Please tell me I'm not alone....

My approach to this started as so many things that I start ... without really thinking about it too much.  My doctor strongly suggested that I do something about my weight once and for all and told me to look into the sleeve.  I am tired of so many years failing at dieting that I'm at the point where I can't seem to stay on a diet anymore - it's like I don't have it in me.  Needless to say, I am at my highest weight ever, totally frustrated, etc., etc.  I make an appointment with the surgeon, in January, they give me a list of things I should do, I go to my appointments - I'm expecting to have to get a record of my weigh-ins for six consecutive months and after a couple of months, I get a call from my insurance that my surgery date is May 28th.  Now it's really real and I'm scared.  Well, after what I've read some people have gone through - I should be excited.  But now I'm having second, third, fourth thoughts and not sure if this is what I really want.  Or, rather, I want the weight loss but I'm not sure if this is how I want to do it.

The more I read about what is really involved and how much of a life changing experience it is, the colder my feet get.  I haven't even called the surgeon's office to tell them I got approved.  I'm terrified of doing it but I'm equally terrified of not doing it.  I'm totally digusted with myself for so many reasons! 

Please tell me if anyone has gone through something similar and how you got to your decision.  What made you finally decide that this drastic step was the only way? What was the straw that broke the camel's back?  I truly am not judging anyone ... I'm just really scared.  I'm sorry for the long rant but I don't think anyone outside of this forum truly understands unless you've gone through it.

 

You are so blessed that your insurance is covering your surgery. I had to pay for mine out of pocket.  It is a hugh decision to make. But after you've tried everything else you know that you can't do it on your own.  The surgery forces you to only be able to eat a small amount and the weight comes off. It is life changing and you will have to learn how to live with it but it is so worth it.

I think the cold feet are common.  This is a major life altering decision and step.  You are starting on a journey that will have many ups and downs, and many challenges.  Some people may think that surgery is the easy way out - you have the surgery and you lose effortlessly.  That is just so much bull****  The surgery gives you a tool that you never had before for making a diet work.  Thats really all the surgery does.  You still have to put in the discipline, the exercise, and do the work of changing your head for success.

The payoff for all that work?  A healthier, happier, more confident you.  This surgery literaly saved my life.  I was scared out of my wits befre the surgery.  This was the first major surgery I ever had and my first time in a hospital since I was 5.  I had to do it because I knew this was literally my last chance.  The Type 2 Diabetes from my obesity was eating me from the inside out.  I lost teeth, I got cataracts, I was starting to have neuropathy.  It wasnt going to be much longer before I had circulatory issues or worse.

3 months out, My Diabetes was completely under control with an A1C of 5.4%.  I was taken off of all of my high blood pressure meds.  My BP now, even after exercising, doesnt break 130/80.  I have lost 16 waist sizes.  I'm not tired all the time.  I only break a sweat when I want to.  I can walk for miles - AND LOVE IT.   My life has begun again at 41.

Everyone I talk to tells me how amazing I look and is so happy for me.  I smile now.  I let people take pictures of me.  I cant imagine what life will be like at the end of this year.  But for once, I can't wait to find out.

 Like you I have dieted on and off again my entire life.  In the last decade I probably gained and lost a TON.  Literally.  I was able to lose a great deal of weight before, but like the statistic it came back with friends.  Like you, I have fear that will happen this time too.  I overcome that fear with faith in the new tools I have been given, the education, the sleeve, and a support group community that is there to pick me up when I fall and help me get back on my feet.  I know that when I don't believe in myself they are there to believe in me.

These things and so much more are what you have waiting for you on the other side of your fear.  As they say here on OH - The losers bench is a great place to be.  You have already done the hardest part - You recognized the need to make a change and made the decision to do it.  That really is half the battle, its down hill from there.

Good luck, and God Bless.

 My feelings were very much like yours. I reached my highest weight and was confronted with the number after avoiding it or a long time. The number is what broke the camel's back. I was disgusted with myself. 

