Real Fear...of being too attractive after WLS VSG?

I have been holding this in from all of my friends and family and figured the perfect place to discuss this topic would be here on OH. I have been noticing the changes my body have been undergoing recently while on on the Pre-Op diet and my skin is as smooth as silk (due to the lack of soda and fruit juice and abundance of water). So I am starting to have some anxiety about the attention after I lose this weight. I am single, 28 years old, and have a great sense of style, and independent with no children. Once I'm out and about after weight loss I want to have a great time but ladies we know how rude and raunchy guys can be. Once I become the total package i'm sure it'll be worst. Is this a normal fear or am I just a nut job? Please help I am scared to death more than I am of the actual procedure. How to handle the added attention.

 Totally normal fear! I have to say, that since I am down the weight men HAVE been paying more attention to me, not all of it welcome, BUT I have a big mouth and won't let anyone make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin and usually tell them exactly where to stick it. 

The one thing I ALWAYS tell women who are feeling uncomfortable with the attention is to take a self defense course. I don't mean one of those two hour seminars, but an actual self defense course with trained instructors (they are usually four or six week courses and can be found in local karate place). Knowing that I can bring down a guy twice my size (no matter my weight!) makes me feel better about the attention b/c I am no longer living in fear. Once the fear was gone, I was able to handle it much better mentally. 

Good luck. 

I have the same fear and never would have admitted, but when I went for the psych eval she mentioned it.  She said that some of my weight gain is attributed to my desire to not be so attractive.  That I find comfort in not being as noticed as other women.  She said that I'm ready for surgery, but that I may need a little bit of counseling post op to deal with the new unwanted attention.  Thanks for sharing your fear, I thought I was completely alone on this one.

I learn so much from you gals.  I would have never dreamed this was an issue or concern and on first pass thought it more an issue of arrogance.

About guys being dirt bags.  Yup, some are, paticuilarly the players but you have something now you didn't a few years ago, confidence and experience.  You will be able to handle yourself when the time comes.  The players/dirt bags won't change just because you did. 

Good luck on your surgery, recovery and weight loss!

Just when you thought you had us figured out...we go and drop this on you.  Who would have thought some of us don't like being too attractive, that the attention is completely unwanted.  LOL...yep we are from another planet...hahaha.  Stick around long enough and you may learn all of our deep secrets!

That is toooo funny!

Your level of attraction has nothing to do with what you have to accept from others.  I got the same attention at 120lbs as i did at 200lbs and the number of people i felt attracted to didn't change(really have to feel a jolt). So while you may get more attention the important thing is how interested are you in the person paying you attention, that should determine how you handle it.  There are cir****tances whereby if a woman doesn't feel attractive she may be overly grateful for any male attention and she may worry that her censor/edit button won't click in.  That changes as she begins to feel attractive to herself and it all gets calibrated eventually.  But since your single, in your 20's and clearly like to mingle, have fun.

The last time I lost weight, I felt very uncomfortable with male attention of a certain sort.  The kind you want to go wash your hands after.  There is some sort of weird power exchange that happens, and anyway it happened a bit and I hated it.

This time, I was worried that the same thing would happen, but it really hasn't.  My attitude is definitely different--I do feel more confident and do not "lose power" easily.  No one has given me the creepy grin and leer, but if they do I will give back what I've got to give and feel just fine about myself.

I completely understand your fear....you are not alone!!!  Maybe there are some of us who want to become a sex symbol after having WLS.  I, however am not one of them. I received unwanted sexual attention in my early years and into my teens. It is one of the reasons that I became morbidly obese.

It is one of the reasons I became a food addict.
Young people normally don't have the option of 'medications' or alcohol to calm the demons that come with inappropriate sexual attention, so they often turn to food to numb the pain that comes with it.  From my experience, it took many years to overcome this issue (not completely there yet).  One thing I have developed is a really good 'ICK' detector. I can spot a child abuser in almost any setting, be it work, church, neighborhood, etc.

I, for one am going to take a self-defense course as suggested.  What a wonderful idea -- thank you, thank you!

And yes there are plenty of men that can be described as rude and raunchy.  But there are also some really great men in this world...they're not all a$$e$...you deserve to find one of the good ones.

Very well said.  Your take on this discussion is exactly where I was coming from.  Self defense classes are a must and I will be taking them.  Thanks for the wonderful idea!

T