FML: My new normal feels so out of reach...

 I had a similar relationship experience at around the same age.  I was miserable in my marriage - so started my life over.  I can tell you that you will grieve, it is natural.  I can also tell you - it will only get better.  You are more than equipped to make a better life for yourself and for your kids.  

Here's a brief synopsis of my life since I divorced (which was a bitter experience in the end).  My kids have never been happier.  They were miserable because I was, and the whole house had a pall cast over it at all times.  Now they smile more than ever.  
I went back to school - graduated with my Bachelors two years ago - and I am now in law school.  I moved myself and my children 2000+ miles two years ago - and again, never happier, me or them.  Tomorrow I get married to a wonderful man that is my best friend, and a true partner.  And I am finally getting down to a healthy weight.

YOU are doing great things, and only getting better.  You are supposed to grieve, but as you can already see, life and its changes are only what you make of them.  I have no doubt that you will continue to make the changes in your life wonderful, as you already are.  Raise your head up, hold it high, and know you are making the choices that are the best for you! 

Congratz on your wedding tomorrow!

I am in the midst of a divorce too.  We have been separated and living 1000 miles apart for 3 years.  He cheated and didn't want to reconcile.  I am mouring the lost of what could've been.  I think of his cruel treatment and ignoring me.  
  He is now moving on in a relationship, and I am too, but with the relationship I have with myself.  I am having VSG and learning to be kind to myself.  My little girl and I are a team and for I am grateful.  {{{HUGS}}}

Figuring out what you want and who you are are completely different things. You've gotten the things you want. Now you get to figure out who you are. It's trial and error.

You have to get to know Jenn. That's a pretty cool problem to have, imo.

Jenn, as I finished reading this I really thought to myself, "So...you're upset because you finally have everything you ever wanted?" That's definitely not to say that the life changes you are going through aren't emotional and/or hard, they certainly are and as someone who has gone through it recently, I can attest to that. However, there are many people on these boards who struggle with losing the weight and struggle to afford a nice tummy tuck and can't even find work right now. There are a ton of women who would kill to BE you. It sounds to me like you have so much to be happy for that the only thing I can pick out is that you are upset that your Ex is moving on. Maybe you need to ask yourself why that is? After all, you mentioned how unhappy he made you and you chose to leave him. Your new life might be causing you to look within and discover who you really are and who you want to be. Do you know what makes you happy and can you truly be happy? Are you upset that your ex isn't at home pining away for you while you go out and have fun?  Do you thrive on the chaos that was your old life?

One thing I've learned as I moved into maintenance and my new life is that one cannot be successful in this while making the same mistakes of the past. It sounds like you are having some deep thoughts about all of this and I know with your network of support you will be able to figure it all out.  

 Not upset, conflicted.... Nor was I comparing what I'm going through to what anyone else is going through. I'm not wanting him to pine away, I am starting to feel the finality and working on closure but thanks for your backhanded comment... I guess

 
Yah know Waff.....I used to think you were OK..... not so much anymore.......

I think Jenns posted concerns are pretty natural.....in fact I think much more of her that she is in a mourning process over her marriage.

You make her out to be so unappreciative.......I'd call you out on just that.......

Jenn sent me a pic last night of her little boy giving her a kiss on the cheek......Judging from the smile on her face..... I think she knows what true happiness is.......

frisco

    Dude....I kinda thought you were joking when I read this....but you didn't add any "ZINGS"  or "Lol!"  So ....I will assume you are serious. As a "friend" of Jen's.....I would expect a bit more sympathy from you Bro.  As someone who has gone through something similar....I would expect you to "get it"  She is mourning the loss/ending of her marriage.....simple as that.  
    This is NOT about losing weight and tummy tucks!  AND it is presumptuous and shallow minded  to assume Tons of women would "kill to be you" that means one needs to be thin to be happy?  Come on....we ALL know....being "thin"  doesn't always equal "happy"  
    As for the divorce thing....I would expect you to understand!  If someone does NOT mourn the loss of their marriage.....there is something seriously wrong.  Why WOULDN'T she feel that way? To me  it shows how difficult a decision this was....even if she was in a ****ty marriage.  They shared many things in the past some good...some bad...they have kids....had a home.  How can she look at her children and erase their father from that picture?  Anyone that can do that......has some issues man.   Anyone who doesn't deal with "issues" from their divorce is in major denial....or never should have been married to begin with. If she did NOT feel this way....I would be worried.
   But I do agree with one thing....she WILL figure it all out....cuz she DOES have a great network of support......apparently you are NOT in that network.   I'm really surprised Chris....though we were all "cool?"

Jen, you are a very strong and beautiful woman. And like some of the posts above say, you are in mourning. I've always heard that divorce feels like a death in the family. I know you will continue to see your soon to be ex husband because of your kids but the loving relationship you once had intimately with him no longer exists. It's just sad in general because we all marry the person we ultimately want to spend the rest of our lives with ... we want to be happy ... to grow old with this person ... live out dreams. It's a huge change in your life; it's going to take some major readjusting to. You seem very happy now in many aspects in your life. You are happy with YOU most importantly ... you have beautiful children, one of them who I had the pleasure to meet right before last month's meet-up in NorCal. What a freaking goregous and adorable kid I might add & he was sooo sweet & friendly. If I could have taken him home, I would have!
You seem very happy with the new man in your life and he seems very happy as well.
Life is full of ups and downs gurl but you are strong and you will be able to get over any hurdle that comes your way, I'm pretty sure of that. Just try to remember all the positive changes in your life; I'm sure they outweigh the not so positive ones.
Hugs to you my friend!!!

Jenn, sometimes I think you just have Live Through This (wait, wasn't that a Hole album??).  When I lost weight in my late 20s, I broke up with my girlfriend, started living on my own, started a new relationship - all scary as crap.  I remember sitting in the lobby of the Georgia State computer center feeling like I was untethered and floating away from the capsule into outer space.  It was one of the scariest feelings I remember that didn't involve imminent bodily harm.  I too was getting everything I'd ever wanted, but feeling so adrift.  Part of it was definitely being smaller.  I mean, I so clearly remember what I was *wearing* while I was sitting there, how small I felt and living a life I was not prepared to have.  Yikes.

This time is much better.  I'm lots older, still with the same girlfriend (yes, the one from my late 20s) and not having such a hard time.  It gets lots, lots better.  I personally think time is necessary to resolve all the feelings from a broken relationship.  I used to think having someone else fixed it, but they're independent and it's difficult when the two things get all mixed up together.  Good luck, sweetie!  You always make me smile, so I'm sorry you're feeling dizzy.