to tell or not to tell...

i've seen lots of posts from folks who have evildoers in their lives... not being supportive of their WLS!  here's a peek inside how i'm dealing with that... and i know i may have more creative control in this situation than others, but a mindset is a midset.  details are details.  

eeeew.  i work with some folks who will pass judgement like it's life-sustaining to them.  soooooo, i was VERY private about my surgery at work before i did it.  i was scared enough & didn't need to hear anything catty/negative/annoying they had to say about it.  the only work folks i told were ones i expected would be ridiculously excited for me.  and they were!  that's what i needed to make it into the OR.  i also decided i wouldn't carry any shame out of the OR.  

WHY DO WE NEED TO BE ASHAMED OF SAVING OUR LIVES?!?!  

being overweight has been a 35 year struggle for me (and i'm 35, so do the math!).  it's been a wickedly sucky ride of self-loathing, embarassment, shame, anger... you get the idea.  but i realized, right on time, that wls, DOING SOMETHING SOSOSOSOSO GOOD FOR MYSELF, is not something to be ashamed about.  i'm not all emotionally balanced though... i still have oodles of embarassment that my weight was such an unwieldy challenge that i needed surgery to truly begin to manage it.  but it's more important that i did it.  i'm taking care of myself.  i'm here now.  how i got here?  eh.  yuck.  but i'm here now.  we all are.  be proud of that.  

the coworkers who knew pre-op are now welcome to spread my sleeve-tacular news  if they're asked.  i don't know what kind of chittering & squawking i'll go back to in a few weeks, but i hopehopehope i can remember that their lack of support is so deeply rooted in their own insecurities & mediocre-at-best self-worth...  

at the end of the day, i know i'm heading towards the best version of myself.  i'm letting that mean more than snarky comments.   (i hope that works!)  so yeah, be jealous if you reeeally have to.  but i'm going to keep doing it.  so put that in your jerky little pipe & smoke it.    

~kris

 I am not ashamed of my surgery, but have chosen not to share it with most people in my life. For me it is an issue of privacy. I do not share any of my other medical conditions, surgeries, etc with my coworkers and many of my friends so I did not share this. I applaud those of you who wish to tell and be open about it, but I am one who values my privacy. It is OK to tell and OK not to tell. I personally feel like the world is not entitled to know my medical history.  My analogy is this: if you were a man would you feel like you needed to tell everyone about your ED? If you had hemmorhoid surgery, would you feel like you needed to share? :)

Just thought those of us who decided not to tell might need a voice here too!

what you wrote absolutely makes sense!

 i wrote my post because i was reading older posts from folks who felt like they couldn't share even if they wanted to or did & hadn't been supported & it broke my heart.  choosing not to tell for personal reasons/privacy sounds different to me than feeling too ashamed to tell for fear of any number of things.... 

and nooooo, i don't parade around town with my medical chart pinned to my shirt  :)    

exactly! you got one life to live...live it to the fullest. Who cares what people think? Just do you.

 Isnt it a shame that people cant be more supportive? I think a lot of it is jealousy and being misinformed about the surgery.

Good for you Kris- love your wave pic!

I chose not to tell my co-workers.  I do not need any negative  people in my life. plus majority of my co-workers are size 10 or below okay 12. they have no clue what heavy people go Thur. they go on diets and fail just to lose 10lb.  in time I will tell them. believe me I want to tell them. but NO! it can wait.   I'm so glad we all have a opportunity to do something good for our self and I know its not going to be EZ.  life is not EZ. we will take it one day at a time.

To tell or not to tell......
Absolutely your call, and no one elses!   

If I was shy or more concerned with privacy, I would have been OK with not telling anyone but my mom and sister and when nosy people ask about my weight loss,  I would just tell them I was carefully watching what I ate.  It's true.

I wear my heart and soul on my sleeve, so not telling would have caused me too much energy.  I let my family, co-workers and volunteer mates know.  To date I have had massive amounts of support, with just a few stupid remarks.  Of those, they were said out of ignorance, not malice, so no biggie. 

Bottom line, we're doing this for us, and whether we share or not matters not.  Getting healthy and becoming the best us we can be is what counts.  Congrats on your successes and keep up the good work.
 

I am an extremely open person.. If you knew me you would understand . As soon as insurance approves me my boss and other co-worker will know (one already knows). The only thing is that I am not telling my family other then my mom and brother whom I live with (Im 22) because they are extremely judgemental. My mom had lap band surgery in 2008 and it failed- surgeon stopped taking her insurance so she stopped getting fills.. anyway- I know my family would just say I would fail as well. Other then that- everyone in the room knows when I have gas or have to pee........LOL

 I have struggled with this as well. I posted a question about it a few days ago and got GREAT response.   http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/VSG/4483539/Who-did-you-tell/

I decided that I will not volunteer it but of someone asks specifically what I did I will tell them, " I have made a conscious decision to live a healthier life, I am being very conscious about what I put in my mouth and am being militant about getting 30 min of exercise every day, I had a procedure to help, and I am logging everything on 'my fitness pal, ". If they get more nosey I plan on telling them, " that is my private medical information and I wish to keep it that way so let's not discuss it more now, however if there is someone in the same situation, I will be happy to speak with them more in private. " 

For what it is worth....