The devil inside of me...

Ok, so... I am scheduled on October 8th to have RNY. I am so excited !!! Anyways, I have told my immediate family (including my husband's side), I have told my Pastor, I have told 4 friends and that is it. I have told my boss that I am having surgery, I just haven't told her what surgery I am having... Now my question is, why is it that something inside of me doesn't want to tell everyone? Is it because I know my coworkers blab  everywhere and they are nice to your face but brutal behind your back? Is it because of the hateful girl at my church who was talking behind my back saying that I have "let myself go" since I got married and then is so sweet to my face? Is it because there is this one particular woman that doesn't even go to my church that I don't want to know because if she finds out she will call LITERALLY EVERYONE in my church directory and tell them (believe me she has done it before with other similar issues). Or, is it simply because I am a private person or because I don't want negativity? You tell me....

Part of me thinks that I don't want those particular people to know because I want them to grovel  in my getting myself back together. Not just losing the weight, but also becoming more active, and fit. The other part says, I want to be the one who spreads my news, and I don't want them to. Then, there is the I  don't want people making a big deal over me part.... What do you think? What is your experience?

Thanks for all your input!!

Bethany--

I was the exact same way!  The event of WLS tends to make those of us who have never been "very particular or selective, very particular and selective . I believe you are tapping into some inner instincts and choosing not to purposefully allow negativity in your life. Good for you! You dont need it or others oppinions who may not understand your choice right now. WHen you feel its appropriate then it's okay to share and open up. Surgery can make us vulnerable, especially WLS. This is a very sensitive and personal time. You best believe that as those pounds start dropping and you become smaller than "some of them" they are gonna be all in your video. Good luck and much success is wished your way!

Jasmin C

When people find out, they will do what you fear no matter what.   Let the worry go, nothing you can do about it.  People are very ugly at times, you have read the posts.  You will find out who your friends are and who will betray you.  Just focus on yourself a this time.  Save your strength.  You could not tell someone and they will walk right up to you and ask, are your sick, do you have cancer or something?  You look ill is everything alright?  Just digging at you no matter what you do.  Just look them in the eye and say yes, and its none of your business.  What ever it is just know people are ignorant and rude.  If they are in church, say yes, I am sick pray for me.  A good one for me for nosey people at church, "Oh bless your socks off, worrying about me with all the things going on in your life, I will say a little prayer for you.  Thanks for caring"  Believe me they will stay on the other side of the room and avoid you like the plauge.  Just walk tall and keep on keepin on.

The main reason I have decided to tell only a small group of people is because I dont want any negativity around me.  I have enough on my plate (so to speak) in dealing with all of this and the only people I want around me are positive supportive people.  I dont feel like its anybody elses business - its my body and my decision.  Later down the road I may change my mind and share things with others. 

I think that many of us still think of weight loss surgery in the same terms as non over weight people. We think of it as cheating in some way or as an easy way out. We are affraid that someone will not look at us as having tried all that we could and just opted for the surgery as a quick fix to our lazyiness or whatever. I had to over come the thought that the surgery was cheating in my own mind. When I had my surgery I was not shy at all an d told anyone that meant anything to me and also anyone who asked. I was open and had my reasons for having the surgery for which no one could argue. I tried many things to lose weight before surgery.

Having said all that, i stil;l think that many of us have a view of the surgery as something that is negative in society. I think the fact that people today are more willing to tell you how they feel about what you are doing than in times past cause us to be more reserve about our actions. While i do think we should try to please most people, it should be an indirect thing. I please my god and myself. THAT IS IT!! Now from there my wife is pleased becasue my Gad demands that i treat her with honor and respect as joint heirs of the grace of god. My family is taken care of and my friends ect. The people who are not taken care of simply do not matter, because if they were of importance and bringing edification to my life they would have been included in the taken care of group. So pray to GOd and if you have a peace about the surgery then forge ahead and not worry about the thoughts of those who would rather you stay grounded with them than mount up with the wings of eagles and fly freely.

To be honest with you...I think it's ALL those reasons.  I told one person in church and I don't think she told anyone.  I didn't want it to go around the church because I don't want the fuss over me.  People have commented, but all I do is thank them for their comment.

At work, everyone knows.  Most have been very supportive and comment on occasions.  The one person who had a problem with it, still make comments on how "tired" I look.  I tell her that I am tired of running around working all the time and that I'm going to be tired.  She says that I'm tired because of all the weight I've lost

Family has been supportive except for my cousin who's about 300 lbs +.   She says that I took the easy way out.  Whatever!  She can cont'd using her sleep apnea machine and huff/puff when she walks....I chose to something to enhance my life and live one.  Btw, I'm off my sleep apnea machine and I don't have nearly as many knee/joint/back pain as before.  Off the pain meds too.

It is interesting to note how we all respond differently to things.  

Because of those very concerns that you mention, I decided to be very open about my surgery and tell anyone who wanted to know.   I didn't want to have to keep track of who I told and who I didn't.   Plus I figured if I told everyone, the "gossip monger" would have nothing to gossip about.   Not that I really care that much about what she does/thinks.  :)

Everyone has been extremely supportive and encouraging to me.    I hope and pray it works out that way for you as well.

Sadly, many people, both the obese and those who aren't, view obesity as some sort of 'sin', and feel that the obese should have to suffer to recieve the 'absolution' of weight loss.

I told only a select few very close friends because 1) I knew they would worry at the rapid weight loss and 2) I need their support. As for the rest of family, co-workers, etc. it's just none of their damned business! Some are going to talk but there's absolutely nothing you can do about it so let it go. If someone asks me about my weight loss and sincerely wants more info, I'll tell them anything they want to know...I'm not ashamed of having this surgery at all. But I refuse to listen to negativity. For those strangers and mere aquaintences that are rude enough to ask how much weight I've lost, what can I eat, etc. I simply tell them thanks for their concern but it's private and none of their business. It's said nicely and with a smile and usually leaves no hard feelings.

This surgery is something I did for ME, no one else, and I refuse to feel I am accountable to anyone for any part of it.