I'm afraid of diets after many years of failure and gaining weight back two-fold so this felt like the only option I had left. My surgery is in less than two weeks and I'm still scared. I'm scared of complications, I'm scared I'll fail at this too, I'm afraid of all the life changes. ...I don't want to have to go through the pain of surgery, I don't want to be forced to eat tiny meals and chew my food to paste, I don't want sagging skin, I don't want to be on a liquid diet and give up socially drinking beers with my friends in the beginning....so much about this still scares me and so much of it I wish I didn't have to do.

In the end though, I pile all the fears and the things I don't want on one side of a scale and on the other I place all the things I've always wanted to do but didn't because I was fat and all the ways I've imagined my life was supposed to be and the scale always tips in favor of surgery.

I think reading everyone's posts scares me but it also keeps me grounded in the reality of this decision...and even when people went through tough times...in the end, everyone says they'd make the same decision over again and I find a lot of comfort in that.

That all being said, the decision is personal, there is no right or wrong answer. You decide what's best for you.

I absolutely agree to everything that rhearob says above. I was totally scared and thinking about all the 'what-if's'. Will I never be able to eat _____ again? Plus, the weeks after (all liquid diet) freaked me out. I fretted about it for a few weeks when the date was officially put on the calendar but once I made up my mind that it was all going to work out for the best, I just bought into it and left my fears behind. Fake it till you make it. I had the surgery on 12/21/11 and have lost 60 pounds in 14 weeks. I am SO thrilled with my results but it has not been easy - I'm not going to lie to you. The liquid part was hard for me but I'm telling you, I wouldn't change it for anything and I know it's just going to get better.
When it all comes down to it, you and only you have to be at peace with the decision.
Good luck!

 well , your definitely not alone ... i am also cold feet, i may be having my surgery done in may and after all the trouble NOW i feel should i really be doing it????
i think your normal.

My personal opinion is to not do it until you are TRULY ready. I completed the process 2 years ago but I got cold feet and kept going back and forth. I just wasn't ready mentally or emotionally. In those 2 years I did get a lot bigger and a lot more miserable and that finally sent me over the edge. I didn't want to live anymore and I had 2 experiences where kids jumped up and down and called me out about my size in public. I could no longer fit in chairs comfortably nor could I fit in booths. Everywhere I went made me have anxiety. I also felt/feel like my size made me unable to compete in the job market and on the dating scene (recently single). My depression became so deep that I just couldn't function. Those are the things that sent me over the edge. Even though I wish I would have done it sooner and I wish I wouldn't have had to go through those things, I just wasn't ready. I wonder if I would have been even less successful thus far or if I would have gained weight back already. You're the only one that knows when you're ready and I wouldn't rush the decision. You will know when it's time. If you want to IM me you can.

My story is sort of similar to yours.  December 2010 my gall bladder started acting up and it needed to come out.  I'm in the OR prep room and the surgeon looks at me and says he really doesn't want to do it - the laproscopic tools aren't long enough and he'd need to cut me open.  He didn't want to put me through that - but there is a place in Maryland that has longer tools because they do bariatric surgery.  He suggested that I look into having bariatric surgery - kill two birds with one stone.  I had thought about bariatrics but didn't want to risk my life to get it.  I didn't know that it was now a lap procedure.  I went home and scheduled my seminar for a couple of days later with the surgeon he said was the best in Maryland.  Heard about the VSG - really didn't want the band (errosion, slipping - yuck!), or RnY (did't want my gut re-routed).  Made my appointment and 5 months later had the surgery.  That was 6/1/11.  So far I have lost 130 lbs.  My life has totally changed - but in wonderful ways!  I am limited in eating - but in amounts, not types of food.  I have more energy - so much more!  I actually enjoy shopping for clothes and take more pride in my appearance.

You have to make the decision that is right for you, but I can honestly say I have absolutely not regrets.  I believe the gall bladder attack was sent by God to make this positive change in my life!

Good luck making the best decision for you!

 this is why i did it:



this is why i am glad i did it:



reason enough for me.


jeris

"A picture is worth a thousand words". Powerful post. Thanks, Jeris!