She Ate Like a Pig!

I met one of my former coworkers that I haven't seen in years for lunch today.  We all retired around the same time and I was really glad that we were getting together. The last time I saw Johnny she was small and had lost close too 200lbs after having Open Gastric Bypass surgery in 2001.  When I got to the restaurant, I looked all over her...I didn't recognize her. She had gained all of her weight back and more.  She complimented me on my weight loss and began to talk down about the surgery...told me it was a waste of time and that I wasn't going to keep it off.  I told her I am three years post op and still losing...her whole attitude was full of negativity.

When we ordered lunch she ordered a double cheeseburger loaded with ketchup and cheese fries along with a chocolate milk shake.  I ordered a house salad w/ grilled chicken on the side. 
She put her head almost down in her plate and began to grunt and eat.  She looked like a pig in a troth, people actually stopped eating to watch her.  Needless to say, I could not eat my food  I was literally sick to my stomach.  We didn't get a chance to talk, but anything she said out of her mouth was negative.  She said we'll have to get together again, but I won't be available.

I felt bad for her.  I don't know what has happened or went on in her life to make her have such a dramatic weight gain.  She did talk about her bad heart, her high blood pressure and her sleep apnea all the things she had the surgery to alleviate, but acted like she really didn't care that she had regained the weight and her life and health were again in danger.

I want to talk to her about her weight gain, I just don't know how to approach her or if I should just leave it alone.

Hi Dreamgirl,
How terribly sad.....I'll bet she already beats herself up enough. If she wanted to talk about it, she probably would have asked for your help. I'm really sorry.    Connie

I'm sorry to hear that.  I think it is so important for us to find out what brought us to obesity in the first place and try and work on how to deal with it so that we don't end up back there.  She probably really hates her situation and only the negative is coming out.  I hope that she can find herself again.  

I try to be positive and have a positive outlook.  I want the same around me.  Stay on track yourself.  I never want to go back.  I'm such a different person, the person that I always thought I was but afraid to show it! 

In time, she might come to you for help.  You know she can't feel good about herself. 

Sadly enough, it's all too possible to regain the weight.  If you don't care and you keep eating the wrong foods, it's gonna happen.  Sounds like you have your diet well in hand.  She, on the other hand, returned to bad habits and now has all her old illnesses back.  I don't blame you for wanting to avoid her negativity.

Linda

White carbs are a killer.  It matter not which WLS type, white carbs will get us every single time.

Some just don't have the mindset for WLS. :o(

I'm sorry this didn't turn out better for you.

If all it took was mindset, couldn't we "mindset" ourselves so that we don't need WLS? I feel really bad for the OP's friend...food, to some, is just as strong of an addiction as nicotine, alcohol, or gambling. The only bad thing....you can't live without it, so you will never be able to quit, or stay sober.

You don't think someone needs to be in the right frame of mind for surgery?  We disagree.  I think not everyone is ready for WLS.

Ahem.. not everyone can or wants to live on Atkins for the rest of our lives.

I never claimed not to feel badly for the OPs friend.  I stated a fact.

I don't recall saying that? I certainly think it is helpful, but, I'm sorry, how is what we are doing any different than Atkins? We all have restrictions, we all have foods we should, and shouldn't eat. I was stating a fact, that if all it took was pure mindset, then the majority here would not need WLS.

You don't recall the "mindset" conversation?  Really?

I agree, food is an addiction for some.  Not all.  Some of us have untreated OCD, some of us have treated OCD, me for one.  If it wasn't for Effexor I'd be regaining about now.  More than the 5# I want to relose.

I wrote that not everyone has the right mindset for WLS.  You argue and agree at the same time.  I don't get it.  I totally admit I am completely and totally sleep deprived at this very moment so quite likely I am missing the obvious.

Yeah, I recall the whole mindset conversation, thus the reason I mentioned mindset again. What I didn't recall was saying that you didn't need to be in the right mindset to have surgery. And,  I didn't say all of us were addicted to food. I said a majority. I think blaming it all on willpower and mindset and weakness is just a load of crap. Otherwise, as I said earlier, I think the majority of us could lose weight without surgery.