Thoroughly Annoyed.. and a question.

I understand how you feel. It is hard to be around all that good food that you can't eat. My surgery is Monday. My sons birthday is tomorrow and I am on a liquid diet. Then his party is Friday August 5th. I am making  the cupcakes, cake pops and a cake for him. I will be baking all that yummy stuff on Thursday after surgery. I think it is going to be very hard, but I had already promised and I love him so that is what I have to do. Just ask yourself, would your brother be there for your birthday? You should really try to make an appearance. You don't have to stay the whole time, but you should show up!

I totally get where you are coming from..and i do NOT think you are being selfish.  At 3 wks postop i could not have been around all my favorite foods either.  I just wasn't in a good place yet at that point.  I think your family should be more understanding of how you feel when it comes to this.  I would politely decline to attend also..and try and help them to understand.

What Ruggie said -- exactly.

Instead of looking at this party as being about you and your "can'ts" and "how could they's," maybe you need to look at it as being a challenge you need to figure out and overcome in order to get on with your life.  Figure out how you can go and have a good time and support your brother.

Maybe you can just go for a while and show him that you love and support him and leave if your food cravings start getting the best of you.  But really, you could make up your mind to plan out your eating, go and have fun and stick to your plan.

Previous posters are right:  This is just the first of many challenges.  You're always going to have social gatherings with lots of food, so now is the best time to start figuring out how to deal with it.  The world is not going to revolve around you and your eating restrictions, and your family shouldn't have to suffer because you made a choice to have WLS and get healthy and happy. 

Ask your family to include things that you can eat safely, or if you can't eat, stash some protein drinks in the fridge, attend the party and let your brother have a happy birthday without making this about you.  You may surprise yourself and have a great day, too.

I am sorry I would have been mad at you also.  You have to learn to deal with the new changes and not go hiding from situations like that.  You have to have control of those thems not let them have control over you.  You can do it and its a party for your brother when like you said its important, why would you not be there.  make sure you arent hungry.  You should support your brother and be happy.

I agree, you will come to terms with your relationship with food.

But for now, my survival technique may help.

I keep a bottle of water flavored with crystal light in my hands all the time. Each time I'm tempted to put something in my mouth, I take a sip. We all know how water feels in our new stomach and it does kill the desire to eat for a few moments.

Slick move, I'm going to try that myself!

Its your brother's birthday- not your mom's. Show him much love. Talk to him to explain your struggle without your mom being present. Plan some time with him and do something together.

Then, you have no reason to feel like you are not supporting him. As for mom being upset, that's life. Sometimes we just have to not get our way and be upset. She'll bounce back and so will you.

 l also agree with Ruggie - and am very thankful for that post!!! l know personally l would be very hurt if my sister or brother didn't come to my party because of food. People have to be the priority, not the food.  But l also completely understand where you're coming from.  My family centers around food, also.  You're going to have to deal with these situations eventually, anyway - so you might as well not hurt your brother's feelings in the mean-time and use this as a stepping stone. Fortunately, there's no way in hell that you'd even be able to eat any of that junk, because you're sleeeeeeeved!!!! So it's not an issue anymore.  Fill up on your protein, take some more with you, and l LOVE the idea of keeping the bottle of CL in your hand the entire time..
Relax and enjoy it for what it is - a family get-together!!!

I guess I'll take the unpopular route and say that I would have probably skipped something like that at 3 weeks out. At 3 weeks out, I was barely going from liquids to puree food, and if someone put pizza and chocolate in front of my face, I don't know if I could handle it. I know I wouldn't eat it but mentally, it would be torture.

But that doesnt mean I'd advocate for taking that approach forever. At 3 weeks, the loss of my ability to eat those foods was still catching up to me, and it was really hard, and i was depressed. There was no need to make it worse.

But, now that I've been cleared to eat solids for a bit, I know that I have to learn to deal with those situations, and honestly, going out to eat and being around food is much easier for me now at 7 weeks than it was at 3-4 weeks out . Now, I have enjoyed several outings to happy hours, lunches, dinners, etc. Having the ability to make a choice (ie meaning I can eat anything but chosing not to) makes the whole process easier and more empowering andd easier to resist. At 3 weeks out, there was no option - i simply was not allowed to eat the junk food. For me, that was the depressing part I guess. This is just my perspective now. We all know we can't avoid situations that involve our "favorites" (and trust me, I will always have my favorites) but as long as you are on a path to grow, to learn to deal with life, to deal with your relationship with food, then i personally think it's fine to just tell your brother that for now, you will celebrate in a different way.  Just know that it cant be a permanent solution.

Go to your brother's party.  This is about him and his big birthday. You spoke you peace to your mother and you saw her reaction, she is stressed about his birthday too (like all moms are)....and all the planning.

Your surgery means your responsibility.  Since you're on liquids, reasearch some protein shake receipes, there are tons of them....and like another poster noted...keep a bottle filled with your favorite one and take a slug when you feel tempted.  If you start to take proactive steps NOW that you're so early out, then later when your sleeve has matured you will be able to fully participate with social events and not fret about the food available.  You will be able to eat your favorite foods again, just not in the quantity as before.  In the inbetween time, for get togethers -- bring your own food and measuring/plating items--....that way you can sit at the table or wherever and enjoy your family and meal together.

Perhaps you should also make sure you're taking a PPI/acid reducer because the excess acid could be adding to your temptation.  Attend the party with a big smile and at the end of the day you will be so proud that you were able to survive your first real test of such a early sleeve.

I know I would be hurt if my sister didn't attend my big birthday, especially if she were the sibling that I am really close with,.....