Co worker reaction to my weight loss

 I'm sooooo going to beat up anyone that makes you cry!!!! I guess she doesn't know what I know - that you are amazing!  Her loss. 

So. Not. Cool.

 I'm sorry to hear this .. my friends are pretty happy I'm changing my life for the better.  Sad that things like this happen.

I haven't heard much from my three "closest" friends since I started this process (end of October 2011). We went to lunch the week between Christmas and New Year's, then nothing more than a text message here and there, or even more rarely, an email (usually because I'd written first). We met for dinner on May 4th. I've barely heard a peep since then. One knows about my surgery; the other two do not. I was not comfortable telling them when we've been growing so much apart. They are very busy with their own lives and as much as I've reached out, they haven't responded. I miss them. I miss having friends to talk with every day or every few days. It hurts.

I am sure it would hurt even more if I knew one (or more) were saying things about me behind my back so I can just imagine how awful it's making you feel...and I'm so sorry for that. :(

Sometimes people change. Some of us evolve and move on, some of us stay the same and get left behind. It's a natural thing but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

Thank you.

Compliments or even comments aside, I am talking about people totally avoiding me because I chose to "keep my private life private".  I am not talking about hiding it from them - that is my personal decision.  I am talking about making me feel like a total outsider in my own work environment to the point where it really bothers me.  Anyone has the right to decide whether to discuss or not discuss any surgeries. That being said, I did not shut them out.  They can ignore my weight loss as they have done but why does that have to affect how almost the entire department treats me?

 So talk to them about it.  Reread both my post and Alison's,  neither of you should assume what the other is thinking.  


if you have a problem with how they are treating you, deal with it head on in as professionally a pleasant way as you can.

I'm sorry, I know this is hurting you, but you're really reaping what you sowed at the beginning of your journey. Another case of wanting to have your cake and eating it too. 

 You want to hide under the guise of "private life" and "personal decisions"?  Absolutely fine. But then don't expect your coworkers to then psychically understand that you really want them to violate your privacy and call attention to the obvious changes you've refused to address with them. 

 Generally, for the most part, people aren't stupid. They've probably figured out that you had surgery and then 'magically' started losing weight. Because you've never discussed it or engaged them on it, you've alienated yourself from them. Another way to phrase "a personal decision" is to say to your coworkers "you're not close enough to me in my life for me to mention this huge and amazing process I'm going through". So I respectfully disagree with you when you say you did not shut them out - yes, you did. Weight is melting off you and you're pretending to your coworkers that nothing at all has happened. 

 Honestly, I wouldn't engage you on this either. It takes two to dance - to communicate and have deeper relationships - and you've made it clear that you prefer your privacy over those relationships. I encourage you to come out of the closest, and at least stop insulting their intelligences. You're transforming and that cannot be ignored. 

 You need to realize that not sharing such an obvious thing and being treated as an outsider are directly linked.  

100% Agree with you on this one.

People don't like to be deceived... and lying by omission is deception.

You didn't respect them enough to share your surgery with them.  They no longer want to share a relationship with you.

I have been open and honest with everyone who has commented or complimented me since the day I returned to work from WLS.  My co-workers are my biggest supporters and cheerleaders.  4 other people have had surgery as a result of my success.  I love going to work and sharing my happiness and success with everyone. 

I would imagine that if I had "kept my private life private" and lied by omission about my surgery, most of the people who now support me would ignore my success because they would feel deceived and left out. 

It was your choice at the beginning, and like Ruggie said, you reap what you sow.  For me, this is just another reason that honesty is the best policy.

Hi ..... I can definetly identify what your complaint is. Where I work there aren't many very nice people. Before surgery a few clicks of people made me feel disgusting and shameful of my weight. I can write a book about stuff that I experienced pre op alone. I use to sit at work and from time to time for my own comfort and sanity glance at my surgeons handbook. Looking at it pre op at work gave me hope that someday I won't be an "outcast" and feel different. 
So there I was going thru my long,sometimes tumultuous pre op experience and no one knew.
I couldn't  careless because they weren't my friends.
Because of the negativity I experience, I had in no way planned on sharing my plans to have surgery.

So I had the surgery came back to work 30 lbs lighter after 2 1/2 weeks. Now at 9 weeks post op, my loss is very noticable.
The responses are diverse ...here are a few.....
Are you feeling okay? Are u sick? (sarcastically)
some of them stopped saying anything or walk away.
One idiot said, So are you using the treadmill now?

For a while I had numerous confrontations arguements over things that made no sense
I find that people just get comfortable with how you were.Sometimes when a sudden change happens they don't know how to react,sometimes ignorance falls in.

In my case, I snap my shoulders back, smile and be in my own little "zipadeedooda" world even if I might not feel that way allthe time.

They will get over it,if not they can kick rocks.

Feeling good,looking good and getting healthy is here to stay! 
Time for people to grow the hell up and get with the program!