Well, it happened. Lost a friend because I lost wt and she's still MO!

Thanks dicastro for replying.  Congrats on your surgery and the best of luck to you on your journey!  ~Jennifer

I believe it is the control of your life that you feel when you finally take control of your health......something that has been out of control for so many years.  Even before I had surgery, I realized that I tried so hard to keep my family together at MY expense.  If I was going to do this, I had to let all that go.  Somedays......it hurts really badly to know that you are not speaking to some of your family.  What can I say?  I am now the captain of this ship......not food or emotions.  As long as my husband and girls are on board, we are sailing!!!

No man can keep his hand to the plow while looking back! Only look forward.

Thanks for the reply, watchmenow.  And congrats on your surgery and continued success!  ~Jennifer

Hi Jennifer!
I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you and I worry that I will be in the same place as you sooner than later.. I'm just over 3 weeks out and I haven't told a lot of people about my surgery at all. I had some negative feedback before I had even left for surgery... One friend even went as far as saying that I must have lied to my doctor about the effort I was putting into weight-loss for him to agree that I needed the surgery..(HELLO?!I'M DAMN NEAR 500LBS HERE.. WHO WOULD DISAGREE?!) and my other friend *****sponded with negative feedback actually said to me that she didn't know if we could still be friends once I lost the weight because that would make her the fat friend... I'm just taking the easiest way out.. (Soo... I've been the fattest friend for the last 12 years?) *I knew I was the fattest but It hurts coming from someone I thought supported me* I have decided that if my getting healthier affects them in a negative way then they are more then welcome to leave. I will continue to support them on their weight-loss journey if they choose to let me. I do ensure that I correct people when they say I took the easy way out... Because that is something I definitely didn't do... I am also quick to remind everyone that while they are out partying and what-not I am working extra hours to pay down the debt I have taken on to be healthier... It's all about the sacrifices we have to make and what we think will benefit us...
I wish you all the best on your journey to a better you, remember that if she can't stand to be around you her attitude is sinking her ship. You have done everything that you can.

I love your response/support Sweet_56 and I have a feeling you will have complete success meeting your goal!

Reading your response got me to thinking about something....having wls might just be like getting off drugs.  We may find out there are friends that are toxic to us now.  You know encouraging "bad" behavior.  Time to leave that negative behavior behind.

As far as taking the "easy way out" whateva I say!   Geesh, is a diabetic taking the easy way out by using insulin??  How about for many of us it's the ONLY damn way out!  I'll be 40 on Friday and have struggled with my wt since forever!

~Jennifer

 
Over a year ago there was a similar post about a person losing a friend and it became obvious at a social gathering that there friendship was damaged......the person that had WLS and lost a lot of weight and got all kinds of attention and praise.... while her (obese) friend just got very jealous and couldn't take it anymore.

I took a lesson from that post...... I think I had lost 175lbs. and there was an event coming up that mutual friends from all over the world were coming into town...... We were the two fat guys......

I knew I was gonna get some attention since we hadn't seen a lot of these people for a year....

So I took it upon myself to talk to my friend before this event....... I basically just told him about a post I read on my WL forum about the same situation we were about to embark on..... I told him you know I didn't do this for the attention and I was not trying to leave him in the middle of the lake in a row boat with one oar.....he knew about my intentions of trying to get my weight under control before I had some major health issues. 

I told him I was bound to get some attention for losing a lot of weight (still not used to the attention) and I didn't want it to effect our friendship in any way..........

He thanked me for talking to him....told me he knew why I did it and was proud of me and happy for me.......

And for guys to have that kind of dialog ....well not to macho.....

So thanks to a post like yours..... I preserved a friendship that means a lot to me.

frisco

  And thank you for all your help!  ~Jennifer

She does deserve it too and she's feeling lost and left behind.  Is she not able to have the surgery as well?  I have a girlfriend who followed me 1 1/2 years after mine.  I was with her every step of the way.  Is there no hope?

MS Shell

Hi MS Shell.  My friend has not contacted her insurance co at this point and in no way can self pay (single mom of four).  I encouraged her back in April when we first had this "jealousy" discussion to call and find out.  Her mom had wls years ago and keeps telling her to call as well.  We worked together in nursing at the same facility and at one time (about 4 years ago), wls was not covered.  However, there's always a chance things have changed.

I personally believe there is ALWAYS hope. 

Thanks for your insight.  I appreciate YOU!  ~Jennifer