in your heart - don't let others sway you one way or another.

There is a risk involved with ANY surgery, not just RNY - do what you feel is best for you.