The 10 commandments ---

The Decalogue, given to Moses
By Jehovah, was no bed of roses.
It made moral demands,
And today it still stands,
Though it's often ignored, one supposes.

  1. I am the Gastric Sleeve, who brought you out of the land of obesity, and the house of carbs. You shall have no other procedures before me.

2. You shall not make for yourself a large sandwich, containing bread of either whole wheat or bleached flour. For I am a jealous Sleeve, who punishes your bowels for the iniquity of your brain to the third or fourth meal onward, but show steadfast, long-term weight loss to the thousandth day after your surgery for those who make themselves a small salad.

3. You shall not make wrongful use of the Sleeve, nor take the Sleeve's name in vain. Do not tell people it is a miracle cure.

4. Remember your post-op plan, and keep it holy, for six months will you labor and do all your work in pleading with your insurance company, but on the seventh, you were Sleeved.

5. Honor your Father and your Mother, because you've scared the crap out of them with your health and having a risky surgery to help it. If you're self-pay, they probably helped you out too. Be nice to them.

6. You shall not binge.

7. You shall not commit carbicide.

8. You shall not steal [the chicken finger off your friend's plate]

9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor's pracitioner. Just because it was in Mexico doesn't mean it's bad.

10. You shall not covet your neighbor's weight loss. Every person is different and has different goals.

Amen!  Well said.

loved this

Ha!  This was great!

Made my day On Fridge now !!

Love it! I am going to put this on my desk at work to keep me sain during all the potlucks and food tables!

 Now if only I could practice what I preach...