Reflections at 6 months after surgery. LONG BE AWARE PIC

On January 20, 2012, I started a journey.  A journey full of fears, uncertainty.  A journey to the unknown and full of million questions.  It was also a journey full of hope.  Hope that one day I would look in the mirror and see the person I really was behind the all the fat, tears and fears.

I was 230 pounds.  I would smile, I would laugh but every time I saw that image in the mirror I couldn’t hide what I was an unhappy, unhealthy woman that if she kept on that path she was on she was not going to live past 50.  I was sure of that; you see my family is the textbook sick family.  A diabetic mother with high blood pressure and high cholesterol and a father with four stent and overweight.  Two grandmothers that died of heart attacks and a grandfather that diabetes blinded.  I knew that it was a matter of time before it was my time.  I didn’t know how I was going to stop it.  I tried believe me, I tried.  I tried ever diet invented.  I probably invented some but it was no use.  I had no control over my body, over my diet. Over my life.

I was 36 years old and I am sleeping with a machine at night because I would stop breathing.  I was borderline diabetic and I had high blood pressure.  Every morning I took me about an hour to stop limping because my legs hurt, they burn and my ankles were swollen every morning.   I would looked in the mirror and I will say “today, I am going to start a diet, I am going to lose weight by my next birthday, I am going to be 20 pounds lighter.” Then I would get to the office and I will have the unhealthiest breakfast you can think of.  Two fried eggs, bacon, home fries and two Snapple Ice teas.  I would hate myself for it but the cycle never ended.

Until one day, I walked into a conference room and I saw people like me.  Looking for answer to the yo-yo diets, the starving, the shame, and the health problems.  Then in walked a short Doctor and two coordinators.  I did not know that Dr. Michael Silberstein was going to be the man that was going to save my life and he start talking about the benefits, the risk and then he said something, “You are not failures, out of a 100 people that start a diet, 20 will keep doing it for 6 months and maybe 5 will keep the weight off. “That was me.

I took the risk; I started right there and then.  Dr. Silberstein became my lifeline.  I remembered our first one on one.  He held my hand while I cried because I was so full of self-hate.  He handle me a tissue and he told me “We are going to give you the tools you need to do this, it is not going to be easy but we are going to get you where you want to be.  You are not a failure and we are going to prove it to you.” 

I did the test, I did my six months counseling and on June 4, 2012 I was born again.   Yesterday, I saw my primary doctor.   No high blood pressure, normal sugar level. 

Today almost six month later, I am a different person.  Not only physically, but mentally.  I love myself and I didn’t before.   I hated it me I hate it the person I was.  I am 159 pounds this morning, I looked at the scale and the numbers don’t lie but the mirror don’t lie either.  I see the person I KNEW I could be.  I see a real smile, I see a real laugh.  I see the real me.

This surgery changed my life.  I am not a shame of myself anymore.  I don’t hide my face for the pictures; I am in the front of the camera.   Instead of hiding home on a Friday night, I am out and about with new friends and a new life.  Instead of sitting home at night, I am at the gym working out and getting ready for my first 5k.  I don’t limp out of bed any more I JUMP out and do my first push ups of the day. 

As I type this I started to laugh and cry because my big unhealthy breakfast of the past was replace for a small bowl of oatmeal with raisins.  I don’t know that the future hold for me but whatever it is, it is full of possibilities and wonder.

Congrats to you!!  I am almost a year out and down 107 lbs . . . I too felt the same way!  Good to hear others stories too!

great job!!! I can't wait to be at this point.  Sometimes (even though it is still early out for me) it seems like such a struggle but these stories make me feel inspired!

Lookin' good mama!!! Enjoy your success!!!

Good for you, you look amazing!

All I can say is "WOW"

You look STUNNING!!! COngrats to you! I echo all your feelings you posted.  The sleeve has made it POSSIBLE to be successful!

Wow -this made me get a little teary eyed - I am sooo happy for you. What an amazing journey so for - it will just keep getting better from here :)

Thank you for sharing your journey.  I was really touched because I could've written a lot of that.

It has been a hard, difficult journey but i would not change a day of it.